Lycanthorpe

Lycanthropy

Chapter 1


My muscles tensed , I took a quick look around and saw people carrying torches. I kept on hiding up on a sturdy branch. Tring not make a sound and not making any leaves fall but my paw slipped. “There is that cursed Werewolf,” said a man and the village was after me again.

I jumped off my tree and started running on all fours. I was faster than them, but I smelled that some of them brought dogs and horse. I heard the distinct twang and thump of a arrow being released from a bow and landing right where I was not two seconds ago.

Then up ahead I saw one thing I was hoping for, a steep cliff. I knew I could make it, but I wasn’t sure if the village behind me could make it or not, I just hope they couldn’t. I was still hundreds of yards from the, so I picked up the pace.

I was now at least hundred feet from the cliff... eighty feet.... fifty feet... twenty feet. Then I was upon the cliff, I guessed it was at least twenty feet, I can jump at least fifteen. “Halt you fiend and accept your fate, you are running right into a dead,” yelled a man on a horse not far back, but he didn’t know how wrong he was.

I jumped, soared at least halfway up, grabbed a ledge with my claws, and started scaling it. I few arrows hit near me but never meet their mark. I made it to the topmost ledge and started pulling myself up over the edge and then an arrow hit my right shoulder. I gave a yelp that sounded like a dogs.

I made it over the ledge and ran into the nearby trees. Once in the forest and I pulled the arrow out of my shoulder and started licking the wound clean. I lad down and curled up to keep warm and slept till the moon sank and the sun rise.

I woke up in the morning with the familiar pain of changing back into human. Slowly my clawed paws became hands and feet, my snout formed back into a human mouth and nose, most of the Lycanthrope hair receded, and finally my hunched back straightened. I was back into my naked human form. My dark brown hair, pale human skin, and my body was skinny and my ribs shown from days of no eating.

My name is Lethero and I am a Werewolf, a Lycanthrope, that’s more polite to us. I change by moonlight, lose my powers at a new moon, and go into a bloodlust during a full moon. People mostly associate that we only change during full moon but that is not true. During a normal night we keep our human conscience so most of us have enough sense to stay out of human towns, but full moons change that, and we go into towns and eat sheep and people.

My wolf instincts told me I was near a safe haven for me, Zeinta. A small village that us wolves can stay in peace quietly without human threat. I could travel there and get some clothes that, but then they would be ruined by next moon. So I headed the way my instincts told me to go, into the sun.

I walked in the forest in the rising sun piercing through the thin canopy over my head. I was cold owing to the fact I was naked and I didn’t have my fur like I did the night before. The night before, what was I doing in the village?

I remember me going in there not thinking of the time seeing if I could scrounge up some food. I was in some man’s smokehouse when I started feeling the pains of transformation. I looked out side an saw what I fear the most, a waxing gibbous full moon was not far away.

I tried escaping but the owner of the smokehouse saw me and alerted the village. I ran straight for the woods and hid in a tree and waited at least ten minutes for them to find me. And now here I am walking naked back to Zeinta.

I came upon the village about noon day. It was a ramshackle of a town, looked a lot like a ghost town if it weren’t for the scruffy looking men, women, and children walking through the small streets. Everyone knew each other but not everyone’s story of how they got Lycanthropy.

I walked into the town and went to the clothe supplier, Kado, he filched clothes and distributed them with the other Lycans. “Ye forget to remove clothes again before transformation, Lethero?”

“Yes, I almost got me some food to before transforming to,” I said.

“You idiot, you of all should know not to go into a village, even in human form,” said Kado.

“I know, I know,” I said, “but now I got to go see Geedo, I got hit in my shoulder with an arrow.”

“Ok, but remember find excluded spot in the forest tonight, it’s a full moon,” Kado reminded. “And don’t forget to remove your clothes before changing, I won’t have more clothing supplies for a while.”

“Ok, bye,” I said and left.

I walked through the town of Zeinta. Little kids with nasty attitudes ran through town causing mischief. Mostly everyone had a starved expression on their face and others had looks of rebelling against man kind. I hunger for at least one decent meal but we have none of those here. We can only get food by hunting in our wolf forms.

Geedo, was the Lycan doctors, he gives some Lycans help, we heal faster than humans, but he helps for deep wounds. All we know about him is he was once a human doctor before he was bitten. I wasn’t sure how deep the arrow got so I’d have him check.

He leaved in the only clean looking house and inside he had various doctors instruments. “Ah, Letharo, what has happened to you this time?” asked Geedo as I walked in.
“Hey Geedo,” I said. “I got what I think is a nasty wound by an arrow during the moon.”

“Ok, let me see,” I demanded and I took off my shirt and turned around.

After a few minutes of poking and examining, he came to my front and said, “It has already healed, it must of haven’t been that deep, nothing to be real worried about.”

“Thanks Geedo,” I said.

“Oh, it’s problem that’s what I’m here to do in human form,” he said. “Well, Bye.

“Bye,” I said and left the house.

I had friend, Scado, in Zeinto, but I been away for a while and last time I saw him he was close to pure bloodlust. He almost lost it a few times, but I was there to bring him back. I just hope he hasn’t lost his good wolfish self.

I arrived at the house at the house me and him spent as Werewolf pups. It still had the claw marks we made during the nights. We had always been together me and him even when we were bitten. It was only twenty years ago...

We lived in the poor part of town, we were two years old when it happened. A raid came by Werewolves in the late night not in full moon which was strange. Our mothers hid under a secret floor board, but a wolf sniffed us out. It somehow found the loose floor board and opened with difficulty and it looked down and started biting. Our mothers fended them off but me and Scado were bitten.

Our mothers knew if someone found out we were bitten we would have been killed. So they did a desperate thing. They found a She-wolf before all the wolfs left, and begged her to care for us since we were bitten. The she-wolf agreed and took us away and the she-wolf Heda we have known as our mother from two years old.

I went to the door and opened it, it looked empty but I saw a pile of rags in the corner. “Scado, is that you?” I asked, I heard a faint whimper. “It’s me Letharo.”

I saw the rags move and a head shift out. “L...leth...tharo..o is it re..re..really y...you,” said a voice of a starved person. “When y..you l...left I a...almost went in...into b...bloodl...lust.”

“Well hear I am so don’t go yet,” I said. “Why haven’t you ate, you look starved?”

“I...I’m a...afraid t..to m..much b...blood will m..make me g...go in...into bloddl..lust.”

And then in the distance a gun shot rang out. “Don’t tell me you been killing people in villages, no one would be that stupid to come here.”

“I...I j...just went th...there for f...food.”

“Did you kill anyone though?”

“Y..yes, only five, it was a big town.”

“Damn Scado, you are fool. You should’ve known they would follow you here even if you killed one person,”and as I said that two shots rang out and I heard a few dog yelps.

“Return back to Hell fiends and never bother us again,” yelled a man outside.

Then the door to the house me and Scado were in bust down. “Die fiends,” said a man and he raised his rifle, but I jumped up and bit at his throat. Then a shot rang out as he slowly died with blood gushed out from his neck. I heard a yelp behind me, Scado.

I looked back at him and he had a bullet shot to the head. “No, Scado, don’t leave me,” I said. “You’re the only real family I have.” But then I heard a howl of one of the wolves outside. I looked out the window, the full moon.

The pains of changing came again. Then from there I don’t remember.

A sorry to Chibi didn't see you're post and the name before I posted it. I promise it isn't anything like yours. I try to find a different name.

This is what a story should be , simple and strait , from one point to another . I liked it , i like your language and how you describe falling arrows , but take a looke at your work , theres not a single paragragh above five lines , this does get repetetive cuase were shown with the same structure agaain and again , try and make some chunkyness to it . the chasing men at the start was incredibly cliche and used . It feels a bit hollow too , your main charector has absiloutly no personality at all, you might of seen stuff but we didnt , give him more lines and more humany actions . BUt yes , i liked it - keep the strory going , and maybe you could have a massive war between man and werewolf, or somthin...

-rod

can you please tell when you post the next chapter please this is good could harry potter a run for his money

DragonFireAsh wrote: I jumped off my tree and started running on all fours. I was faster than them, but I smelled that some of them brought dogs and horse horses, not horse?. I heard the distinct twang and thump of a an arrow being released from a bow and landing right where I was not two seconds ago. It's 'an', not 'a' when a word starting with a vowel comes afterward.

Then up ahead I saw one thing I was hoping for, a steep cliff. I knew I could make it, but I wasn’t sure if the village behind me could make it or not, I just hope "hoped"? they couldn’t. I was still hundreds of yards from the from the.. what? I'm not sure about your use of yards here, it's a little awkward and sometimes best to express it not so specifically - the numerical measurement aspect can detract from immersion into the story., so I picked up the pace.

I was now at least hundred feet from the cliff... eighty feet.... fifty feet... twenty feet. The feet again! It can easily be shown the same way by writing something like, "I was getting closer and closer to the cliff, I reared my head back over my hunched, furry shoulders to look back at the villagers. I was getting further and further away, bounding toward the cliff." It's just not necessary, and a little annoying for the reader for you to specify so much with yards, I can't say that enough. Imagine a book that did that: "The bowl was about three inches away from him, the spork, five. The table in front of him was only separated from him by a bare two centimetres." Get what I mean? Then I was upon the cliff, I guessed it was at least twenty feet, I can jump at least fifteen. “Halt you fiend and accept your fate, you are running right into a dead,” yelled a man on a horse not far back, but he didn’t know how wrong he was.

I jumped, soared at least halfway up, grabbed Come on... You've got a werewolf here, make it a 'clawing at the ledge' thing! (Not a serious tip, the image is cool though!) a ledge with my claws, and started scaling it. I A few? few arrows hit near me but never meet met their mark. I made it to the topmost ledge and started pulling myself up over the edge and then an arrow hit my right shoulder. The last sentence seemed a bit mechanical to me. The character is being hit by an arrow, make it more dramatic! Which is better? "Then I got hit by an arrow." or "Another arrow screeched through the air, not hitting into the brittle cliff face, but instead jolting into the hide of my right shoulder."I gave a yelp that sounded like a dogs. dog's. Whose yelp is it? The dog's. The apostrophe indicates possession. Although, this too seems a little mechanical and boring. "I wanted to scream, but all that came out was a high pitch yelp, echoing over the cliff down into the orifices of the brush below."

I made it over the ledge and ran into the nearby trees. Once in the forest and I pulled the arrow out of my shoulder and started licking the wound clean. I lad laid down? down and curled up to keep warm and slept till the moon sank and the sun rise.

I woke up in the morning with the familiar pain What familiar pain? The reader doesn't know what kind of pain, is it like being kicked in the groin, falling on a hard surface, or is it a splitting headache? Or all three? of changing back into human. I don't get why you've got a 'slowly' at the start of this sentence. He's already back in his human form, isn't he? Since he's feeling the pain of changing back.. Slowly my clawed paws became hands and feet, my snout formed back into a human mouth and nose, most of the Lycanthrope hair receded, and finally my hunched back straightened. I was back into my naked human form. My dark brown hair, pale human skin, and my body was skinny and my ribs shown from days of no eating. We get the image of starvation, but where's the "my stomach ached from emptiness, my mouth was bitter and parched." Where's that kind of thing...

My name is Lethero and I am a Werewolf, a Lycanthrope, that’s more polite to us. I change by moonlight, lose my powers at a new moon, and go into a bloodlust during a full moon. People mostly associate that we only change during full moon but that is not true. During a normal night we keep our human conscience so most of us have enough sense to stay out of human towns, but full moons change that, and we go into towns and eat sheep and people.

My wolf instincts told me I was near a safe haven for me, Zeinta. A small village that us wolves can stay in peace quietly without human threat. I could travel there and get some clothes that, but then they would be ruined by next moon. So I headed the way my instincts told me to go, into the sun. Where is Zeinta, how long does should it take him to get there. What does he think about that.

I walked in the forest in the rising sun piercing through the thin canopy over my head. I was cold owing to the fact I was naked and I didn’t have my fur like I did the night before. The night before, what was I doing in the village?

I remember me going in there not thinking of the time seeing if I could scrounge up some food. I was in some man’s smokehouse when I started feeling the pains of transformation. What are the pains of transformation? I looked out side an saw what I fear the most, a waxing gibbous full moon was not far away.

I tried escaping but the owner of the smokehouse saw me and alerted the village. I ran straight for the woods and hid in a tree and waited at least ten minutes for them to find me. And now here I am walking naked back to Zeinta.

I came upon the village about noon day. It was a ramshackle of a town, looked a lot like a ghost town if it weren’t for the scruffy looking men, women, and children walking through the small streets. Everyone knew each other but not everyone’s story of how they got Lycanthropy.

I walked into the town and went to the clothe supplier, Kado, he filched clothes and distributed them with the other Lycans. “Ye forget to remove clothes again before transformation, Lethero?”

“Yes, I almost got me some food to before transforming to You use to twice, and it's the wrong type, 'too'.,” I said.

“You idiot, you of all "of all people"? should know not to go into a village, even in human form,” said Kado.

“I know, I know,” I said, “but now I got to go see Geedo, I got hit in my shoulder with an arrow.”

“Ok, but remember find "find an"? excluded spot in the forest tonight, it’s a full moon,” Kado reminded. “And don’t forget to remove your clothes before changing, I won’t have more clothing supplies for a while.”

“Ok, bye,” I said and left.

I walked through the town of Zeinta. Little kids with nasty attitudes ran through town causing mischief. Mostly everyone had a starved expression on their face and others had looks of rebelling against man kind. I hunger for at least one decent meal but we have none of those here. We can only get food by hunting in our wolf forms.

Geedo, was the Lycan doctors, he gives some Lycans help, we heal faster than humans, but he helps for deep wounds. All we know about him is he was once a human doctor before he was bitten. I wasn’t sure how deep the arrow got so I’d have him check. Does it even hurt him anymore? I mean.. We don't know.

He leaved in the only clean looking house and inside he had various doctors instruments. “Ah, Letharo, wasn't it Lethero, not Letharo? what has happened to you this time?” asked Geedo as I walked in.
“Hey Geedo,” I said. “I got what I think is a nasty wound by an arrow during the moon.”

“Ok, let me see,” I demanded and I took off my shirt and turned around.

After a few minutes of poking and examining, he came to my front and said, “It has already healed, it must of haven’t been that deep, nothing to be real worried about.”

“Thanks Geedo,” I said.

“Oh, it’s problem that’s what I’m here to do in human form,” he said. “Well, Bye.

“Bye,” I said and left the house.

I had friend, Scado, in Zeinto, but I been away for a while and last time I saw him he was close to pure bloodlust. He almost lost it a few times, but I was there to bring him back. I just hope he hasn’t lost his good wolfish self.

I arrived at the house at the house me and him spent as Werewolf pups. It still had the claw marks we made during the nights. We had always been together me and him even when we were bitten. It was only twenty years ago...

We lived in the poor part of town, we were two years old when it happened. A raid came by Werewolves in the late night not in full moon which was strange. Our mothers hid under a secret floor board, but a wolf sniffed us out. It somehow found the loose floor board and opened with difficulty and it looked down and started biting. Our mothers fended them off but me and Scado were bitten.

Our mothers knew if someone found out we were bitten we would have been killed. So they did a desperate thing. They found a She-wolf before all the wolfs left, and begged her to care for us since we were bitten. The she-wolf agreed and took us away and the she-wolf Heda we have known as our mother from two years old.

I went to the door and opened it, it looked empty but I saw a pile of rags in the corner. “Scado, is that you?” I asked, I heard a faint whimper. “It’s me Letharo.”

I saw the rags move and a head shift out. “L...leth...tharo..o is it re..re..really y...you,” said a voice of a starved person. “When y..you l...left I a...almost went in...into b...bloodl...lust.”

“Well hear I am so don’t go yet,” I said. “Why haven’t you ate, you look starved?”

“I...I’m a...afraid t..to m..much b...blood will m..make me g...go in...into bloddl..lust.” The dots are distracting, the stuttering as well. It's easier to read when a simple 'he stuttered' or something to that effect being thrown around.

And then in the distance a gun shot rang out. “Don’t tell me you been killing people in villages, no one would be that stupid to come here.”

“I...I j...just went th...there for f...food.”

“Did you kill anyone though?”

“Y..yes, only five, it was a big town.”

“Damn Scado, you are fool. You should’ve known they would follow you here even if you killed one person,”and as I said that two shots rang out and I heard a few dog yelps.

“Return back to Hell fiends and never bother us again,” yelled a man outside.

Then the door to the house me and Scado were in bust down. “Die fiends,” said a man and he raised his rifle, but I jumped up and bit at his throat. Then a shot rang out as he slowly died with blood gushed out from his neck. I heard a yelp behind me, Scado.

I looked back at him and he had a bullet shot to the head. “No, Scado, don’t leave me,” I said. “You’re the only real family I have.” But then I heard a howl of one of the wolves outside. I looked out the window, the full moon.

The pains of changing came again. Then from there I don’t remember.

It's a good story so far, I like it a lot, really. I think it and you probably have a great potential. You've just missed or mixed up some words and commas, little things mainly. I hope I've been of some help. (I got a little bit lax toward the end, admittedly.) Think about expanding on what you're writing a little bit. Was there a description of any of the lycans in the village?

I suggest that you take into account what rodent suggested as well. It was a little bit the same in sentence structure, and Lethero could do with some fleshing out.

It's a good start, I think.

Bsically I have thesame thoughts as everyone else; this is a good story but there are many awkward sounding words and combinations that take away from the experience. Like "leaved" and their words seem sort of mechanical, though I think thats just my little thing and nothing major, like "thats what I'm here to do in human form".

I'm working on Chapter 2 so it should be out soon.

Lycanthropy

Chapter 1


My muscles tensed , I took a quick look around and saw people carrying torches. I kept on hiding up on a sturdy branch. Trying not make a sound and not making any leaves fall but my paw slipped. “There is that cursed Werewolf,” said a man and the village was after me again.

I jumped off my tree and started running on all fours. I was faster than them, but I smelled that some of them brought dogs and horses. I heard the distinct twang and thump of an arrow being released from a bow and landing right where I was not two seconds ago.

Then up ahead I saw one thing I was hoping for, a steep cliff. I knew I could make it, but I wasn’t sure if the village behind me could make it or not, I just hoped they couldn’t. I was still hundreds of yards from the, so I picked up the pace.

The cliff was coming closer and closer, I stole a glance around and saw a man on horse closing in on me. Then I was upon the cliff, I guessed it was at least twenty feet, I can jump at least fifteen. “Halt you fiend and accept your fate, you are running right into a dead,” yelled a man on a horse not far back, but he didn’t know how wrong he was.

I jumped, soared at least halfway up, clawed at the ledge with my claws, and started scaling it. I few arrows hit near me but never meet their mark. I made it to the topmost ledge and started pulling myself up over the edge and then I felt a sting in my right shoulder as an arrow pierced it. I let out a scream that sounded close to a dog’s yelp.

I made it over the ledge and ran into the nearby trees. Once in the forest and I pulled the arrow out of my shoulder and started licking the wound clean. I laid down and curled up to keep warm and slept till the moon sank and the sun rise.

I woke up in the morning with the familiar pain of Werewolf bone’s changing into humans and moving around. Slowly my clawed paws became hands and feet, my snout formed back into a human mouth and nose, most of the Lycanthrope hair receded, and finally my hunched back straightened. I was back into my naked human form. My dark brown hair, pale human skin, and my body was skinny and my ribs shown from days of little eating, I was starved.

My name is Lethero and I am a Werewolf, a Lycanthrope, that’s more polite to us. I change by moonlight, lose my powers at a new moon, and go into a bloodlust during a full moon. People mostly associate that we only change during full moon but that is not true. During a normal night we keep our human conscience so most of us have enough sense to stay out of human towns, but full moons change that, and we go into towns and eat sheep and people.

My wolf instincts told me I was near a safe haven for me, Zeinta, the only Werewolf village Europe. A small village that us wolves can stay in peace quietly without human threat. I could travel there and get some clothes, but then they would be ruined by next moon. So I headed the way my instincts told me to go, into the sun.

I walked in the forest in the rising sun piercing through the thin canopy over my head. I was cold owing to the fact I was naked and I didn’t have my fur like I did the night before. The night before, what was I doing in the village?

I remember me going in there not thinking of the time, seeing if I could scrounge up some food. I was in some man’s smokehouse when I started feeling the pains of transformation. I looked out side an saw what I fear the most, a waxing gibbous, full moon was not far away.

I tried escaping but the owner of the smokehouse saw me and alerted the village. I ran straight for the woods and hid in a tree and waited at least ten minutes for them to find me. And now here I am walking naked back to Zeinta.

I came upon the village about noon day. It was a ramshackle of a town, looked a lot like a ghost town if it weren’t for the scruffy looking men, women, and children walking through the small streets. Everyone knew each other but not everyone’s story of how they got Lycanthropy.

I walked into the town and went to the clothe supplier, Kado, he filched clothes and distributed them with the other Lycans. “Ye forget to remove clothes again before transformation, Lethero?”

“Yes, I almost got me some food too before transforming,” I said.

“You idiot, you of all Lycans should know not to go into a village, even in human form,” said Kado.

“I know, I know,” I said defensively, “but now I got to go see Geedo, I got hit in my shoulder with an arrow.”

“Ok, but remember find an excluded spot in the forest tonight, it’s a full moon,” Kado reminded. “And don’t forget to remove your clothes before changing, I won’t have more clothing supplies for a while.”

“Ok, bye,” I said and left.

I walked through the town of Zeinta. Little kids with nasty attitudes ran through town causing mischief. Mostly everyone had a starved expression on their face and others had looks of rebelling against man kind. I hunger for at least one decent meal but we have none of those here. We can only get food by hunting in our wolf forms, or if we can scrounge some out in human villages in the human form.

Geedo, was the Lycan doctors, he gives some Lycans help, we heal faster than humans, but he helps for deep wounds. All we know about him is he was once a human doctor before he was bitten. I wasn’t sure how deep the arrow got so I’d have him check.

He leaved in the only clean looking house and inside he had various doctors instruments. “Ah, Lethero, what has happened to you this time?” asked Geedo as I walked in.

“Hey Geedo,” I said. “I got what I think is a nasty wound by an arrow during the moon.”

“Ok, let me see,” he demanded and I took off my shirt and turned around.

After a few minutes of poking and examining, he came to my front and said, “It has already healed, it must of haven’t been that deep, nothing to be real worried about.” Well it was kind of obvious now because the pains have subsided long ago.

“Thanks Geedo,” I said.

“Oh, it’s problem that’s what I’m here to do in human form,” he said. “Well, Bye.

“Bye,” I said and left the house.

I had a friend, but he was closer to a brother to me, Scado, in Zeinta, but I been away for a while and last time I saw him he was close to pure bloodlust. He almost lost it a few times, but I was there to bring him back. I just hope he hasn’t lost his good wolfish self.

I arrived at the house me and him spent as Werewolf pups. It still had the claw marks we made during the nights. We had always been together me and him even when we were bitten. It was only twenty years ago...

We lived in the poor part of town, we were two years old when it happened. A raid came by Werewolves in the late night not in full moon which was strange. Our mothers hid under a secret floor board, but a wolf sniffed us out. It somehow found the loose floor board and opened with difficulty and it looked down at us and then started biting. Our mothers fended them off but me and Scado were nicked by a canine tooth.

Our mothers knew if someone found out we were bitten we would have been killed. So they did a desperate thing. They found a She-wolf before all the wolfs left, and begged her to care for us since we were bitten. The she-wolf agreed and took us away and the she-wolf, Nicarga we have known as our mother from two years old.

I went to the door and opened it, it looked empty but I saw a pile of rags in the corner. “Scado, is that you?” I asked, I heard a faint whimper. “It’s me Lethero.”

I saw the rags move and a head shift out. “Lethero is it really you,” stuttered a voice of a starved person. “When you left I almost went into bloodlust.”

“Well hear I am so don’t go yet,” I said. “Why haven’t you ate, you look starved?”

“I’m afraid to much blood will make me go into bloodlust,” stuttered Scado.

And then in the distance a gun shot rang out. “Don’t tell me you been killing people in villages, no one would be that stupid to come here just to kill us for fun.”

“I just went there for food.”

“Did you kill anyone though?”

“Y..yes, only five, it was a big town.”

“Damn Scado, you are fool. You should’ve known they would follow you here even if you killed one person,”and as I said that two shots rang out and I heard a few dog yelps.

“Return back to Hell fiends and never bother us again,” yelled a man outside.

Then the door to the house me and Scado were in bust down. “Die fiends,” said a man and he raised his rifle, but I jumped up and bit at his throat. Then a shot rang out as he slowly died with blood gushed out from his neck. I heard a yelp behind me, Scado.

I looked back at him and he had a bullet shot to the head. “No, Scado, don’t leave me,” I said. “You’re the only real family I have.” But then I heard a howl of one of the wolves outside. I looked out the window, the full moon.

The pains of changing came again. Then from there I don’t remember.

Green = Suggested Correction
Red = Comment

DragonFireAsh wrote:Lycanthropy

Chapter 1


My muscles tensed , I took a quick look around and saw people carrying torches. I kept on hiding up on a sturdy branch. Trying not make a sound and not making any leaves fall but my paw slipped. “There is that cursed Werewolf,” said a man and the village was after me again.

I jumped off my tree and started running on all fours. I was faster than them, but I smelled that some of them had brought brought dogs and horses. I heard the distinct twang and thump of an arrow being released from a bow and landing right where I was not two seconds ago.

Then up ahead I saw one thing I was hoping for, a steep cliff. I knew I could make it, but I wasn’t sure if the village behind me could make it or not, I just hoped they couldn’t. I was still hundreds of yards from the them / the cliff, so I picked up the pace.

The cliff was coming closer and closer, I stole a glance around and saw a man on horse closing in on me. Nice. So much better than the specifics isn't it. Then I was upon the cliff, I guessed it was at least twenty feet, I still don't agree with the feet references, but it's not as distracting as it was. I can jump at least fifteen. “Halt you fiend and accept your fate, you are running right into a dead,” yelled a man on a horse not far back, but he didn’t know how wrong he was. Lovely.

I jumped, soared at least halfway up, Yay! Clawrs! clawed at the ledge with my claws, and started scaling it. A few I few arrows hit near me but never met or meet? meet their mark. I made it to the topmost ledge and started pulling myself up over the edge but then and then I felt a sting in my right shoulder as an arrow pierced it. Just makes it sound a little more surprising. But then-! I let out a scream that sounded close to a dog’s yelp. <-- Sounds a little awkward, still.

I made it over the ledge and ran into the nearby trees. Once in the forest and I pulled the arrow out of my shoulder and started licking the wound clean. I laid down and curled up to keep warm and slept till the moon sank and the sun rise.

I woke up in the morning with the familiar pain of Werewolf bone’s changing into humans and moving around. This part sounds better now. Slowly my clawed paws became hands and feet, my snout formed back into a human mouth and nose, most of the Lycanthrope hair receded, and finally my hunched back straightened. I was back into my naked human form. My dark brown hair, pale human skin, and my body was skinny and my ribs shown from days of little eating, I was starved.

My name is Lethero and I am a Werewolf, a Lycanthrope, that’s more polite to us. I change by moonlight, lose my powers at a new moon, and go into a bloodlust during a full moon. People mostly associate that we only change during full moon but that is not true. During a normal night we keep our human conscience so most of us have enough sense to stay out of human towns, but full moons change that, and we go into towns and eat sheep and people.

My wolf instincts told me I was near a safe haven 'for me' isn't necessary for me, Zeinta, the only Werewolf village in Europe. Europe. A small village that us wolves can stay in peace quietly without human threat. I could travel there and get some clothes, but then they would be ruined by next moon. So I headed the way my instincts told me to go, into the sun.

I walked in the forest in the rising sun piercing through the thin canopy over my head. I was cold owing to the fact I was naked and I didn’t have my fur like I did the night before. The night before, what was I doing in the village?

I remember me 'me' isn't necessary going in there not thinking of the time, seeing if I could scrounge up some food. I was in some man’s smokehouse when I started feeling the pains of transformation. I looked out side an saw what I fear the most, a waxing gibbous, full moon was not far away.

I tried escaping but the owner of the smokehouse saw me and alerted the village. I ran straight for the woods and hid in a tree and waited at least ten minutes only for them for them to find me. Sounded a bit like he's just sitting there waiting for them rather than hiding there. Unless that's what's meant to be happening? And now here I am walking naked back to Zeinta.

I came upon the village about noon day. It was a ramshackle of a town, it would look a lot looked a lot like a ghost town if it weren’t for the scruffy looking men, women, and children walking through the small streets. Everyone knew each other but not everyone’s story of how they got Lycanthropy.

I walked into the town and went to the clothe clothes supplier, Kado, he filched clothes and distributed them with the other Lycans. “Ye forget to remove clothes again before transformation, Lethero?”

“Yes, I almost got me some food too Maybe put the 'too' after 'transforming' or add a comma after the 'too'. before transforming,” I said.

“You idiot, you of all Lycans should know not to go into a village, even in human form,” said Kado.

“I know, I know,” I said defensively, “but now I got to go see Geedo, I got hit in my shoulder with an arrow.” It sounds sort of strange, like he's going off on a tangent with the 'but now I got to go see Geedo'. Also, does it say that he put clothes on anywhere or is he still nude?

“Ok, but remember find an excluded spot in the forest tonight, it’s a full moon,” Kado reminded. “And don’t forget to remove your clothes before changing, I won’t have more clothing supplies for a while.”

“Ok, bye,” I said and left.

I walked through the town of Zeinta. Little kids with nasty attitudes ran through town causing mischief. Mostly everyone had a starved expression on their face and others had looks of rebelling against man kind. I hunger for at least one decent meal but we have none of those here. We can only get food by hunting in our wolf forms, or if we can scrounge some out in human villages in the human form.

Look at the two paragraphs. The top starts with: "I walked" And the second goes on with: "Geedo, was the Lycan doctors, he gives some Lycans help, we heal faster than humans, but he helps for deep wounds." Change of tense. 'I walked' is Past. 'he gives', 'he helps' are Present.

Geedo, was the Lycan doctors, Lycans' doctor, he gives gave some Lycans help, we heal faster than humans, but he helps helped for deep wounds. All that is known about All we know about him is he was once a human doctor before he was bitten. I wasn’t sure how deep the arrow got so I’d have him check.

He leaved lived in the only clean looking house and inside he had various doctors instruments. “Ah, Lethero, what has happened to you this time?” asked Geedo as I walked in.

“Hey Geedo,” I said. “I got what I think is a nasty wound by an arrow during the moon.”

“Ok, let me see,” he demanded and I took off my shirt and turned around.

After a few minutes of poking and examining, he came to my front and said, “It has already healed, it mustn't have been must of haven’t been that deep, nothing to be real worried about.” Well it was kind of obvious now because the pains have had subsided long ago.

“Thanks Geedo,” I said.

“Oh, it’s no problem problem that’s what I’m here to do in human form,” he said. “Well, Bye. "Well, bye."

“Bye,” I said and left the house. I don't know that it's all that necessary to say 'bye' every time. It's something you can get away with saying: 'Lethero bade him goodbye and made his way out of the house.' Or at least doing something different occasionally. It's boring to me to see 'bye' every time he meets someone new. The characters don't seem all that interesting to me, either. Where's the flare, or even just description? They seem defined only by what they do in the village at the moment.

I had a friend, but he was closer to a brother to me, Scado, in Zeinta, but I been away for a while and last time I saw him he was close to pure bloodlust. He almost lost it a few times, but I was there to bring him back. I just hope he hadn't hasn’t lost his good wolfish self.

Which tense is this supposed to be in? Past is what I'm assuming.

I arrived at the house me and him spent as Werewolf pups. I arrived at the house we'd lived in as pups. It still had the claw marks we made during the nights. We had always been together me and him, even when we were bitten. It was only twenty years ago...

We lived in the poor part of town, and werewe were two years old when it happened. Another 'we' was distracting A Werewolf raid had come late in the night. Strangely, not in full moon. A raid came by Werewolves in the late night not in full moon which was strange. Our mothers hid his us under under a secret floor board, but a wolf sniffed us out. It somehow found the loose floor board and opened opened it with difficulty with difficulty. It looked down at us and it looked down at us and then started biting. Our mothers fended them off but me and Scado were nicked by a canine tooth.

Our mothers knew that if if someone found out we were bitten we would have been killed. So they did a desperate thing. They found a she-wolf She-wolf or capitalize the other times it's used before all the wolfs wolves left, and begged her to care for us 'since we were bitten' isn't necessary, really since we were bitten. The she-wolf agreed and took us away and the she-wolf, Nicarga, we have known as our mother from two years old.

I went to the door and opened it, it looked empty but I saw a pile of rags in the corner. I went to the door and opened it, finding it empty except for a pile of rags in the corner, “Scado, is that you?” I asked, I heard a faint whimper. “It’s me Lethero.”

I saw the rags move and a head shift out. “Lethero is it really you,” stuttered a stuttered the voice voice of a starved person. “When you left I almost went into bloodlust.”

“Well hear here I am so don’t go yet,” I said. “Why haven’t you ate, you look starved?”

“I’m afraid to much blood will make me go into bloodlust,” stuttered Scado.

And then in the distance a gun shot rang out. “Don’t tell me you been killing people in villages, no one would be that stupid to come here just to kill us for fun.”

“I just went there for food.”

“Did you kill anyone though?”

“Y..yes, only five, it was a big town.”

“Damn Scado, you are fool. You should’ve known they would follow you here even if you killed one person,”and <- Space as I said that two shots rang out and I heard a few dog yelps.

“Return back to Hell, fiends and never bother us again,” yelled a man outside. a man's voice roared from outside.

Then the door to the house me and Scado were in bust down. “Die fiends,” said a man and he raised his rifle, but I jumped up and bit at his throat. A shot rang out Then a shot rang out as he slowly died with blood gushed out from his neck. I heard a yelp behind me, Scado.

I looked back at him and he had a bullet shot to the head. “No, Scado, don’t leave me,” I said. This is supposed to be dramatic. 'I said', and then buggering off doesn't do it for me. Maybe some tears, or exclamation marks, or yells, screams, howls? “You’re the only real family I have.” But then I heard a howl of one of the wolves outside. I looked out the window, the full moon.

The pains of changing came again. Then from there I don’t remember. I didn't remember anything after that.

I like the improvements, but there are some mistakes that just don't belong in there! I look forward to the next chapter, but I think it needs some more fleshing out with characters. It's boring as it is, everyone seems so dull and lifeless. They give their advice and keep going and going as if nothing happened.