Spill

Fight! fight fight fight......OK im kidding....but still im not sure what too wordy is myself but thats cause my poems are like two worded lines, and yes i agree that u should be open to all criticism on this site, but i don't think stating your opinion should class you as a Jerk-wad.

And hey, I liked your poem.

AnnaBelle

Bent, I understood your poem just fine and, as mentioned before, I found it humourous but I agree that it's a little 'wordy.' I wasn't familiar with the term before joining this site but it makes sense. Don't limit your work to a narrow audience, try and appeal to everyone and if you want to include some advanced vocabulary, don't centre the poem around it. Also, take the criticism we give and by all means say that you disagree but don't tell us that we're hopeless and below you because no one likes to hear that.

kitty15 wrote:Bent, I understood your poem just fine and, as mentioned before, I found it humourous but I agree that it's a little 'wordy.' I wasn't familiar with the term before joining this site but it makes sense. Don't limit your work to a narrow audience, try and appeal to everyone and if you want to include some advanced vocabulary, don't centre the poem around it. Also, take the criticism we give and by all means say that you disagree but don't tell us that we're hopeless and below you because no one likes to hear that.

Let's not make this a debate of critiques and such.


But the point must be made, that not everything and certainly not everything good will appeal to everyone; and appealing to the masses is a sure way of writing rubbish.

Criticism can be taken as well, kindly even with adamant disagreement.





IMP

Just chill, man. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I didn't have to look anything up to read this, and I certainly don't think it's wordy as a poem in general. But as a beat poem? Did you try reading this out loud? For me, I found it a little difficult to fit 'gargling indiscriminately' into any sort of rhythm, whether spoken or thought in the head. So no, for art, for writing, it's not "wordy". But - in my humble opinion - for beat poetry, it is.

The only other thing I can say is that this has to be read twice to appreciate it. The first clue of what it's actually about is at "bowel", and thus the words that came before must be reviewed in order to be absorbed. Perhaps if you titled it something a little more directly tied to the subject, it would give readers a chance to fully appreciate the humor without having to study it.

I like the idea, though - it's very clever. Probably the most advanced potty humor I've seen, really.

On a side note - Thích Quang Duc? That's a photo I'll never forget.