Is it a haiku? I couldn't offer you any crit on it. I'm not much of a haiku person and because it's all so short and theres all sorts of hidden meaning I wouldn't be able to suggest anything so...
I like it, nice word choice, interesting subject, ends well. About all I can say.
Sing we for joy and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having. -- Ezra Pound
