Chionophobia #33 /P

Removed.

"It was a small room, only about fifty square feet of space." - that's not small.

Again, brilliant, very captivating.

He could hear them whispering amongst one another as if confused with what to do to him.

Either a comma after "another" or put "they" in between 'if' and 'confused.

“Follow me,” she repeated. Kyle did, and noticed that there was something familiar about this woman. Her gait, which was largely concealed by her heels, was familiar. Her voice was familiar. “Come on!” she hissed.

See brad, on occasions I do like to guess. Here: Ariel?

I know everything. About you. About Jon. I know.”

Should it be punctuated like this: "I know everything: about you, about Jon. I know." It just looks awkward how you have it. I think any other way would work better..

He gulped. “Ariel?”

HOLY HELL I WAS RIGHT! Do I get bonus points for this amazing guess I made?


Always wanting more (and more, and more, and more),
Clau

AHHH! I don't even know what to think right now! You've truley shocked me Brad! I mean Ariel? That's one turn you just put on this. This'll create even more.... question haha just like you said very clever. You know what this means right? That I'll be begging for Ch. every chance I get. Even more than I already do and that's really saying something! *sigh* This is the best series ever!

-Rieda