Ideas?

Came across this poem whilst browsing through old work. Wondering if anything could be made of it...

Emotions you feel are something
But don't feel so bad
You have a life of goodness
Please review, be glad

See the world with different eyes
See the colours true
Be happy to see the world
Through the person that you do

Think of others and how
If they had a chance
They would have education
Before any music to dance

Use your brain,
Try to help with some things
Everything you use
To them its just dreams

But don't use this
Against all things
Make the most
Of everything

See the world with different eyes
See the colours true
Be happy to see the world
Through the person that you do


... I think it has something, I would appriciate your thoughts.

Thanks
Jtk

"Emotions you feel are something"

... Something what?

I think it has potential... I really do... but the rhyming dragged it down a bit, in my opinion and it seems it got smaller until the 5th stanza then suddenly the lines were longer.

Hmm... I liked it otherwise, it's early for me, not much to say, on a chocolate hype. If you could just... get rid of all the rhymes, most anyway, it's ok sometimes for me, but make it more... METAPHORICAL and ... SMILIATIC *I made that word up...* and use more images... You have beautiful ones, expand on them.

And welcome to YWS.

---Elizabeth

Yeah i agree with Eli about the something,it makes it sound vague.

I liked the ending.
Keep up ur good job.

-Ani

Thank you for your thoughts. It was an old piece of work and it made me think. I will work on it.

Thanks again

Jtk xx

Yeah, it was kind of vague and rather preachy. Not bad, but you show definite potential so I'm sure you've been improving.

When you write poetry, close your eyes and picture the image that you want to create. Basically, you're going to be storytelling, but not necessarily with a plot! Instead, you'll use words and visual clues to help you show the image so the reader will be able to feel what is happening. So, by giving a lovely picture, you'll be helping paint a picture in the reader's mind. So we'll be able to taste happiness through imagery.

Good luck!

I'm confused. I didn't understand any of this.
Pandora

jtksmile--


How touching.

Did you feel like this would persuade me to your optimism? In that regard, you have failed miserably.

Poetry is an art as much as an ar(gumen)t--don't forget to incorporate both in your attempts.


Best,
Brad