innocent realizations from a less-than-inncoent girl.

i am the kind of girl you want. for no other reason than that i make you believe it as much as i do. i can fill your head with thoughts about how much i could change your life with winks and stares and "accidental" hand contact. i can keep you on the side by giving you just enough of what you want. string you along with flirtation and not-so-subtle remarks.
i'm the kind of girl you could write a song about what you think i am, and later write songs about who i really am. cliche as it sounds, i don't even know anymore.
in adjectives, i am carefree, simple, irritating.
in nounds, i am an itch, a breath of fresh air, a flu virus.
never boring, never exciting, sometimes harmful.
its alarming and almost scary to think of oneself in such naked terms, but i am exactly that.
i'm most comfortable in my room. with nobody. and nothing.
thats why i hate to be alone.
i can get under even the thickest of skins.
even those covered in bandages.
even in those covered in scar tissues.
even those expecting me to strike again.

First of all, let me comment on this:

What's up with your formatting? The way you wrote this out might be excusable in poetry.. Might. But for non-fiction? No.

What this tells me is you have little respect for your work and for the people who you expect to read and critique it. I nearly passed it up for this very reason.

If you are seeking serious critique, please be serious with your work and have some courtesy when posting it. This means proper punctuation and formatting.

If you think I'm being too harsh, you might consider yourself lucky that I got to you before someone else did.

On with the critique then:

As infuriated as I was when I glanced at it, I liked the piece as far as the message goes. Though it is a mystery to me as to what purpose it serves. It's a piece, but of what? Surely you have more to offer to it.

I'm wondering if maybe you wrote this straight into the submission box without any pre-thought when you were feeling particularly distressed. While this stuff does serve to make fresh, raw pieces of writing, which I do find to be some of the best, it should be molded more before gracing YWS. Many people here spend ages on work before submitting it for constructive review. Don't expect we're here to write the piece for you.

This needs some serious shaping. I don't recommend you trash it. Just polish it.

As always,

Miss POKE

I'm going to agree with Rose here, there seems to be little to no thought put into this and the purpose? Seemingly non existent. I would recommend turning this into poetry, where you might have more success. As it is, its a rather poor attempt. Spell check, proper punctuation and grammar are necessities in writing. You shouldnt bother if your going to ignore them.

Yeh, I agree with Miss POKE. There are a few bits that need to be touched up, but it looked good.

But as for your grammer, there wasn't much of it! Every 'i' needs to be capitalised to 'I', and at the beginning of a sentence.

It isn't a bad piece, but it's not right in this forum, somewhere in poetry or fiction it might be better off.

Hope it helps!

RR*