Prosthesis #22 /P

3 posts
User avatar
Incandescence
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
Sat Apr 07, 2007 3:20 am
Incandescence says... · Sat Apr 07, 2007 3:20 am
Removed.
Last edited by Incandescence on Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




User avatar
Riedawriter23
Gender Female
Points 4890
Reviews 516
Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:48 am
Riedawriter23 says... · Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:48 am
OMG! That turned from like a hot Jon/Kyle sex scene to a scary Kyle cutting himself scene! Okay, now I think THIS is my favorite! Omg, I know this was just a dream but...wow, this was really great Brad! Great descriptions, great feeling! I love how I knew that it was dream, yet I was scared for the characters all the same. I mean how much is this going to break Jon now? And will he ever look at Kyle the same way again?

I can't wait for the next!!

~Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*




User avatar
Emerson
Gender Male
Points 32885
Reviews 2058
Thu May 03, 2007 1:28 am
Emerson says... · Thu May 03, 2007 1:28 am
"Yeah," Jon murmurs, his throat clogged. "I'm fine." He looks at Kyle, looks like he wants something, something physical; something which would make him cry if he said it aloud.
That paragraph is in the present tense... everything else is in the past, so it bugs me.

Kyle relishes his best friend's breathy moan at the contrasting temperatures of his mouth and the air.


Also in present tense.

You make me want to cry! I want Jon to get better...
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

3 posts


There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable