dirty mirrors

she's the one they stare at with her
"i love billy corgan" satchel bag
and the blondedyedreddyedbrowndyedblonde hair
sitting on her shoulders.

the colourful bracelets on her wrist,
the long chunky necklace,
the scars on her arms and legs.
they wrap around her skin, some faded, some like ropes.

yesterday she told you her mum dropped
out of school in year nine and she's doing fine.
i was thinking only she thinks it's fine,
think of the life she could have had.

you were suprised, you naive teenager,
with your ash-blonde hair and your rich mum.
but without her exhaust-pipe life she wouldn't be her.
she wouldn't be going to the doctor today with a friend.

a friend who cares about her but who she just
deliberately ignores in all her
sadistic coils of secrets that she wants
to leave under the dirt. she won't let me rake them up.

i watched you listening to her, in all your
beauty, and you dropped something.
i don't remember what it was, but i picked it up for you
and you turned your rusted eyes onto me.

they were hard. i could feel the brown residue
of metal scratching my skin. i hated you.
it was so much easier just to sit there
and listen to her rolling out her past in front of us.
written: Saturday 23rd October 2004, 3:05pm

This was very nice, but I got a little confused at this part:

you were suprised, you naive teenager,
with your ash-blonde hair and your rich mum.
but without her exhaust-pipe life she wouldn't be her.
she wouldn't be going to the doctor today with a friend.

a friend who cares about her but who she just
deliberately ignores in all her
sadistic coils of secrets that she wants
to leave under the dirt. she won't let me rake them up.

Who's the her in this section? I don't know if there's any way you can clarify without ruining the flow or if I'm just the only one confused. Just thought I'd point that out.

I really don't like the line breaks in the second stanza I quoted. I would suggest re-writing it like this:

a friend who cares about her
but who she just deliberately ignores
in all her sadistic coils of secrets
that she wants to leave under the dirt.
she won't let me rake them up.

In the 3rd and 4th lines of the first stanza I quoted, you use she and her way too many times. This is probably why I get confused. Seriously, for a second I thought you were talking about the rich mum! You're talking about the girl that seems to be the focus of the rest of the poem, right? See if you can find a way to replace at least one of those pronouns. Or even make it a separate stanza, to clarify a little bit more.

I loved the rest of the poem, except maybe a couple of line breaks. Great job!

"the colourful bracelets on her wrist,
the long chunky necklace,
the scars on her arms and legs.
they wrap around her skin, some faded, some like ropes. "

Oh, this stanza irritated me! But besides that I loved the poem except for the "Mum" instead of "Mom" but hey, you're from UK right? And y'all say things different . Anyway, I think it would've been much better without the stanza I pointed out even though the poem was a little cliche.

This was sweet but really sad. I love it!