Maleficus Discipulus (means: Magician's Apprentice)

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Chapter 1

Maleficus Discipulus

“No you stupid boy!” yelled my master. “You pronounce it Facio Ignis,” he pronounced and a fire sprung up on the dry leaves. “And to put it out say Consumo Ignis,” and the fire died down,” got that boy?”

“Yes sir, Facio Ignis and Consumo Ignis,” I said slowly. “Ok can I try again sir.”

“Yes,” my master said more calmly.

“Facio Ignis,” I said indicating to small pile of dry lives which sprung into flames.

“Good boy, now put it out.”

“Consumo Ignis,” and the fire died down instantly.

“Good, that’s enough for today. “Now go to your room and study the books and I want you up in the morning knowing ten different Spells.”

“Yes sir,” I said in my most calm voice trying not to sound annoyed of my masters assignment.

I walked up the stairs and entered my room which wasn’t much but a small wooden table, a hay bed, and bookcase with only two books of spells. I picked on of the spell books, Cantio Monumenti, and opened it.

I haven’t always been with my master. I used to be a common street urchin, having for food, sleeping in horse stables, and begging for change. Until the day my master came along.

“Sir, sir,” I said desperately tugging at his richly colored robes, “do you have spare change.” He looked down at me, his face looked deep in sadness, and I looked back just as sad and I guessed he didn’t have coins.

He closed his hand into fist and winced fearing he’d hit me, but all he did was say, “Creo Pecunia.” He put his hand in mine then opened his hand and a handful of gold coins fell into my hands.

“Thank you sir,” I said looking at him surprised. He looked back at me with a painful smile. He started to leave but I caught up with him and asked, “Can you teach me to do that.”

“Poeniteo, nequeo,” he said in a strange language.

“Sorry, sir, I can’t understand you.”
“Sorry, I can’t,” he replied mournfully. “It requires time and I’d have to teach you more but you’ll just be wanting to know that one spell I guess.”

Latin Translations
Facio Ignis- create fire
Cunsumo Ignis-extinguish fire
Cantio Monumenti-spell book
Creo Pencnia-conjure money
Poeniteo Nequeo-Sorry, can't




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Sory about the mistakes changed them in my orignal document. It was about Midnight when I wrote this so i didn't catch the changes straight away, can you blame me.
Fly, Fight, Win . . . in Air, Space, and Cyberspace.
-Air Force Mission Statement-

Integrity First
Service Before Self
Excellence In All We Do
~Air Force Core Values~

*Lethero*




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Ok, I dont like the way you have handled the first person here. I think it would work best in third person. You call the master "my master", Im not sure this works at all. I would call him by what he is:

"Idiot boy," roared the magician.

Thats a simple way in which to refer to him.

This also seemed poorly mapped out, I dislike the way you have used latin. What we seem to have here is an excess of things in a teensy part of the story. Maybe you should start at the beginning of the lesson, go into more depth about HOW the magic is created, what happens when you say the words.

You are currently info dumping. If it doesn't add tot he story, slice it out.




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Im no longer working on this see Lycanthropy the one I'm working on.
Fly, Fight, Win . . . in Air, Space, and Cyberspace.
-Air Force Mission Statement-

Integrity First
Service Before Self
Excellence In All We Do
~Air Force Core Values~

*Lethero*



don't try me bro
— Seirre