The Garden

i loved this poem... i can't say you need to improve because right now i'm caring for a robot baby but i'll be sure to comment more thouroughly later.

I praise you too much.

Um, just a question: do you write from a woman's point of view?

My kiss once sealed the tomb
of his empty mouth

I've noticed the 'his' in your pieces before and I've always wondered if that was deliberate, if you were going for an effect ...

who do not open their doors (or windows)
to mourn for boys who slayed each other still live nearby.

Thats really long winded, and for some reason I feel as if there should be a comma after 'other' and before 'still'.

I really like this though, especially the first line.

Jiggity,


A poem is told from whomever's perspective you want it to be told from. Don't let the gender of the writer determine the gender of the narrator.


All the best,
Brad

I love you Brad, but you already know that. The imagery is amazing, and the allusions and such make it that much richer. I think this has to be one of my favorite poems of yours.

How's that for being unconstructive?



CL.

Oh, yay! Some of the allusions (yeah, I think that's what you call it, hehe) are really pretty, and since I'm oh so religious (hehe) I can definitely see some connections with Christianity. For me, anyway. Because of this, the last verse was my favorite since DUDE. It reminds me of that one gospel story where Jesus draws water for this one woman and they bicker for a bit. And the fact that she would be turned away from the well is amazing in that sense.

So yeah. I liked it a bunch.

to mourn for boys who slayed each other still live nearby.

Too long. Divide it up.

Sorry for caustic comments, it's getting far too late for me to talk anymore -- brillance indeed, Brad. You find the right words for everything.