Wow I love it. I can feel the emotion when i read it as well. It gave me chills. I really enjoyed reading it. What I would give to be able to write as well as you do.
"This was my first bus ride."
----Ardeth Bay from the Mummy Returns
I liked it alot. I think you should break up some of the longer lines.
Quote "in magazines now, partnered to happily-ever-after cautionary tales"
Should be split after the comma.
Quote "and no quantity of granules sprinkled over wet-spotted pillowcases "
Should be split after garnukes.
It just a suggestion so you don't have to split tje lines if you don't want to.
