New perspectives are always interesting to look at!
Though I do have complaints. I assume that the repetition of lines was either to show insanity or disorder? I figure disorder, knowing how the rest of the story has been. Or he's just a maniac, and so he obsesses over certain things and repeats them, kind of like OCD? Either way, it doesn't matter. Though I am sure this is in there to set up a design for a certain disease/insanity/what ever, it caused me to skim the section I had already read, and I started getting rather annoyed, too. I mean it was interesting once or twice, but you can over cook anything, aye?
I'm not sure it was bad, hell leave it in if you want, but I skimmed over the parts I knew were repeats. I couldn't stand it. If it was one or two sentence, I was okay, but I couldn't stand rereading whole paragraphs, more. I just skimmed Them thinking "Okay, yeah, read this before, its about *blank*" then went on.
Loved kyle at the end. I knew it was kyle from this line: He may have escaped her punishment, but he will not survive the dome. Nice job on that one. It was subtle, but we found out it was him.
I'm really curious what is wrong with this guy, and what is the dome. I think you made a right choice picking up another POV. Sure, you seem to be turning into the book/House MD of LOST but hey, we still like it don't we? And the majority of what happens actually has a logical explanation behind it, its the why's it happening? That we want...
Keep it up, forever and ever? At least, until the end :-p
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
I should not have jumped in at the middle, because this just confused the hell out of me. But I did read the beginning of #29 which seemed to be a semi-boring story about Joe and Kyle or w/e, and vacuum sales and strange kissing....
So forgive me my confusion. I should have begun at the beginning. Maybe I will...but I was a bit (a LOT) frustrated by the repeating lines. Paragraphs.
Whatever.
I coudln't even tell who the speaker was, if in fact it was a person. I thought it was some sort of drug speaking, but that doesn't make sense.
Ah I love it! I knew it was going to be something exciting I just knew it. Everyone of these things is something different and this new perspective that you tried out made the whole thing more interesting! Ooo, now I want to know what's going to happen next! Excellent!
More Chionophobia!
-Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
I thought the man was Jonathon, not Kyle, because of the bleeding arm. He escaped her punishment because Sarah tortured Kyle, not him.
This is awesome, though. I love how you repeat sentences and add in new ones. The change of view is fun too. It seems like it's a disease specimen talking or something, but would Jonathon address a disease? I have to go read #31.
-Jenna
Jennafina's Love Your Body Already Dammit Campaign
