Chionophobia #45 /P

Removed.

Oh that's wonderful Brad! I mean I knew that Jon couldn't hurt Kyle...but Kyle, I can't really say that I know for sure he's not taking Jon away. I hope he isn't as a concern and feeling for your characters, but if he was...that would also be a very nice twist in your plot. lol.

I still don't know what's going to happen to Sarah though. I can't wait until I find out what's happening with her. And Jon is willing giving up important info? That helps Kyle right, that is if Kyle is betraying him, he did seem a bit reluctant in your beautiful ending. Ooo I can't wait!

Keep at it Bradness!
~Rieda

he caught Jon's eyes and held it

I think you should change it to stare. Or, if you don't make it "He caught Jon's eyes and held them" which I still don't really like.... Stare works better.

Kyle punched Jonathon in the shoulder.

Not sure what it is about this sentence, but I don't like it being there. It sounds kind of action less because its a bland sentence. Fix it?

You know you almost made me cry? For once you showed your power of lack of dialog, and it moved me entirely. The way you could feel the tension, I wanted to cry. It was so painful to see them like that without trust and both in horrible situations. You must be a very good writer to have me almost cry, because I don't often cry while reading. only two other books have made me want to cry (I've never actually cried xD) That or I'm emotional today, which I doubt...

So, bravo. Everyone says you are best at dialog, but here everything showed through because of the lack of it... You rock