whimsical impulses remind me i am human

The title is as it says.

NaPo's of Years past
2021. why i can't love like i want to - honestly still so proud of this one
2024. late night coffee and other dreams - just a dabble, nothing big here

Table of Contents - if I get this far.

1.

i feel

honestly i feel as if i can reach deep into my body
into the crevice i have carefully tucked my heart into
to pull out the sludge that are the emotions that i am feeling
as heavy and real as a physical pressure that lives in my chest

i am still feeling

in the years that have passed since i began excavating
breaking through the barriers, layers and layers of concrete
(trying to find the fleshy bits that cried out in pain every time i moved)
i worried that once the pain was gone, there would be nothing left to feel.

what does it mean to be human without a little pain?
i could not imagine it. so it was not real.

but for one
the pain will never leave.
and I'm okay with that.

and for two
as the pain dulled, healed by the softest salve
of warm hands, open ears, and breathless hearts,
there was so much more room for more seed.

i'd never understood the blades of grass that poked out through the sidewalk
it felt futile
empty

but those tiny clovers and dandelions and whatever else folks want to call weeds
showed me where the earth was richest
so once the ground was calm
the rains still fell
and i created a garden.

my heart is a rose
my lungs tulips, covered with the vines of my bones
and i did not know how fertile my body could be
when i felt

Spoiler

Stream of conscious goes brr, but gotta start somehwhere to shake off the rust. Let's hope my brain comes back here tomorrow.