Normally I don't venture into the Non-Fiction forums - I generally read to get away from reality, you know? But... wow. This was fantastic.
I love how you maintain almost a cold, even, numb voice throughout. It really brings out the darkness of the subject. I think you expressed things all of us have felt when something terrible happens and we don't quite know what to say. That happened a few times at my school within the past couple years.
This was really powerful, I liked reading it. Just like crysi said, very well written.
An fading flower-patterned couch groaned as I leaned against it.
that 'an' should be 'a'
My only complaint, is its a little hard to follow. I was really confused at the beginning. The sentences were just confusing, I couldn't figure out what they were talking about. but once I got past that, I really enjoyed reading it.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
I agree too; this was written well. I especially liked that although the story was about the loss of a person, it wasn't drawn out into a sobfest, like "Boo hoo, look what happened."
You managed to lay down the fact, "I knew of this person, this is the cause of death, and this is what I thought of the situation and how I reacted," in a decisive, clear and interesting manner.
As for me, back in 2000, the same year I lost my grandfather (and you will see I was mourning for him in my portfolio; the typical sobby junk), shortly after, a good friend of mine was killed by an intoxicated driver. He was in the car with the driver, and was thrown through the windshield. He was reported of dieing on contact. The worst part was that the driver was going to my school, and like him, we were both seniors. I had a lot of trouble in controling my temper and really just the upmost hatred for him. If it was not for the support of family and friends that talked to me, and tried to show me the "light" so to speak, I'm not sure what I would have done. It was a hard year for sure. The only real thing that kept me under control was the possible guilt the driver was undergoing, Afterall, he is a murderer, and he will have to live with that mistake for the rest of his life.
I bring this up because I have a vague idea what went through your mind. I think this is nice that you wrote this up for Jonathan. I'm sure his family appreciates it because it's a way of remembering someone. Thanks for sharing.
(Oh darn, I shouldn't have asked that - this is non-fiction.)
I have to agree with fishr - it was good. It is so easy to turn these death narratives into sobfests. But you didn't. It was a good, direct description of the event. So this is what I can say: "Wow."
