Letter to a Ghost

A letter to a Ghost

I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I cant because every time I open my mouth to speak to you, it all falls apart and tumbles out of my mouth like a silent waterfall of thoughts, and I don’t know what to say because there is nothing left. I wish you could see the inside of me right now, but I would want to take that ability away from you fast so you would not take advantage of what is inside my thick skin. I wouldn’t want you to see what I see, every day, chasing me in my sleep, kissing me pursuadingly on my quivering lips and holding my hands tight behind my head, so I can’t even struggle. If you weren’t so busy helping everyone else, maybe you would hear my soft, almost silent whispers for security. But they just get lost in the dark, the empty wind catching them off guard and sweeping them away never to be seen again. Oh what has happened to all the beautiful things I once knew? What has happened to my mind? There is a storm going on and I can’t control the rainy weather. The lightning strikes and I fear the thought of drowning in this confusion. Where are you? I am afraid to ask, because if you heard my voice from behind my shield, you would know where I was hiding. I want to call for you, and warn you of the thing that has been lurking behind you since we met. Its almost wrapped around your shoulders now, and you cant even feel it. You just fade away more and more, farthur and farthur. I would try to tell you what its like, but you wouldn’t believe me anyways. You would smile and laugh, just like you always do when I try to tell you my opinion. It’s just something I’ve gotten used to. Although, you couldn’t really call it an opinion, more like an anxiety. And you could barely call that thing you do a smile, and you never laugh. It is your sneer that I’m thinking of. But that is all that is ever there, so I have convinced myself it is a smile, although it is not. I hope I don’t forget my covers for such things, and get surprised by a stab in the back, or worse, through the heart. I hate to admit things to myself...like what I am thinking now. If you were here you would hit me, or call me a name. I can not believe I ever started this. I'm telling you to go away......I do not believe in you...you are slowly fading away and I wish you would disappear. You are gone and I will forget you by tomorrow......at least I hope.

No offense, this looks really interesting, but as it is, it's just this big run-on sentence collection in a huge block of text and (to be honest) I cant be bothered unravelling it at the moment. Perhaps formatting would make it more enticing to the potential reviewer? If you PM me once you've tidied it up a bit I'll be happy to give you a full crit then

Cheers,
~bubbles

Before you read the revised version, let me explain-somewhat-what this is about.
Recently, A friend I knew, and was quite close to, died.
Her boyfriend was the scariest, most manipulative, most abusive thing there was. Even though she is the "ghost" in the REAL situation, I switched it around and made him the ghost. Because even though she is no longer alive, she is more alive than he will ever be.
She was in a situation that was very dangerous, but getting out was going to cause her alot more danger than she was already dealing with.
It was the classic "abusive father/boyfriend" situation where, they hate him, but they cant stop loving him for some sick, strange reason. She never did get out, before it was too late.

(This is really hard for me, but I realized I needed to go back and fix a few things. So thanks)

Anyways, She used to tell me these things in secret, how scared she was for him, of him. I used my own wording, wording I knew she was too scared to say aloud (we knew eachother VERY well-finished eachothers sentences) and just...wrote. It's just kind of a grieving thing for me. Like I say, "I write, therefor I am." It helps me get through alot.

All that being said, crit away. I need the input.


Revised version:

A Letter to a Ghost

I wish I could tell you how I feel.
I cant because every time I open my mouth to speak to you, it all falls apart, tumbling out of my mouth like a silent waterfall of thoughts.
I don’t know what to say because there is nothing left.

I wish you could see the inside of me right now, but I would want to take that ability away from you immediately so you would not take advantage of what is inside my thick skin.
I wouldn’t want you to see what I see, every day, chasing me in my sleep, kissing me persuadingly on my quivering lips.
Holding my hands tight behind my head, so I can’t even struggle.

If you weren’t so busy helping everyone else, maybe you would hear my soft, almost silent whispers for security.
They just get lost in the dark, the empty wind catching them off guard and sweeping them away, never to be seen again.

Oh what has happened to all the beautiful things I once knew?
What has happened to my mind?

There is a storm going on and I can’t control the rainy weather.
The lightning strikes and I fear the thought of drowning in this confusion.

Where are you?
I am afraid to ask.
If you heard my voice from behind these walls, you would know where I was hiding.
Locked inside myself, I cry for help with tears of regret.

I want to call for you, and warn you of the thing that has been lurking behind you since we met.
It’s almost wrapped around your shoulders now, and you can’t even feel it.
You just fade away more and more, farther and farther.

I would try to tell you what its like, but you wouldn’t believe me anyways.
You would smile and laugh, just like you always do when I try to tell you my opinion.
It’s just something I’ve gotten used to.
Although, you couldn’t really call it an opinion, more like an anxiety.
And you could barely call that thing you do a smile.

It is your sneer that I’m thinking of.
That is all that is ever there, so I have convinced myself it is a smile.
Convinced myself that maybe, just maybe, you are happy with the way things are.
I hope I don’t forget my covers for such things, and get surprised by a stab in the back, or worse, through the heart.

I hate to admit things to myself...like what I am thinking now.
If you were here you would hit me, or call me a name.

I cannot believe I ever started this.
I'm telling you to go away.
I do not believe in you.
You are slowly fading away and I wish you would disappear.

You are gone and I will forget you by tomorrow.
At least I hope.

I miss you.

It's a touching subject, and it reads and sounds a whole lot better with the paragraphs, as I just skipped over the best bits in the first edit.

Was the part about your friend related to the letter, or did you just have to put that in there to show us what the letter was about?

RR*