Tamia's quest X

Tamia blundered through the streets, confused. The sound of the town seemed deafening, and movement was everywhere. A man leading a goat pushed past her, anxious to get to the market. A young boy shoved a tray under her nose. "Pies! Only three copper pieces!" Tamia backed away, almost crashing into a woman with a basket full of fruit.

Elyn looked back, and grinned.
"Havin' a little trouble there, country girl?"

He shoved his way back through the crowd, grabbing Tamia's hand and pulling her towards a side street. The town was larger and busier then either of them had anticipated, and Tamia felt as if her head was spinning. Spices got up her nose, and she sneezed, while Elyn towed her on. They reached the relative peace of the side street, little more then a gap between two buildings. Tamia shook her head, trying to clear it.

Elyn grinned up at her. "So. What money do we have?" Tamia reached into her pack, pulling out a pouch. Elyn nodded towards her pack. "That may not be the best place to keep your money 'round here." Tamia didn't look up, but tipped the coins she had taken from her home out onto her palm.
Elyn glanced at the pile and creased his forehead, thinking. "We have enough for provisions, as long as we don't take too many extras, as well as food and a bed." He looked at her expression and laughed. " Two beds."

Tamia gave him a friendly cuff on the arm and grinned. "Come on then, I want to get some decent gut."
Elyn swallowed, his eyes wide. "You're not gonna eat it, are ya?"
Tamia couldn't help but laugh. "No, for my bow."
Elyn nodded his head. "I knew that. I was jus' testing!"
Tamia laughed and looked back at the street. "I suppose we shall have to go out there again." Elyn took her hand and pulled her out of the side street.
"Just stick with me."

***

Amasye eyed the pair warily. These were the two, he was sure. That idiot Ryn assumed to bully he, one of the few shadowstalkers to leave the mountains, into killing two adolescents. The male, he knew, was not a boy, but of the tree people.

Amasye smiled, thinking of the dagger he had took. It was well made, and may come in handy.
He slid out into the street, no-one noticing the figure wearing a dark rider's cloak and hood slowly making his way through the crowd.

O-h, the foreshadowing! *Jaws theme tune starts playing*

Nah, this was good, but you still need to leave a line between dialogue. You forget to do this with one part.

nutty wrote:Tamia gave him a friendly cuff on the arm and gave him a small grin.

Use a different word the second time; "gave" is too repetitive.

nutty wrote:Elyn took her hand and pulled her out of the side street. "Just stick with me."

Amasye eyed the pair warily....

I think you need to add something here, so it doesn't jump immediately from Elyn to Amasye. An asterisk, if you don't want to add another sentance.

nutty wrote:"We have enough for provisions, as long as we don't take too many extras, as well as food and a bed." He looked at her expression and laughed. " Two beds."

Good chapter then, and I think your style's getting better! Good!

-Twit

Just wondering is bows supposed to be brows if not then what is it? Anyway finally read it all heh. Anyway it's interesting and yes spaces between all dialogue. Well that's me done tell once ya edited it all.