poem

This is my first poem. Its not that good but please comment!

Nothing more then 2 dimensional
a shadow on a wall
the light you see in the morning
i quickly burn out

I am no one to you
you mean nothing to me
who cares about a shadow
in your mind I creep

I am the synical leader
The terrible fiend
For all you know I do no exist
Im invisible to you

Im cursed with this 2 dimensional life
there is no way out now
ill never be the center of attention
but merely the shadow on your wall

Let's fix some mechanics!

Nothing more then 2 (I'd write out "two") dimensional
[s]a[/s] shadow on a wall
the light you see in the morning
i (Capitalize?) quickly burn out

I am no one to you
you mean nothing to me
who cares about a shadow
in your mind I creep

This is the passive voice. It's not very powerful or menacing. How about "I creep in your mind"

I am the synical (I think you meant "cynical") leader
The terrible fiend
For all you know I do no exist
I'm invisible to you

I'm cursed with this 2 dimensional life
there is no way out now
ill (I'll) never be the center of attention
but merely the shadow on your wall

I only have one question - for most of the poem, you express the shadow as a victim..almost. In any case, they are shunned, ignored, and unimportant. If this is so, how come in stanza three the narrator, the shadow, is now all of the sudden a predator? If you are trying to express the predator as a stealthy and vengeful character, I believe you need to cut all lines that give the shadow prey characteristics. Namely:

i quickly burn out

ill never be the center of attention

Give it power, and you'll come across much stronger.

I don't know a lot about poetry, but... I found the "2" a bit distracting, it might be better to write "two". Also, use a spell checker and watch out for places where apostrophes should be ("Im" should be "I'm", "ill" should be "I'll"). And capitalize all the I's (there are just a few you missed).

The frustration and sadness of the narrator comes across well, but I think it could be improved if it was not so centered on the narrator and their feelings--because that's a bit predictable. This article might help.

Good luck!

Do all those things that bonafide says if you want to keep this poem; her suggestions were excellent. You certainly had capitalization and punctuation mistakes, but those are easily fixed by the suggestions of a word processor or YWS member.

I'm a little more concerned with making this poem interesting. It did not pull me in. As the article by Snoink that Lily gave a link to will tell you, it was navel-gazing.
It did not give me any particular feelings about the shadow. What it did was list a bunch of phrases:

I am no one to you
you mean nothing to me
who cares about a shadow
in your mind I creep

I am the synical leader
The terrible fiend
For all you know I do no exist
Im invisible to you

I'm just supposed to take this for granted? I'd like you to show me things about the shadow, things that will make me care about it or hate it or fear it. At the moment, I don't even have a picture of it in my head. Give it a distinct voice. Give it character, and pull your reader in.

Instead of listing these phrases, show images. Demonstrate what's going on. Instead of saying "I'm a terrible fiend" show me some things that will make me think the shadow is a terrible fiend, because I'm sure it is, but I need proof.

It's like me walking up to a man on the street and saying, "Hi, I'm really stupid." He might say, "Okay, maybe that's true," but he's not going to just accept what I've said unless I've done something or said something specifically to make him think that I'm a complete moron. The man on the street is more likely to think me stupid if he saw me walk into straight into a signpost. I didn't directly address him, I didn't lay out the facts, but I've still made a convincing argument for stupidity, and he doesn't need anyone to tell him that.

Good luck and welcome to YWS!
Colleen