The Horse

The Horse

A soft velvet nose
where just being able to touch it
is like a kiss on the cheek.

Big brown eyes
glistening so brightly with magical emotion
it seems like he's about to cry all the time.

Graceful and strong curving neck,
proportions made by God in heaven.

Rippling shoulder muscles
giving way to sure-footed feet.

Sturdy, wide back
a cradle made for me.

Sleek and flowing mane,
the plume to top it all off
on this magnificent and graceful animal,
the horse.



Not my best, I know. Just something to put out there.

I think you need to have some parallelism. Separate your subjects:

A soft velvet nose
where just being able to touch it
is like a kiss on the cheek.

Big brown eyes
glistening so brightly with magical emotion
it seems like he's abot to cry all the time.

Graceful and strong curving neck,
proportions made by God in heaven.

Rippling shoulder muscles
giving way to sure-footed feet.

Sturdy, wide back
a cradle made for me.

Sleek and flowing mane,
the plume to top it all off
on this magnificent and graceful animal,
the horse.

And then you'll see that it isn't quite an even poem. Try to make three (or two) lines dedicated to each part. Just be consistant!

And I love horses...

Snoink wrote:I think you need to have some parallelism. Separate your subjects:

A soft velvet nose
where just being able to touch it
is like a kiss on the cheek.

Big brown eyes
glistening so brightly with magical emotion
it seems like he's abot to cry all the time.

Graceful and strong curving neck,
proportions made by God in heaven.

Rippling shoulder muscles
giving way to sure-footed feet.

Sturdy, wide back
a cradle made for me.

Sleek and flowing mane,
the plume to top it all off
on this magnificent and graceful animal,
the horse.

And then you'll see that it isn't quite an even poem. Try to make three (or two) lines dedicated to each part. Just be consistant!

And I love horses...

I definitely agree with the paralellism point here, but it's still a nice poem. Oh, and I thought I'd let you know, I think you spelled "about" wrong in the sixth line (sorry; I just thought I'd point it out as misspellings drive me INSANE!!!). Otherwise, good poem, and yes, horses are lovely.

This is a good description of a horse, though some of the phrases are pretty cliche. This isn't an especially powerful poem, but it's nice, I enjoyed it. One typo: "abot" should be "about".
I can tell from the admiring tone of this poem that you really love horses. Me too.

Typo, fixed. Spacing, fixed. I was gonna do the spacing before but I decided not to because they are weird lengths. Whatever works though. And yes, I love horses too. They used to be my favorite animal in the world and I was obsessed about them. But now I have grow to love most all animals. Except the icky ones... like armadillos. Armadillos are weird. Hehe!