Anne's Story

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Other
Points 2570
Reviews 245
Tell me what you think! :D

Anne fell to her knees, pressing the heals of her palms to her fore head.
"Well?" An annoyed voice demanded. Anne dropped her hands and looked up, glaring.
"Well, what?" she asked, nearly spitting the words out. The near ten-foot lady greeted her glare with one of her own.
"I'm waiting!" She said in her shrill voice, singing the words.
"For what?" Anne asked in the same tone.
"For your apology! I am waiting for your apology! Out with it!" She demanded, tapping her foot. Anne scowled at her, giving a growl.
"I-"
"No! Hands?" The lady said, pointing a long, slender finger at her. Anne mumbled something and placed their heals back against her forehead.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Out with it!"
"Sorry!" Anne shouted.
"For what?"
Anne muttered something again, but spoke before the lady could comment on it.
"Dear lady, I am deeply sorry for letting you see this mutt of a dog in my parent's barn, and I so hope you'll forgive me." Anne said, looking up again. The lady who's head bumped the roof ten feet above her began to shrink until she was of normal size again.
"Good enough!" She said, turning around. Anne got up, then leaned back to avoid getting stabbed by one of the lady's fingers. Anne looked from the finger, to her face, and back to her finger again.
"Wha-"
"Good enough for now. If I ever see that dreadful mutt in my company again, there'll be no end to my screeching for you, little Missy!" She said, whipping around and, sticking her nose up in the air with a snort, and vanished. Anne waited for a moment to make sure she was gone before turning to Soot, who was hiding behind a bail of hey.
"Aw, come here, Soot. Did that spoiled little miss-pris of a ghost frighten you? Yeah." She said, scooping the mass of fur up in her arms and bringing it to the stool.
"I don't see why she only torments you and me. I mean, if she wants the farm, or something, why doesn't she just go bug Mother and Father? Huh? Sheesh, I don't think I'll ever understand her!" The dog yipped in agreement. Anne sighed as she stroked the dog's fur, picking out the bits of hey that were tangled in it. She heard foot steps approaching and set Soot down. As always, it was her mother.
"Oh, dear! I heard you talking again, and I think it's time for your medicine. Oh dear, dear, dear, I told you not to go out in this chill, did I not? Hmm? In bed for the rest of the day, with you! And a nice fire, yes a nice big fire to warm you up..." Her mother went on as she led Anne back to the house and out into the rain. Anne threw a pleading look over her shoulder at Soot, who, the dumb mutt, just sat there.
Anne was as tall as her mother now, and nearly as tall as her father, even though she was only thirteen. She was tall for her age, and she was fine with it. She had a good body, and that meant she was good for work. She was fit, and didn't tire out easy, for which her father had praised her for. All in all, she was a child to be proud of, and yet, people just couldn't seam to get over her 'illness'.
The doctor came to her room later that night, as he always did.
"So, Anne. Your mother tells me that she heard you talking to yourself again." He said, putting his bag on her night stand and sitting on a stool next to her bed as he always did. Anne smiled slightly to herself.
"Yes, doctor." She said, as she always did. It was a tradition now, something that they had been playing at for three years, ever since the appearance of the nameless lady.
"Tell me, was it her again?"
"Yes, doctor."
"And she gave you an order?"
"Yes, doctor."
"And you didn't follow it?"
"Yes, doctor." Anne said. Tradition or not, her patience was wearing thin. Her parents were in the door way, her mother ringing her hands. The doctor gave her mother a knowing smile.
"And because you didn't do as she so told you, she filled you head with 'the screeching of a demon'?" The doctor asked, quoting her. Anne rolled her eyes.
"Yes, doctor." She said, her tone a little tart. He smiled and nodded, digging around in his sack. Finally, his hand came out holding an evil vial of 'medicine' for her.
"Same stuff?" Anne asked. The doctor nodded.
"Same stuff. This will help get rid of the demon screeches your daughter hears, as well as stop the hallucinations. A teaspoon everyday, no more, no less. A cap's worth will do as well. Good day." He said, snapping his bag closed and exiting the room. Her father went to show him the door, and her mother stayed a moment longer, ringing her hands before following her father. When they were gone, Anne sat up, and threw herself back against her pillow with a moan.
"Medicine, my foot! Poison, more like!" She whispered to herself. If they heard her, they would be like to double the dose. She reached over and picked up the bottle. There had been so many bottles before this, she knew all its secrets. They made her more sick than well, seeing as she wasn't sick at all. She opened the cap and poured a little in it until the cap was full. Then she dumped it under her bed. She heard her mother coming to the door. She stepped in just as Anne was putting the glass vial down on the night stand.
"Already took my dose, mother." Anne said, flashing her mother a smile. Instead of returning it, however, her mother just frowned and shook her head as she closed the door. Anne heard her mother lock it and winced. More than anything done to her so far to rid her of this ailment, that click hurt the most. It meant they couldn't trust her not to go foaming at the mouth and murdering them all in their sleep. She sighed and turned over, looking at the moon. She was born backwards, and so she slept backwards. If she could, she would sleep all day, and live at night. But that was just a dream. However, it was impossible to sleep with all this moonlight coming threw her unlocked window. She jumped up and grabbed the vial and, being as silent as she could, opened the window. It was an old, creaky window, and so she opened it slowly, sure that once it was wide enough for her to slip through, all would be asleep. She crept in the shadows, careful to hide from her parent's window, lest they still be awake. She found the spot well enough. It was the only spot where nothing would grow. As she always did, sooner or later, she dumped the vial's contents onto the earth. If one of the elves from the House of Earth saw her now, she would be in trouble. Not only had it killed the plants, but the earth as well. A shudder went through her as she thought of what she had been drinking the first two months of all this. But that was a good three years ago. When it was empty, she went to the well and rinsed it out, well. When she was convinced it was good to drink out of, she filled it with water and put the cap back on. She slipped back into her room and shut it against the chill. She put the bottle back on her nightstand and went to sleep.
Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 15
I don't have much time right now, so I apologise for the briefness. I'll be blunt and to the point, I guess.

As you know, a sentence starts with a capital letter, and ends with a full stop. The dialogue and tag are part of the same sentence, and so you shouldn't end the sentence at the dialogue, and begin a new one at the tag.

Wrong:
'You're late.' She said.

'You're late.' she said.

Right:
'You're late,' she said.

She said, 'You're late.'

'You're late.' She stood, and waited.

ect. I doubt you need anyone to hold your hand with that. It should help you, if not fix your problem completely.
Merry Jesus-was-born Day




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 82
It's good except for a few grammar mistakes like heals (heels) or you could say palms and make it clearer to the reader. And when you said miss-pris (I think that's funny because my username is misspriss!) I think you meant to say miss-priss. But it's very interesting and makes me wonder what is really happening and who that *bristle* EVIL lady is. :-)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 13
Nice story! Could you make the ghost lady be a little more obviously "ghosty" in the scene at the beginning? I mean, it's really good, but I just didn't even consider the fact that she had just seen a ghost until later on when she starts talking about her "ailment." Personally I just thought it was some sort of crabby neighbor that had come to complain. Actually now that I look back on it, it's pretty obvious, but the first time I read it I didn't have a clue.
By the way, is that the end of the story? You could definitely draw it out into some kind of conclusion. Just a thought. Nice work over all.

~El Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha
By dabbing eternity with life we put the finger on energy. Thus: Life is finger lickin' good!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 116
Very intriguing and enjoyable. You did a really good job with the characters--including Soot, poor thing.

But, like Don Quixote, for some reason I didn't pick up on the lady being something too much out of the ordinary at first. Maybe being a little more descriptive of her, earlier on, would help?

A few tiny spelling things:

The lady who's head...

I think the word to use is "whose", not "who's" (contraction of "who is" or "who has").
Cut and dried grass is hay, not hey. Twisting one's hands is wringing them, not ringing. :)

But yeah, overall I really liked reading this! :D




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 2
I like it nothing but praises for this piece. :)
Matthew



If food is poetry, is not poetry also food?
— Joyce Carol Oates