Ice Cubes #19

Taken down due to publishing

Yay!! Another great piece, Meeves!
Loved this:

Its strange, the girls all dance provocatively, trying to attract the boys, when they do they saunter off into a corner and make out for about half an hour. Its like a giant mating stadium or something.

So true!

Great news about it being published...good luck!!

Alainna
xxxxxxxxxx

Well, I have to make all this shorter for the creative writing portoflio thing, they put together everyone who took the course's work and put it into a book i think, but I don't know how to shorten it!!!

anyway, thanks for the crit again Alianna as always

I have deicded to keep posting this, I think that my writing has improved so much since joinging with site and al the feedback i get for this has seriously helped and i think it can keep helping

Meevs
x

Posted Ice Cubes #20 its rated so it wont be on the main page, its also very short but hey, it builds tension that way

“Complicated” by Avril Lavinge oh dear… is my initial thought.

It might be better to put a period or a comma after Avril Lavinge.

“

Thanks,” I take a sip; it was cold “What were you trying to say up there?”

Comma after cold. =D

There were a few punctuational things in the dialoug mostly. Other than that it was very good. As always. =D

I'm glad you're still posting this, I was so sad when you said you wouldn't. Then I saw this, and excitement just trilled through me, I was so happy.

Keep posting =D

-JC

Hey Meevs. This was a really good chapter. The dialogue seemed natural in its awkwardness, if that makes any sense at all lol! And I only caught a couple of things.

“Yeah there defiantly is.

*definately

“Oh ok. Your single then?”

*you're

That's all I got this Chapter. I'm straight off to the next one now. xD