the beauty is in the tragedy

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falling is the closest we've ever come
to doing something right.

those words painted by your eyes
were soaked with tears, ruined
by the clouds, torn by the thunder
until you only said things that
made no sense (emotions echoed
still in the silence).

a kiss doesn't end a fight, a whisper
will never end the noise: only
time can ever collapse the past, and
we'll just dream of pathways
never opened (we never had
the keys).
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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until you only said things that
made no sense (emotions echoed
still in the silence).


These lines sounded a little awkward... I think it's the "made no sense." It sounds so familiar that it doesn't strike an image.

But I love the last stanza, especially the imagery of the last line. :)
Last edited by Snoink on Sun Apr 16, 2006 1:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I agree with Snoink that that line didn't exactly...flow as much of the rest of the poem did. I wouldn't be so picky if it weren't for the fact that you ARE and CAN BE such a good poet.
Carpe Diem.




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Yeah, you're both right. The images in this are a bit rubbish. Still, I needed to get something off my chest. You know that feeling like everything you try to float, the ship is still gonna sink anyway? Flogging a dead horse, I think they call it. But that's a rather blunt expression.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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I actually thought it was quite beautiful. An image of falling from grace, in many ways. I enjoyed it.




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I loved this poem...it captured the emotions so well. You have great talent. Need I say more?

Mary :wink:
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?




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I think if Conor Obrest read this he'd commit suicide just so he could turn over in his own grave.




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If such a great musician took the time to read this, I'd be honoured.

Try being constructive next time and someone might appreciate your "wit".
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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Umm, you know i hate that i havent been "ontop" of reading on YWS because once i get to it, all that needed to be said has been said. But i feel like telling you anyway.

I agree with snoink and gummy. But i did love the poem very much. so i also agree with writingluver5.
amor, pérdida, y la vida vivimos en medio.




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This reminds me of something that I wrote. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but I <u>love</u> the opening stanza/line/whatnot. Mostly because well, it seems true. It isn't just poetic words made to sound pretty. Honestly, a lot of the poetry I've read lately seems unbearingly surreal..maybe it's just because of my lack of interest in the fantasy world, but <i>anyway</i>, I appreciate the poem's sincerity.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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I liked it, a lot. Especially the first few images. It had a weak ending, but the overall feeling of it was...er...not "sad" precisely, but it was relatable.




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You're starting to sound a touch like Brad.

This is a great improvement from some of your earlier poetry. It flows well throughout and ends strongly.



To be a master of metaphor is the greatest thing by far. It is the one thing that cannot be learnt from others, and it is also a sign of genius.
— Aristotle, Poetics