Chapter Two (Playing with fire)

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I reached the edge of the woods and stopped by a gate to think.
She had been backed up against an Oak tree, almost rejecting my sleazy advances, but she never used force. She was ever so... gentle... innocent... It really pissed me off.
Why was I loitering in the woods looking for her anyway?
Did I want to see her?
I thought I did... at the time.
For a few minutes I actually felt that I wanted her.
To begin with I was messing with her head, telling her she did want me, tilting her pretty head back and kissing her perfect red lips, stroking her beautiful hair.
And then, as I drank in her innocence and attempted to snatch a piece of her pure white soul.... something snapped. I couldn't kiss her for any longer and I did what I always do.
I did what I am doing now.
I am running away and hiding from her... letting her think I don't care.
And she's right in thinking that.
I don't care.
I didn't even turn to see her expression. But I can guess what it displayed.
HATE.
For she hates me.
Why else would she cower and back away?
Why else would she whine "No," pitifully?
For two years I have been watching Cady.
Being three years older than her I never found a way to socialise with her.
I would dream of approaching her in the street and she would take my hand and clutch it to her heart as she let me walk beside her.
Mostly, I followed her home when she was alone. She would walk to her drive and open the door of her large, luxurious house.
I envied her too.
She lived with her father in the biggest house in Green Grove. She was richer than most people on the block and yet… she wasn’t spoilt.
She didn’t act as if she was superior to us lower class. No. She was too nice for her own good.
I eventually came across a chance of introducing myself to her. I overheard Imogen, a friend of hers, mention that there was a rave and music festival in Reading and that the gorgeous Cady was going to be there.
I jumped at the chance and drove there with some lads from college.
When we got to the hostel everyone was buzzing with excitement and chatting away to new people.
I scanned the room and my eyes met Cady’s instantly.
She was wearing a flimsy black silk dress with a black cardigan buttoned up showing off her ample cleavage.
I hesitated before heading straight for her.
Before this she had been untouchable.
My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty.
I looked at her slowly.
“Hi Katie,” I smiled.
“Cady.” She corrected me also with a smile. Her perfect lips glossed over.
But before I was able to get the conversation flowing, Imogen bounded up and enthusiastically introduced herself with a flourish.
I looked at Cady and she had lost interest in me completely.
I turned my attention to Imogen and… that was that.
But when I saw her at the rave dancing flirtatiously with some local boys I became so jealous.
This time I made her notice me.
I got closer, pulled her to my body and kissed her.
The feelings erupting in my stomach when her soft lips touched mine, her fingers digging into the waistband of my jeans… I panicked.
So when Imogen shimmied towards us, I lunged for her and she didn’t object.
I locked lips with her and when I surfaced… Cady had gone.
I wondered if she had been jealous.
I wondered if she had stopped to watch.
I casually asked one of the Reading boys where she was but they could hardly stand, let alone speak.
Imogen was quite pushy and suggested we go back to the hostel.
Burnt by rejection from Cady I followed pursuit and I found myself in her hostel room.
But as the kissing got heavier between us, she pulled away.
“This is a one night stand right?” She asked before going any further.
I looked at her with an incredulous smirk.
“You would never be anything else.” I answered standing away from her.
Imogen looked up.
“I know you’re a lesbian.” I added.
She fumbled with the cover.
“You could change things…” Imogen suggested.
I shook my head, brought my face down to her and smirked.
“Not on your life…”
Imogen went to grab my arm and as she gripped my wrist and pulled me on top of her the door burst open … and there stood Cady.
Close to tears?
Did she care? I thought.
I decided to act unconcerned and went to find my clothes in the cluttered room.
I could feel Cady’s eyes burning into me.
I felt ashamed.
I hadn’t intended to sleep with Imogen had I?
And why did I even care how Cady felt?
Since that day I had toyed with Cady and teased, intrigued and rejected her in every possible way. And yet, her hatred grew for me as each day passed and when she went off to Boarding school at the end of the holidays my heart felt hollow.
And so I filled the time with meaningless flings.
Using girls and playing them. Without Cady it was like something was missing.
Last edited by lexy on Mon Oct 16, 2006 10:24 am, edited 1 time in total.




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large, luxury, wealthy house.
I think you should take out 'wealthy' since its the same thing as 'luxury' and change luxury to luxurious.

And so I filled the time with flings without meaning.
And so I filled the time with meaningless flings.

For some reason this chapter...wasn't as good as the others. Because you changed POVs its like you lost your energy, nothing sounded as good. I didn't feel the emotion as strongly, and the passage didn't really flow. I'm not sure what I could point out to you. It was the way he talked, he sounded hollow.

One other thing I noticed. I'm unsure of whether the rave came first, or the meeting in the woods? It's completely lost on me, so maybe that could be clarified.

And again, if she lives with her father, and drinks and all, how old is she?

That's all I could find. I'm sorry my critique was so vague ^^' it just lost something, I think you might be struggling to write in a guys POV.

but I do like the overbearing misunderstandings they are having! Poor Cady! He really does love you!
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Yeah I know its feeble and weak but I can't write in a guys POV, its so difficult.
Thanks anyways xxx
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. - Peter O'Toole




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I would agree with Claudette in that this chapter didn't make as much sense as the others. For one, I thought the whole thing between Imogen and Owen was a nightmare that Cady had had...I suppose not, now, but I could be mistaken. Clarify! :wink:

Also, this section was quite a bit choppier than the others. This may have been an attempt for characterization, but some of it was grammatically wrong, so I would combine sentences so you get that nice, lively flow that you had going in the other chapters.

Is there anything specific you'd like to know about writing from a guy's POV? That's the only POV I write from, usually (I tried writing for a girl, but Snoink said she sounded like a man :P), so if you've got any questions or a need for tips, just ask. I'm really used to it, though, so you'd have to be pretty specific. :D
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin



How can I be king of the world? Because I am king of rubbish. And rubbish is what the world is made of.
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane