To set an example (MY FIRST WRITING POST)

To Set an Example.
-Slick Jimmy

Click-clack's with perfect repetitive beat.

Blank page became ideological feat.

ne'er mine eye stray from this performance.

Yet, pain is caused to this conformance.

Oddities appear with no reason. Shall be my friend, or fiend? Why would she cry not die? How could a cat row the boat, and not meow with goats?

Tricks they play, mine tools of expression.
Become they now tools of obsession.

ne'er more they relay mine own minds eye.

But Creator,
Traitor!
Betrayer!

Take back these things of taunt. Restore their rhythm.

Be certain to set them in their role.

Performance now lack with one less player.

When writing poetry, there are certain questions that should be asked at the beginning and end of the writing process, as well as all the way through. Chief among those is the occasionally depressing query, "what makes my poem unique?"
However, there is a precursor that is sometimes required: "what makes my poem poetic?"

If you're struggling on that one, you really need some three-truck-blaze claim-the-insurance kind of overhaul on your piece.

Most people blessed on this good earth with elementary schooling are capable of writing in sentences. In some cases, they are capable of making them sound interesting or even (rarely) beautiful. We are not, however, in the habit of calling that poetry: at the very most, it classes as prose. This is because poetry requires something (or several things) extra to put it in a class above ordinary conversational language.

Poetry requires rhythm, and it requires structure. Do not for a moment believe that just because what you have written is "free verse" you do not need structure of rhythm - absolutely the opposite. All free verse means is that there is no standardised structure. The poem must still flow - it must still impart to the reader (quite apart from the words) a sense of the overall feeling of the poem, whether that be hurried and rushed or slow and stately. The first five lines of your poem are 11, 14, 9, 7 and 33 syllables respectively - there is no attempt to have some kind of rhythm, some kind of normality going. Effectively what you have done is written down sentences (missed a few words, too, I notice, which doesn't actually add anything to it apart from a certain disrespect for grammar and syntax) and stuck line breaks between them. You have a 'poem' of one-sentence, one-line verses. And that just isn't a poem.

I won't even start on the actual text, because it doesn't really matter. Before you write poetry, you must have at least a basic understanding of what constitutes a poem - that means reading poetry, reading up on rhythm and meter and having some sort of idea of what framework your ideas need to fit into. Poetry is not simply an outpouring of the brain: it is putting a mask over the incomprehensible, and the structure and design of that mask are equally as important as the feeling or inspiration that feeds it.

Agreed. Also, to have a truly good poem, you have to have three things:

IDEA

This is the main idea of the poem. What do you want to say?

VOICE

This is how you say it. What images and senses do you invoke to cause this idea to come out?

CONFLICT

This is what propels the poem. What conflict is there? Even happy poems have to have some bit of conflict, or else they are just fluff.

If none of these three stand out, then the poem dies a miserable death.

If you want to have a nonsense poem, then it's slightly different. Nonsense poems are usually rhymed or in some meter so that even though they are nonsense, they just roll off the tip of the tongue. And that's pretty.

But this doesn't roll off the tip of the tongue. Or have the three things. So work on that. Start off with an idea and continue from there.

WTF! I was having fun here for like the first three days.

I write something after I was inspired by a friend, and I realize it is not going to win an award for poetry, So I put it in the Randomness forum, and I get yell at.

So I put in the poetry index, and I get yelled at again!

I agree it is more prose. SO I will move is to the "OTHER" category.

Anywho, young brit, I forgot no word. Chose them all carefully, I changed 'em a few times too. My word usage and rhythm and conclusion are all EXACTLY what this "prose" is about.

"In 'To Set an Example', my author is not intelligent enough to create what is in head. He concentrates to much on the theatrical, and in the end he blames his fingers, so he cuts one off. Having one less finger gives him the excuse he needs to accept the fact that he simply is not a good writer."

If you are confused, just ask, and ALWAYS REMEMBER..........

I dont call me SlickJimmy for nuthin'

Um... you're not getting yelled at. This is something we call a critique. So when you put your work into the literary forums, there will be those who come around and critique your stuff, giving you ideas on how you can improve, either on this work or on your next. If you want to display your stuff, you should put it on your website.

You too SNOIK? (I know you didnt yell snoik, but that brit sure did)

SlickJimmy, Bob and Snoink were simply trying to help you improve. They weren't yelling at you. Everyone wants to help here, and the only way to do that is to tell it like it is.

Your attitude is not what we want on this site. If you have ever read the rules, you should be courteous and nice to all members. Your post is arrogant and trying to be witty, having the last word, etc. That's not how we work. If you don't like the way we do things here, go somewhere else. It's as simple as that.

Now, seeing as I don't want to make you feel unwelcome, I simply ask you to read the rules, the FAQs in the Infromation Desk forum, and don't try and be patronising just because you're older than everyone here. This is a Young Writers Society after all.

Now, seeing as this is going off-topic, I hope posts after this can talk about the literary piece itself again.

SlickJimmy, if you want to respond to this, PM me. Don't add to this thread. Thanks.

not my intentions, my apologies to all who read this.

Did I fix ok?

Anyway, thier reactions were exactly what I was looking for from this piece. The entire 'idea' of the poem is to offend the poet. Like I said, my author is exactly the person that deserves Backroundbobs critique.

I really am sorry I got carried away. I took out a few thing but will leave the rest.

Jimmy, you can't illustrate something by being it. Our reactions aren't anything to do with how much we love or hate the character - I didn't even realise there was a character, that's how bad the piece was. If I'd gotten a sense of hatred or a sense of anything from this, that would be something, but all it was was incomprehensible jargon.

If your readers can't get anything from your poem, it isn't worth anything; more than that, writing about bad poetry isn't an excuse to write bad poetry. It's not post-modern and it's not clever, it just doesn't work or connect on any level.

Thank you for your critique, Bob.