Speedy II: The Run for Freedom

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Well, there was so much positive feedback for the original Speedy short story I figured I'd put together a sequel. This one, however, is fiction. :D
By the way, since hamsters are nocturnal, when Speedy says it's late, it's early for us diurnal humans. And vice versa.

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Finally. Months of preparation had paid off. My teeth were sharp, my claws prime for scratching. I'd been waiting, watching, praying for my opportunity to strike.

IT was going down.

It all started late. IT was sleeping, but I knew IT would be awake soon. I had found out that IT hadn't properly secured my cage. My observatory roof would come off with a well-placed kick. The catch was that I had to do it quietly, so that IT would not wake up... and foil my plans.

I waited until IT was deep in sleep before making my move. A swipe of my paw and the roof came flying off... promptly landing on something hard and raising one hell of a racket.

I froze, my eyes trained on IT. A twitch, a roll to the other side. I let out a breath of relief. Stage One complete. My freedom was just around the bend.

Stage Two: climbing down. I could get out, but it would do me no good if I couldn't climb down the outside of my prison. I decided to inch myself tail first over the side of my observatory. My hind paws clawed onto the tube leading down as my front paws held onto my observatory. Feeling secure, I took one paw of the observatory-

And promptly landed on top of my prison.

I laid there momentarily, both from impact shock and fear of IT awakening. When IT didn't move, I turned over and stood on all four paws. The rest of the way down was easy- a long black thing that IT would tape to the wall behind me when IT turned on that infernal black box next to my prison. I shimmied down the black thing until- finally- my paws hit the carpet. I'd been on the carpet before, but IT was always there to stop me from escaping.

I let out a small laugh of victory. I was free from IT. I ran at top speed for the door, the giant door IT always went through. I knew that the door led to freedom.

I was inches away from it, I could smell freedom, I could feel the air currents from the gap under the door-

Thwack.

I had misjudged both my speed and the distance. And the size of the gap under the door. I couldn't fit. I was too big.

No! It wasn't fair. All that planning. All that careful execution. And to be stopped by a miserable little gap? It couldn't be happening.

But it was. I scratched wildly at the door in frustration, squeaking in anger. My dreams were dashed, as were my chances of freedom.

Sitting back from the door, I stared at my paws in defeat. I was doomed for that prison for the rest of my life.

A loud, annoying beeping filled the room. ITs cue to awaken. Panicking, I dashed for the dark space under the big wood thing next to the other big thing my prison sat on top of.

"Speedy?" IT roared. "How did you get out?"

I tumbled over myself as a result of excess momentum when I tried to stop. Oh sure, I could fit under the wood thing, but not the door. Typical.

IT appeared at the opening to the rest of the room, ITs breath way too close for comfort.

"Come on out, little guy," IT roared.

IT reached for me. I decided I wasn't going to take ITs torture anymore.

I grabbed IT with my teeth and dug in as hard as I could. Then I realised the flaw in my plan- IT drew back, taking me with it.

"That hurts, Speedy," IT roared in my face.

IT stuffed me back into my prison and replaced the roof of my observatory. I stood on my hind paws, one paw on the bars of the gate, watching IT. My plans were foiled again. Another failure. But I would not be deterred. I would make IT feel my pain... someday.

One day, I thought as IT left through the door I could not fit under. One day.
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber




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I really wish I had something to help you improve, but I don't.

This is great!
It could become a really good short story, I think you should keep going!

But I'm not sure how you can extend it much further, it's not like he should get out of the house, because then people will think it's a rip-off of Stuart Little...which it isn't.

The only thing I think that you could change, (and this is just my opinon) is Thwack, to thunk. But that's just how I think. :D

Great story!




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I agree with Rachet Writer, is a great short story, and not much room for corrections. :D Although, I don't see how you would continue, but think of some ways and keep writing. :D :lol:
Ohhhhhhh YEAH!!!!!!




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Wow, that was awesome! I really liked it.

One small thing...
I dashed for the dark space under the big wood thing next to the other big thing my prison sat on top of.


I found that line a wee bit confusing. What's the big wood thing? A dresser? I know it's not a big deal, but maybe a little more description might help. You also have "big" and "thing" twice in one sentence. Bugs me a bit.

Other than that, it's great. Would like to read another. :D
“Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.” -Mel Brooks



Just because you don't feel like a hero in your own story, doesn't mean you're not a hero in someone else's.
— Tenyo