Acrostic

Letting your soul
Invite breath into your body
For years to come, you wish it was
Eternal.... but it will end.

Is this the beginning of something great?

Or the end of something spectacular?

My dictionary says the word is acrostic.

May I challenge you? add IS DEATH.

Yes or no, this is a really good use of the word LIFE in this acrostic piece.

Yeah definately good.

please?

Hi lexy,


Having read your poem, I see that it is indeed a "first poem"--the work of a beginner. That's not bad. None of us would be here if we hadn't begun. Sadly, though, if you want to survive my critiques (which I have spared you of, this time), you will have to move beyond a beginner's level-that is not to say you will not find others here who appreciate these sophomoric attempts (obviously the users above me have).

Most of the folks who seriously post on the YWS are fairly experienced students and writers of poetry or narrative of one sort or another. The criticism here is honest, and can seem harsh. I strongly recommend that right now you take a good look at the posts I made on poetry in the Writing Tips forum.

The poem you posted, while doubtless heartfelt, is filled with cliche and abstraction: from beginning to end, it was genuinely uninteresting. Work like that is going to get torn to shreds here.

There are other internet forums that work better for folks just starting out--Poetry Free For All comes to mind right away. Other than that, let me recommend Ted Kooser's book A Poetry Home Repair Manual--very readable and pleasant--and it will get you past the standard newbie pitfalls.


Take care,
Brad

I only have a minute, but here goes:

The only problem I have with this is the use of "life" in the last line, as it's the word you used to from the the acrostic. Good job!

Sounds like something that should go either at the end or the beginning of something, but I would give up the idea of an acrostic. . .better to let it go where it wants to. Definitely very good though. Bravo.

Lexy,
I found this a wonderful read, a bit short, but wonderful. But it does sound like something that is a work in progress.
Loved it!
Pandora

It seems a little bare at the moment, though it does have potential. I would like to seem some more pretty description starting with this line:

Invite breath into your body

That's such a pretty line, and it begs to be expanded. So try working on some imagery to fit that line, and I'm sure you'll come up with something good.

I haven't seen any other accrostics... anyone written one that I can look at for infulential reasons. xxxxx

Too short i kinda felt like it should be part of something more? Other than that its very good, but maybe add it onto something?

it fits in with my stroy playing with fire.

xxx

Letting your soul
Invite breath into your body
For years to come, you wish it was
Eternal.... but it will end.

I like the second line best, even though Snoink already pointed that out, it really is pretty.

However, it does seem like you could make it longer, plus the last line's rhythm seems a bit off. Perhaps add a few syllables or something? Here are a few suggestions:

Eternal, it seems, but it will end.

Or...

Eternal, but I know it will end.

Obviously, it's best to think of something yourself, but I just don't like the use of the '...' after Eternal.

Good luck with it,

Kay

This is the first accrostic on here that I've liked. well done!

I thought it was short and lacking in imagery... the words you used were big, vague words... "soul", "eternal", "life", "end"...and the poem lacked in specific pictures, sounds, and experiences that might draw the reader in and open a connection to your audience. I felt like it was trying to say too much in too short a space, that the words hadn't really been thought through in entirety (even though that probably isn't true). Keep writing, keep learning, it'll come.