The Way It Is

The Way It Is

A great land of arrogant fools
Forces thoughts on the unsuspecting

Sheds the red of shadows
Of a source unseen

Destruction and death on one side
Fear on the other

Pressure grows
And causes strain

As arrogant fools
Chase a shadow unseen

Firstly, this poem is somewhat depressing. Secondly, I dont' have a lot of critiquing to do, for three lines. Ah, well, here goes.

Under the pressure of a million eyes

This is kinda confusing. At least to me it is. Also, when paired up with the third line, it is made even more confusing. You could clear it up by using a differnent word than pressure. Usually madmen aren't under alot of pressure from other people.

Well, that was pretty much it.

I, and I say this everytime I crit such a poem, am not a fan of short poems. So I often don't have much to say to them.

But, I have to agree that the lines here just don't connect...at all. I can see how you want them to connect, but three lines is not going to do it. =/

I hesitate to critique this for the simple reason that I find it hard to know what to say. That is, as write me said, it's clear how you *want* these lines to connect, but the fact that they dont makes them hard to approach from a critical standpoint.

Your idea is clear and strong, but your language is loaded and you dont give us enough material to work with. If I were you, I would expand this to show us, rather than tell us. As it is, it kind of reads like a semi-cryptic piece of graffiti. And I say semi-cryptic because although you name no names, it's kind of obvious who you're talking about. A better approach might be to come right out and say it, rather than insult our intelligence by pretending to play games.

Yeah. This needs to be a bit more of a poem before I can really crit properly.

Cheers,
~bubbles

Thanks peoples.

I wrote this for my Creative writing class and it had to be 4 lines or less. But i agree with the confusion. I lost it's meaning a while ago but i was happy i managed to get something out. Anywho I'll think on it and see what i can come up with.

Thanks again.

It was sort of short, but I liked it. If I were you, I'd add on to this poem and expound on uit, because from what I read, it was well written and It had a good idea. I want more, so get too it. ^_^ Good job.

I don't know if that's any better but it just kinda hit me all of a sudden.