I rather liked it, I suppose because of the implied idea.
I think it would work better punctuated.
sorrow is something you learn to live with; like your fingers, your teeth your wingless spine.
But even then, the lines are not all the same rhythm. so its strange to read. Out of it all my favorite part is "Your wingless spine" it makes me think of an angel stripped of its wings.
Beyond the last line though, I don't think it make sense? I agree with the above, how is sorrow like any of this?
Although I just got hit with an interpretation of the poem which may be off completely. rather than sorrow being like a spin, Fingers, teeth, and a spin (wingless, no doubt) is something you have to live with. Like the sorrow. Wow. I feel deep.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
Yes, that was exactly what I was trying to get across. You learn to live with sorrow in the same way you learn to live without wings. Do you have any suggestions so as to make this message stand out more? Because I realize that it's coming off as sorrow is actually like fingers, or a spine, and that's not what I mean at all. I mean that sorrow is just something that becomes a part of you, even if it is not the most beautiful or prided part, you learn to live with and accept it.
I think the addition of one word could do the trick:
(added word in bold)
sorrow is something you learn to live with.
Just like your fingers, your teeth your wingless spine.
And this also give it an amazing pattern. if you look, the first stanza shows 3, 4, 3. The second (I split the two to create importance) 2, 3, 2, 3, 1. It comes of nicely!
For something so short, I think it could be very amazing this way. But, its your poem, what do you think of the adjustments I made?
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
