"Double Dad" chapter 3

Ive made a decision to make all chapters that aren't from Corrie short.

CLAUDETTE'S NIECE

I laid out an extra dish for Corrie, in case she decided to show up for dinner. I served lasagna with a fresh garden salad on the side and some herbal tea. Annette, from the Garden Club, had told me that tea was a comforting drink, but I was starting to doubt her. Or maybe the problem was with my niece. More than grief had taken hold of her. She was couped up in the spare room, and was making no noise at all. As I listened hard to the piercing silence for some sort of teenage related noises, a loud banging came from my front door. I dropped the cutlery I was holding and hurried off to see who wanted so desperately to enter my house.


XD its a paragraph!!

I'm a little confused as to how you will be posting this, Chapters that aren't from Corrie? Sorry a little confused here, might be because I am sleepy though lol.

AS for the paragraph, there is not much I can really say about it as it is so short...but of course it still grabs the reader, I want to know who's trying to get into the house!

Anyway, I look forward to seeing much more of this!

All the best,
Meevs
x

OK, this was good, but not really much to it....

I think you could really have joined chapters 2 & 3 together seems as they are both not from Corrie's point of view. Also, I bet you could feel the characters a bit more. To do this maybe try interviewing your characters; almost like hot seating.

Great work,
Keep it up,
Alainna
xxxxxx

I cant join 2 and 3 together cos theyre different people. 2 is Rick and 3 is Claudette

But if you switch points of view in a chapter you can use the

* * *

Screen break.

I'm a little confused as to who is narrating here. I think you should put a little more detail. I think your storyline so far is interesting but hard to follow. Describe your characters more so that the reader can understand and focus on the storyline. Can't wait to read more!

Okay, I get it. The bold at the top is the narrator.

Adam is right, you should use the *** instead of such short chaters. Imagine your story in print. Not much excitement in a one paragraph chapter is there?

I don't think this has been your strongest paragraph yet though. There could be more emotion. A lot more emotion. Right now your characters are (barely) names. Okay, they're more like ideas with thoughts.

Add some more emotion, and you'll find your story getting better and better.

Keep it up! And feel free to PM me if you have any questions. =D
-JC

Again, great. But I would like more to read. I hope chapter four is a bit longer!