Yield

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timjim77
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 212
Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:37 am
timjim77 says... · Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:37 am
Underneath your layers
There lies a core
Underneath your scabs
There lies a sore

Echoes from eternity
Bouncing off the satellites
Things begin with explosions
Let’s all explode tonight

Your family ties
Cut off your circulation
Electrons in orbit
‘Round Grand Central Station

The atmosphere is full of holes
And holes are full of everything
Let go of the ropes now
Dance to the void, and sing

Yield to the sign
Pray to your God
Nothing is mine
It’s all a façade
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GibsonGirl
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 31
Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:21 pm
GibsonGirl says... · Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:21 pm
Hmm. This is pretty good. There's some forced rhyming here, which I don't have time to point out. I'll (hopefully) be back later to say more.
DJ Dan-shutting down the man!
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GibsonGirl
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 31
Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:56 pm
GibsonGirl says... · Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:56 pm
Yield to the sign
Pray to your God
Nothing is mine
It’s all a façade


This is the part that sounded forced. Other than that, it's pretty good.
DJ Dan-shutting down the man!
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3 posts


This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy