Mysterious Flower

Mysterious Flower

Rona 2289
Under the rein of King Charlie Zabel

Preface

“We have no hope.” Dusk said, crossing her arms over her chest. “They outnumber us, we should just stop, before we all executed by the Queen.”

“No!” Dawn yelled, slamming a fist down on the table, “That is unacceptable, we will continue to stay with the plan, it has worked so far…”

“That’s because no one has noticed!” Dusk said, rising to her feet. She leaned over the table, “We cannot win, why should we even try?”

“Because it is our right to be free, as part of this human race.” Dawn said, also coming to her feet. “You may not know it little sister, but you do not know the crudity that goes on outside the Palace walls, you have lived here your whole life, and under this just King, you have never known pain or fear in being a Native. I have, we all have. We may be fine inside the palace walls, Dusk, but things are not fine out there. We will continue with the plan…”

“And ruin the good thing we have?” Dusk said, shaking her head, “I don’t agree with our logic.”

“Because you don’t know any better.” Dawn said, “Which is understandable,”

“I want out…”

Twenty sets of eyebrows rose, as Dawn turned her smoldering black gaze towards her sister, “You are…”

A loud crack cut her off, and turned her eyes…

The black eyes in the room flashed to the middle of the round table where she stood proudly, her shoulders back. A glimmering figure of light She leveled her eyes to the leader of the Native Rebellion. The essence of beauty, the Goddesses’ black hair steamed down her back in waves that seem to dawn the ocean when the sun rose. Her eyes were sapphires set into her pastel skin. She glowed with the spirit of divinity.

“You will steal it.” She said her round lips moving too slow for the speed of that the words that fell out of her mouth. “You will bring it here, and you will protect it. –I will bring you the chosen one, I will bring you McNi. You will not know her by sight; Romous does not look the same as she did centuries ago. You will know her by her name. O’Dera. You will know her by O’Dera. –I will bring her to you.”

She shimmered once, and was gone.

~*~

The night was cold against her pale skin, as she jumped, clinging onto the first of the stone window ledges. She pulled herself up to her feet, peeking into the empty window, before jumping to next. Her heart pounded in her chest, as she fought to control the rising feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She had to be quick, and precise, there was no room for error. Being caught could and would mean death, and the discovery of the rebellion, but it was something that needed to be done. For the good of her people. For the good of her country.

She jumped to the last window ledge, refusing to look at the ground, until she had to. She stayed close to the building, becoming a shadow, in her black clothes. She forced herself to keep moving until she reached the window she wanted.

No one else had volunteered for the job, they were all too old or too afraid. They were nothing to her, if they weren’t willing to take a few risks for the good of their people, then they were nothing. She couldn’t believe her sister was making her do this. She was happy with the way things where. Dawn was just trying to cause trouble like always, and who would pay for her making trouble this time? All of them. It wasn’t just her sister’s neck that was in danger now.

Hastily, she pushed her anger against her peers, away. Anger was an emotion she could not afford right now. She had to be emotionless, she couldn’t feel. All she needed to do was to act. Her body knew what to do better than her head.

She stopped at the window she wanted, and used her magic to cut through the thick glass.

She jumped silently though the window, landing in a crouch. The room was empty, no guards. She stood, grinning from under the mask that hid her pale face, from the soft glow of the full moon.

Things where going as planned
____________
A/N: Any feed back is welcome, harsh or not

Chapter One: Stranger

The Goddess looked down at her sleeping form. Any day now, she would come to the realization of who she was. Any day now, she would set the wheels in motion, and finally work on setting her people free.

The Goddess, bent over, and blew gently on her face.

~*~

Marly dreams changed instantly. She looked around at the place that had once been her home. She had been dreaming of a celebration that had taken place, when her family was alive. Dancing around the bon fire, and singing in the moon light, there voices raising though the thin mountain air.

Now fire had consumed everything around her. Her village was running in panic around her, as the flames consumed their bodies. She tried to move, to help them, but her feet where stuck to the floor. Her family and friends started becoming ash, gathering around her feet. The high flames circled her, and through them, she could just make out a the silhouette of a woman, her sapphire eyes where the only thing visible though the flames.

For as long as Rona can remember the mighty Sword of Suhanadirula has lain on the Stone Table of the Kings. Untouched for the last thousand years. Not since Rona’s greatest hero wielded it against Rona’s enemies in the Old War.
The Suhanadirula is…Missing.
You must find it, for the sake of your people.
Call it to you…
Call it too you, to save your people…
Romous…
To set them free, you must call it to you…


The words burned though her head, as hot as the flames surrounding her, slowly creeping towards her feet.

The dreams shifted again, and she stood in the same place, only this time, she was standing on ash. She could see for miles, as if the mountains had been leveled. In place of trees, and tents there was one large stone marker that towered above her head. She walked towards it, her feet burning from the ash. Slowly read the words:

Here lies the whole of the Native Population of Rona
Who tried to destroy the Kingdom
And in return destroyed themselves.

Marly O’Dera sat up in her bed, a cold sweat covering her. She gasped trying to catch her breath. She tried to remember what in her dream distressed her so much, but she could not. The more she thought about it, the less she could remember.

In the background, the city bell tolled the fifth hour.

Marly disentangled herself from the sheets, and pushed out of her bed. She cursed silently as her feet hit the cold wood floor. Her cat pranced out from under the bed, his tail held high. “Well, I’m glad one of us is happy this morning,” she muttered to Whiskers, the black cat that had more or less adopted her on the road before she moved to Jehana.

She waited as she did every morning for the sounds of someone downstairs. Pots banging together, raised voices, and the smell of hot tea. She waited for the sounds of scampering feet over a wooden floor, and roaring laughter that would rip though her family’s house even in the morning when her family gathered for the holidays. It had been nine years since she came to Jehana, and even longer since her family…

She banished her the thoughts and walked calmly over to the window and pulled the heavy black curtains open, blinking few times, so that her eyes could get used to the light. She looked down at the town of Jehana. She watched as the farmers walked through nearby fields, and shepherds rounded up their sheep and goats. She watched the baker bring fresh bread out to his stand. His plump wife followed shortly, a bundle of apples gathered in her apron.

Marly sighed and turned away from her window. She could not pull her mind out of the dream.

She slipped a deep auburn dress over her head, and tugged it into place, until the seams were straight. She directed her eyes to the mirror hanging on the back of her door, and drew her raven feather black hair back into a glossy black braid. High cheekbones, dark eyes and a defined collarbone defined her as the standard Native woman. She looked like her mother, or the way she remembered her mother. She thought she was taller, but she wasn’t sure. –She had her father’s ears though. Her mother’s ears had suck out a little from her head. Her father’s ear, her ears laid close to her head.

She pulled on her boots and left the silence of her room on the third floor of Kent Native Housing, eager to get out of her room before the baby in the next room began to wail because her mother couldn’t get a job to feed either of them. She didn’t want to leave her room. She didn’t want to have to face all the families walking though Jehana, but it had to be done. Day after day.

It was a short walk through Main Town Jehana to her job at Gulada Books, but one she dreaded. Western guards stood at ever corner to make sure that no Native caused any trouble for the Western residents of the town.

She flexed her arms, stretching the scars that ran across them, as she saw the guards giving punishment to a Native man.

A guard shoved her back against the inside of the wall. “Keep on the shit side of the wall, you walking shit pot.” He growled at her, before pushing her to her knees, “Or I’ll make sure you know just what I think of your animals.” The instant he turned his back to her, she rushed to her feet, and sprinted away, but slowly down, as she neared the next guard.

Gulada Books was a small shop, owned by Reigly Cop’n a Western who had taken pity on her, squeezed between Miss Madam’s Bakery and The Top Shop. The Shop like it’s owner had seen better days.

“Hello? Anyone here?” Marly called as closed the dusty glass door behind her. “Mr. Reigly?” she called walking behind the counter and tying her apron. “Mr. Reigly?”

“Good morning to you, Marly.” Mr. Reigly said coming into the main room with a clud, clank, clud, clud, clank, of his ivory cane. His grizzled features, the same as they were yesterday, a mop of salt and pepper hair, twinklely blue eyes, leathery skin, and a bushy beard and mustache made him look like a tamed wild man. “We got a new box of books this morning from the Capital. The letter says they’re copies of books founding the hidden chamber in the Keep.”

“Close to where the Suhanadirula was found?” She asked.

“Yes.” He said, and then frowned, “The Suhanadirula,” He muttered to himself, and rubbed his beard. He looked at her, “Marly I want you to stay out of the streets as much as possible. Something has happened, it’s not going to be very safe for a while.” .

“And do you believe them?” Marly asked. Cop’n was the old King’s most valued adviser, and Marly considered him the wisest person she had ever known. He looked up at her confused, “You know, about the books being found in the hidden chamber?”

He seemed to be fighting with himself for a minute before answering, “The Sword of Suhanadirula was found in the hand of Rona’s hero in what they thought were the lower levels of the King’s Keep.”

They thought? Marly didn’t press it. She knew better.

He rubbed his chin, “In the fifth room in the east wing.” Mr. Reigly paused and ran his knurled fingers over his mustache and beard, a nervous habit of his. “That would place her near the Vault of Conquest. –No one knows much about that area.” He sighed, “I suppose it is possible for there to be other rooms down near the Vault that have remained hidden for all this time. –Yes, I do believe them.”

Marly could tell he wanted to say more, but he didn’t.

Marly went to the back and picked up one of the books, and flipped it open. It didn’t look like anything interesting to her, some math scribbled down on pages and science theory, she knew had been changed into law a few years after who ever discovered this theory had bothered to write anything down, if the date was anything to go by.

She blew a breath of dislike, “It’s out of date.” She whispered flatly to herself. She picked up the box, and walked to the front room, narrowly avoiding a collision with a woman who was talking to Cop’n about which book would be best for her son.

She had just finished shelving the books when Mr. Reigly announced he was needed at the Councilmen’s house. He didn’t go into much more detail but she thought he heard him say something about her Councilmen, his daughter, books and fairy tales.

Marly had to choke back her laughter at this. She knew better than anybody that Mr. Reigly was not a fan of fairy tales. He was a Scholar, a math, science, and history man. Though he did carry fiction books for the general population, Mr. Reigly refused to talk about them, shelve them, or check anyone out who was buying one.

The day went by, like any other. People came and went, with long and short intervals between them. Marly helped find what they where looking for so they could be on their way.

As always when early afternoon rolled by, the shop was empty. From the doorway to the back of the shop, she watched the dust float through the air, silently exposed in the journey to the floor, by the musty light that flittered in through the dirty glass. Books lined the walls, calling out into the empty room with hushed voices. Smaller shelves took up the middle of the room, forming one long walk down the middle of the store.

The store at early afternoon was the most content it would be until that evening. It reminded her of her apartment. Though slightly bigger, it held the same restlessness. Though settled in its contentment, without the bustle the people it seemed lonely and old.

It reminded her of herself in that way too. Though she was not as old as the shop or her apartment, when she was alone, the muscles in her legs would begin to burn. She would feel them curl under her, urging her to take off the dress, strap a sword to her waist, and become something more than what she was pretending to be –a quiet small town girl, who was just trying to make her way in the world. She wasn’t that. She was a rebel fighting against the Westerns who where slowly killing her people and forcing them into an unwanted slavery.

This was not here. This was not who she was, or even what. This dullness that she had fallen into was beginning to strangle her. Yet she could not pull herself out. This was not her. This was not her. The real her was never content with not knowing. The real her would not settle for a life like this. The real her, the old her, the her that craved to escape out of her cage, would have a sword on her hip. The real her would be out fighting for her people’s freedom, what ever the cost. Nor, was the old her this quiet, and submissive.

The shop reminded Marly, a lot of herself in more than one way. It had once been part of The Top Shop, until the owner sold it. The shop didn’t seemed content in it’s silence, and craved for the laughter of family, and the warmth of their smiles

Marly smiled in submission. She shouldn’t be complaining. She had a good job that paid well, a good boss, and she was around books all day. Plus, she wasn’t in prison for being a rebel. What more could she ask for herself?

Her old life back, that’s what she wanted ask for. She wanted her life back. She wanted to feel power course though her body. She wanted to hear the voices of her family, see their faces from the fire light, taste her mother’s food, and hear her father’s deep voice. She wanted…

It didn’t matter; she wasn’t going to get it back. She had locked herself away, and she was never coming back. –She had been buried with the dead.

It was mid-afternoon, and Marly was in the back of the shop shelving books, when she heard the door squeak open. “Feel free to look around, I’ll be with you in a moment.” She called over the shelves.

She carefully made her way to the front, but stopped when she saw the stranger. He was dressed in all black, with the hood of his cloak was pulled down over his eyes, his hands where gloved in thick black gloves. “Can I help you?” She asked him.

“Yes” He said pushing back his hood to reveal a young man, whose brown hair shone even in the musty light. His green eyes took in Marly and her surroundings, “I’m looking for the Scholar Reigly Cop’n.” He said.

Marly could felt his gaze on her face, like a great pressure but then it was gone, looking through the rows of books.

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid you just missed him. He should be back before closing if you want to wait.” She said, not taking her eyes from him. He nodded and made no other movement. “Umm. Feel free to walk around, let me know if I can help you with anything. –There are chairs scattered around if you need a place to sit.” She backed away and turned, vanishing between the rows of books.

She walked up to the front of the shop to help a lady, but her eyes were drawn to a Western beating a Native with a staff. Marly clenched her jaw so hard it hurt. Her muscles coiled under her. Her stomach twisted. Her hand itched to have a sword in it. She wanted to take down that Western. She wanted to feel her sword go though him. She wanted to feel the warmth of his blood running over her hand. She wanted to see the light die from his eyes.

The Westerns had always been against her people. Since the day they had first landed on Rona, they had killed them. She used to be a warrior, a rebel, she wasn’t anymore. Things had changed; she had become a liability, she had become too well known, so she had stopped. Now she wanted more than anything to pick up her sword again. She wanted to fight for her people.

Marly wiped the thoughts from her mind, “What can I help you with?” She asked the woman.

After the woman left, Marly went back to work, but watched, as the stranger settled himself down in a chair with a book. She wondered what he wanted with Mr. Reigly, and why he dressed the way he did. Most men in Jehana dressed in two or more colors, that were carelessly thrown on in their haste of the morning. This man’s clothes were precise down to the creases in his shirt, a precision that only came from the Capital.

“Oi, Marly!” Someone called from the front of the shop. She sat down the books she was holding and walked to the front, “Well, it took you long enough.” Symon said, running his fingers through his mess of black hair. “What? I don’t get a hello?” He asked.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the stranger lower his book ever so much so that he could watch what was going on.

Symon had always been around. Even more so, when she turned the suitable age for marriage. He had asked her once, and she turned him down. She had been on her own far too long. Plus, Symon was just… Symon.

“What do you want, Symon?” She asked. Before he could answer she held up her hand to stop him, “No, I don’t have time, whatever you were going to say I don’t have time. See, unlike you I have to work to eat my dinner.”

“Fine. So I guess you don’t want to know about… it.” He said mockingly. He smiled at her, a half smile of someone who knows too much. The smile that says they want to get it off their chest, by giving someone else the burden of knowing.

Marly counted to fifteen in her head, when Symon ran his fingers through his hair again, finally he grunted and sighed.

“Fine, you win. Apparently…” He trailed off, “There is going to be a real sword tournament in the middle of town tomorrow. Can you believe it Marly? A real sword tournament?”

“Well, I’ll just have to take the day off then.” She said mocking Symon’s tone. “Anything else worth my time, or am I going to have to start hanging around your mother so I can hear it all, before you come and tell me?” She snapped. They both knew all too well that Symon’s mother was the city gossip.

“That hurt, Marly, that really hurt.” He put a balled up fist on his chest, and lowered his head. “But.” He said bouncing back to life, “I’m willing to over look it being the kind person I am.” He said. Marly sat down behind the counter, and placed her fingertips together in front of her. “There’s more,” He said solemnly. “It’s bad Marly, it’s real bad. The King is about ready to tear apart the nation.”

Now this did sound interesting.

“Marly.” He said her name once, “The Sword of Suhanadirula was stolen.”

There was an utter silence in the room, save for the breathing of the three people who where there. “Symon, if I find out this is another one of your pranks, I’m going to roll you over the holes, and then back again, until you bleed from me screaming at you.” Marly said in an even tone her teeth clenched together.

“Well, someone is feeling cheery today, aren’t we.” Symon said, back to his old self. “And it’s not a prank, not even I would be stupid enough to kid about something like this.”

Marly opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again when Symon cut her off, “I don’t know anything else, and neither does my mother.” He said shrugging. “I don’t understand what the big deal it, it’s just a sword.”

“Just a sword?” Marly said in a low growl. “Just a sword.” Her voice rose in volume, and she advanced towards him. “The Suhanadirula is not just a sword. “ She pulled Symon’s short sword from his belt, “This, is just a sword.” She said shaking the blade in front of his face. She threw it into the wall. It went straight through it, but stopped at the hilt. Marly ignored the shock in Symon’s and the stranger’s eyes.

“The Suhanadirula was once wielded by Romous McNi, the greatest hero Rona has ever seen. It lasted through the Conquest Wars, and the Old War. It’s been around longer than you could possibly ever think, and it possesses magic you haven’t even dreamed of. That sword in the hand of Rona’s enemies could damn well destroy us, and then where would we be? A dictatorship!” She screamed.

“That’s why it hasn’t been touched for a thousand years. It gives it wielder the ultimate in battle…” She had worked herself into enough of a frenzy that she had blanked out on words. She left out the rest of her breath, and back down. “They better find that sword, or we’re in deep trouble.” She said at last. “More trouble then you could ever get into.”

“You know what, the tension in here is killing me, I’ll see you tomorrow. And a sword is a sword; you can still hack at people with it.” He said. Symon walked over to the wall, which held his sword, and gave the hilt a one armed tug. It didn’t move. He tried it again. The sword still did not move. Symon used both hands and pulled, but he fell flat on his hide, his sword still in the wall.

“Oi,” Symon called to the stranger, who looked up. “You look like a strong man, give me a hand with this?” The stranger stood up. Marly leaned against the wall five paces from the sword, her face unreadable, as she watched with amusement. The stranger gave it a one handed pull. The sword did not move. The stranger frowned, as well as Symon. The stranger tried two hands, it did not move. The stranger’s frown deepened.

Symon gave Marly a look of distaste. “Come on now, Marly. I've got to be home by dinner or me mother is going to have my hide.”

The stranger backed down, and Marly walked over the sword. She looked at the two men, and shook her head, then still facing the men, she reached back, one handed, and pulled the sword out. She’d done it with such ease, the two men gaped at her, Symon more openly then the stranger. "What the hell, Marly?"

"The wood is not your enemy, don't treat it like one." She stated flatly, and walked back over to the counter, sitting back down behind it.

"Come on Marly, stop with the ‘everything has a power’ crap you’re always talking about." Symon said. "Well, I really have to go, Marly, I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he turned and walked out the door, and down the street.

Marly told herself that he didn’t know what he was talking about. It was the main belief in Rona that all magic came from one power source. The Gods and the Goddess.

Story tells that one day the Gods got bored so they created a world and put man on it, and the Goddesses soon joined the game, creating the other half of the world, and putting woman on it. When the Gods had learned the Goddesses had created Woman, they came to them, and formed a pact, known as the Tugutaharu Peceka. Together the Gods and the Goddesses created the world that we live in today, but they argued. The Gods and the Goddesses both believed one sex should be stronger than the other, but it was which they could not decide on, so to settle the conflict they created the one power source called 'The Center'.

In every person and object there is a small piece of the center that lives within it. Some one person or thing may possess more than it's friend or neighbor, but every 'one' and every 'thing', has a small piece of 'The Center'. Generally it doesn't matter what gender you are, that determines how powerful you are, it's how much of 'The Center' you have and how you make your knowledge grow, and then teach the power, or magic as it is more often refereed to, within you to grow as you do.

Marly went over this statement in her head many times to reassure herself, before she noticed the stranger had sat back down, and was reading again like nothing had ever happened.

She had the sudden urge to reach inside her and touch the magic that slept inside her. She feel the warmth of it flow over her body. She wanted to feel that extra skip in her step. She wanted to feel the lightness of her body, the sharpness of her reaction, that only her magic could give her. Yet, it lay dormant, waiting for her, calling out to her when she saw one of her people suffering at the hands of the Westerns.

The door banged open, but Marly didn’t have to look up to see who it was. She knew that clank, thud, thud, clank, thud, thud, all too well. She stood up to meet Mr. Reigly. “Did you get everything done?” He asked her.

“That and half of tomorrow’s work. It’s amazing what you get done when you don’t have an old man nagging you about ever little thing.” Marly said with a smile.

Mr. Reigly eyes sparkled with amusement, “If I let you get away with everything, my dear girl, how would you learn?”

“Books.” She said still smiling.

“Ah, good answer.” He said.

“Mr. Reigly, there is someone here to see you.” She turned to the stranger who was already on his feet and advancing towards Mr. Reigly.

“Mr. Reigly Cop’n?” He asked. Like he didn’t already know.

“Ah, yes, that would be me, kind sir, and who are you?” He asked.

“Jacen Black,” the stranger said.

“The Spymaster?” Mr. Reigly asked.

“Ay, sir. I’ve been sent by the King. We need to talk

Chapter Two: The Spymaster

Marly looked sharply at him. Wait, he was head of the King's spies and head of the King's own personal guard, what was he doing here in Jehana, in Gulada Books, wanting to see Mr. Reigly Cop'n? Marly's only thought was that this had to be about the Sword of the Suhanadirula, and that meant that it was indeed missing, and that Symon was not joking when he told her.

“May we talk, alone?” Jacen again, stressing the word alone, and looked at Marly.

"That will not be necessary; anything you need to say can be said in front of, Miss O'Dera." Mr. Reigly said. "But before you say anything more, let us close up the shop, and walk up to my apartment for some mint tea." Marly smiled, she knew that mint tea was Mr. Reigly's favorite.

It was unexpected of him to close the shop. Mr. Reigly was a businessman. He never closed the shop. He was always here; he lived on the second story. –Something was defiantly going on, something big for him to close the shop so early in the day.

Marly walked to the front of the shop, and locked the door, pulling the curtains over the front windows. She walked to the back, and took out the trash. It took her five minutes to sweep the floor, before she hung up her apron and followed Mr. Black and Mr. Reigly up stairs.

They were sitting in silence when Marly opened the door, which meant they had probably been talking about her. Mr. Black was sitting the table, and Mr. Reigly was pouring the mint tea into three teacups.

“Now, why, may I inquire, have you come all the way from Capital to talk to me, Mr. Black?" Mr. Reigly asked sitting down at the small round table.

"It's Jacen, and I need to speak with you about an urgent matter concerning the Sword of the Suhanadirula." Jacen said.

Marly wanted to ask questions. Instead, she looked down at her tea.

"Ahh, yes, so it has indeed been stolen." Mr. Reigly said. Jacen looked sharply at him, and Mr. Reigly nodded. "I knew, of course, the moment it was stolen. And me being here, I could do nothing to stop it."

Jacen nodded and said, "The King suspected it. -The King would like you to come the Capital and see what you can put together about who stole it, why, and how we can bring the sword of Suhanadirula back, before too many people know it's gone." He paused. "The King has moved his court to the Old Throne Room saying that he is having work done, that way no one will enter, and notice that it is not there, but he can only use that excuse for a short time. We will need a replacement that looks some what like it, so as not to the alarm the people."

"You can't just replace the Sword of Suhanadirula, it's physically impossible." Marly said before she could stop herself. "The Suhanadirula has too much of 'The Center' in it. So much that the Suhanadirula lets off power waves, which every human can feel, you cannot fake the sense of security those waves lend. You can’t fake the feeling of dread that over comes you when you get too close. –You just can’t do it!” Marly said. Mr. Reigly chuckled, but Jacen looked mad at her outburst.

"Well, dear, you've certainly done you homework on this one." Mr. Reigly said to her before turning to Jacen, "This is why I brought her up here today, Jacen. I am too old to travel, but Marly. Marly will serve the King better than I ever could. She is young and will not break with the hard travel. She knows too much to be stuck in this small town." He turned to Marly. "You have nothing here, girl, go and have some fun, serve Rona and it's King.”

Marly sat in silence as she took in his words. Going with Jacen to serve the King of Rona, "Mr. Reigly, I can’t..." Marly said quietly, more to herself than the two men at the table.

Marly leaned into the table, she felt faint. Her head was spinning, her stomach was twisting. “Marly?” Cop’n’s voice floated in her head, but it seemed to be miles away. She moaned, and slipped to her knees. Her vision went dark.

~*~

“Rise, Ron McNi” My King ordered from me. “Rise, and become Sir Ron McNi, Knight of Rona.”

I rose. I turned and looked at the gathered crowd that was cheering. I smiled wickedly, and laughed as I saw my friends at the back of the crowd.

“Wait!” It was Owen de Parr. “Wait! –She cannot be a Knight!” Owen stepped up to the dais, “Bow before royalty you fool!”

I fell to my knees as he kicked the back of my knees.

“Owen, what is the meaning of this?” The King asked.

“A woman cannot be a knight!” He said, “This whore…”

I stood up and stuck him down, “I. Am. Not. A. Whore.” I growled at him. I looked at the King who was looking utterly confused. I reached up, and pulled at my hair, which was braided around my chin. Silky black waves fell down my back. I pulled my shirt over my head.

Everyone stared. I smiled, “Brandon,” I called to the Spymaster, “I assumed you had told the King.”

“I believe you made it very clear when I confronted you, that if I said anything, you would kill me.” The Spymaster said his baby brown eyes intense.

I shrugged, I turned to the King, “My name is Romous McNi, I’m Eighteen years old, and I can be your greatest friend or your worst enemy, it’s your choice.”

Brandon stepped forward, “We can trust her, My Lord.”

~*~

The scene went black. Marly blinked her eyes twice, trying to clear her vision. She looked us to two faces. “Marly?” Cop’n asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She said shaking her head and sitting up, “It must be fatigue; I was up late last night reading.” She didn’t add that she hadn’t slept well.

“Then maybe you should wait until tomorrow to leave.” Cop’n said looking at Jacen.

“No.” Marly said, “If the Suhanadirula is missing, then there is not time to waste.”

On the preface...

I like your writing style, but this first part is very, very abrupt. Usually, I don't mind it when writers plunge right into their stories and draw the reader in, but in this preface, I had no clue what was going on and you started it with powerful dialogue. You did it in such a way that I got next to no feel for the characters and found myself very confused. Also, I didn't understand your description of what exactly happened with the goddess and the light in the first part. My advice here? Slow down. Don't be in a rush to get where you want to go -take your time and enjoy the naivety of the reader while it still exists. You can keep at what point the story starts, but perhaps begin a little before the meeting, or at the beginning of the meeting, just to ease the reader into the story before thwacking them in the head with action. And take the time to explain what is happening. You have some beautiful description, but instead of describing exactly what is happening, you are describing appearance. Describing appearance can be good, but with this much action, you need to give the reader a clear picture of what is going on. Understand?

As I didn't understand the first part, I didn't understand the second part either, so if you edit this, you can PM me and I'll give you some impressions on the second part.

I'm not going to go a lot into technical stuff because you have enough to focus on right now but...

"We have no hope.” Dusk said, crossing her arms over her chest. “They outnumber us, we should just stop, before we all executed by the Queen.”

I think you are missing something in the second section of dialogue. Should it be 'before we are all executed'?

RUN-ON SENTENCES! Commas cannot separate two complete sentences. Periods (questions marks etc.) and semicolons do, but commas do not.

I'll read the next few chapters when I have more time. I think you can do a lot with this preface if you do some revision. Good luck! Keep writing and please PM me if you need anything. Toodles!

I like it! Continue it soon. You're writing style is good.


Be careful of Run-on sentences.