The Assassin King pt. 3

Deleted. Check my blog as per reasons why, in the entry entitled "Sigh."

Nice, I remember reading some of your other stuff. A few things

# You use speech tags too often. Dont be afraid of "said" - said is your best friend.

"Speech here," Character said.

Thats fine, use tags sparingly.

#Adverbs - you use a few adverbs in your speech. "shakily" - they arnt necessery, cut them out!

#The stabbing bit was poorly done - I dont think we get enough of what stephen is thinking here, how he feels - like a viper has bit into his body and its poison is spreading through his limbs? Its sort of "stab stab stab" then its all over.
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Ok, now the good. This style is simple, easy to read, nicley paced - I enjoyed the read. I enjoyed Tyson's character, Im a little confused where the fantasy is going to come in but all in good time, eh?

Good work.

Phorcys wrote:Nice, I remember reading some of your other stuff. A few things

# You use speech tags too often. Dont be afraid of "said" - said is your best friend.

"Speech here," Character said.

Thats fine, use tags sparingly.

#Adverbs - you use a few adverbs in your speech. "shakily" - they arnt necessery, cut them out!

#The stabbing bit was poorly done - I dont think we get enough of what stephen is thinking here, how he feels - like a viper has bit into his body and its poison is spreading through his limbs? Its sort of "stab stab stab" then its all over.
--

Ok, now the good. This style is simple, easy to read, nicley paced - I enjoyed the read. I enjoyed Tyson's character, Im a little confused where the fantasy is going to come in but all in good time, eh?

Good work.

All the plot-related stuff you mentioned is actually going to come up later. As I said a while back, the fantasy aspects come up soon- in fact, in the next part. It's not like typical dragons-ghouls-unicorns-wizards kind of fantasy. There's a little magic that enters into it, like Tyson's disappearing act.

Not sure why, but "said" and I must be arch rivals lol. My teachers have done a damn good job of hammering the whole "vary your word choice" thing into my brain. That's something I'm really conscious of when I write.

I have never seen what's wrong with adverbs. Rather, I don't understand why not use them. It's hard for me to look at something and go, "That adverb shouldn't be there." It's just my style, I guess.

But I'll try to make those changes.