new story--called Truth Serum

If only she hadn’t picked up the girl hitchhiking….Dahlia Wilcox was a girl just trying to finish her college degree. All that changes when one night, she picks up Isobel Raine, an agent from a new division of the FBI. The new division? “The Truth-Seekers”, a group of young adults who are very good at blending in and finding what needs to be found. Currently they’re trying to find a truth serum that’s being hidden by one of Dahlia’s family members, so they recruit her to find it.

Please, I need opinions on whether you would read this or not! Thanks!

Hey there kwood!

First of all, welcome to the site <3

I'd say that I'm at a maybe right now with reading this story, because the thing that I'm hesitant about it the concept of "young adults" being this focus in the new branch of the FBI. I think that's just a way of saying "let's get teenagers into the FBI". In reality, this branch would have a range of age groups in it, just like a vast majority of jobs today. Since you have this new concept of older generations working far later than ever before and younger generations getting into better jobs than ever before, there's going to definitely be all age groups in something like the FBI.

I think you should also be cautious about not doing the FBI justice on how you write it! Definitely be careful with making the FBI out as just another police force. These "Truth-seekers" are probably the best of the best, so I think your writing could definitely reflect that.

All in all, if you do post this on YWS, be sure to poke me about it! I love world-building and getting inside the heads of what makes a story tick so I would love to see how you portray this.

Thank you so much for your opinion and help! i rewrote the synopsis: how does this sound:

If only she hadn't picked up the girl hitch-hiking....Dahlia Wilcox was a girl just trying to finish her college degree. All that changes when one night, she picks up Isobel Raine, an agent from a division of the FBI, focused on young people with the ability to find the truth. The division is called Truth-Seekers, and they desperately need Dahlia's help to find an item her family member is hiding.

Thanks again!!