Angel

My Angel

I watched, wide-eyed in fear as the angel descended upon me.

He was beautiful--more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen before. His features are flawless and straight, although his eyes are the most alluring thing about him--they are depthless and brooding; the color of a thunderhead before the storm breaks. Despite his beauty an unknown terror clutched me as he approached.

Everywhere around me was dark; except near my angel. A strange halo of light radiated off of his porcelain skin.

Slowly and gracefully he approached me in my dark dusty corner.

The angel smiled mockingly at me as I peeked up at him. He wasn’t how I imagined an angel should be. . .maybe he wasn’t an angel though--I couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t reaching out with compassion and tenderness; instead there seemed to be a cold cruelty about him.

Frightened I shuffled away from him, towards the dark that always kept me hidden, but I made the mistake of meeting his mesmerizing eyes.

“Run,” he commanded me. His voice was powerful and beautiful, like bells tolling over the hills.

Not wanting to anger my angel, I obeyed. I ran blindly into the darkness and away from him and his light although echoes of his command seemed to follow me.

I ran back into the darkness that soon engulfed me.

EDIT: I added a description of him.

Hehe... ouch. Poor character! And that's a bad angel. Bad angel!

Still, I did like it. Scary message though...

He was beautiful--more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen before. I can’t even begin to think of the words that could describe him.

Consider this. You called him beautiful, then you say that he is indescribable, then you procede to describe his face as porcelin.And you say that he didn't look like you thought an angel would look.

Okay.

If he is indescribable, then don't describe him! But, chances are, that's just a way out. If you said he was beautiful, even though his hair was greasy, he was wearing sneakers, and he had pimples all over his face, then I would accept it better. But... this isn't working.

Ask yourself what you think makes a man beautiful. For example, my sister and I were talking, and we figured that God must be a man who wears an Italian suit because guys who wear Italian suits look godly. This is probably a different view than the one you have, but still. Make a list. Then, decide which characteristics you wish to use for this character.

Good luck!

Good point. I shall try and describe him.

Thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it.

Manzanna wrote:My Angel

I watched, wide-eyed in fear as the angel descended upon me.

He was beautiful--more beautiful than anything [s]I’ve[/s] I'd ever seen [s]before[/s]. His features [s]are[/s] were flawless and straight, although his eyes [s]are[/s] were the most alluring thing about him--[s]they are[/s] depthless and brooding; the color of a thunderhead before [s]the[/s] a breaking storm [s]breaks[/s]. Despite his beauty an unknown terror clutched me as he approached.

Everywhere around me was dark; except near my angel. A strange halo of light radiated [s]off of [/s] from his porcelain skin.

Slowly and gracefully he approached me in my dark dusty corner.

[s]The[/s] He/It [s]angel[/s] smiled mockingly at me as I peeked up at him. He wasn’t how I imagined an angel should be. . .maybe he wasn’t an angel though--I couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t reaching out with compassion and tenderness; instead there seemed to be a cold cruelty about him.

Frightened I shuffled away [s]from him[/s], towards the dark that always kept me hidden, but I made the mistake of meeting his mesmerizing eyes.

“Run,” he commanded me. His voice was powerful and beautiful, like bells tolling over the hills.

Not wanting to anger [s]my angel[/s] him, I obeyed. [s]I[/s] Andran blindly into the darkness [s]and[/s] , away from him and his light, although echoes of his command seemed to follow me.

I ran back into the darkness that soon engulfed me.

EDIT: I added a description of him.

That was cool. It could use some revising but it was still awesome. I thought it was odd when he told you to run though. Nice piece.

Use the skin 'YWS Light' to see the proper critique.

-MH

My opinon of angels are entirely different but I did enjoy reading this... though it seemed really fast...