thoughts through scissor blades

Let me try to understand
There’s this feeling in my hand
It is a blade sinking deeper in my skin?
Did I rip, with my right hand?
And watch this seeping wound expand
And close my eyes and let the scissors do the talking?

My eyes are open and I think,
Now that you've made me feel this way,
What else waits amidst these so called doings?
I raise the blade towards my neck
Close my eyes, in due respect
And the let the scissors finish teasing, finish taunting.

It doesn't really have a god finish. It just sort of floats away. Maybe you can rearrange your ines so that it feels more conclusive?

Snoink's right. Weak ending, undeserving of such a good poem.

Let me try to understand
There’s this feeling in my hand
It is a blade sinking deeper in my skin?
Did I rip, with my right hand?
I didn't get this. Did "it" rip, do you mean?
And watch this seeping wound expand
And close my eyes and let the scissors do the talking?
too many and's

My eyes are open and I think,
no comma needed
Now that you've made me feel this way,
What else waits amidst these so called doings?
I raise the blade towards my neck
Close my eyes, in due respect
And the let the scissors finish teasing, finish taunting.

thansk for the comments. this isnt one of the best i've wrtten, just wanted to see what you guys thought.
.

I actually liked it. It's hard to critique poems, but it had a nice flow. I especially liked the like "let the scissors do the talking."

AstrangedbeaR wrote:It is a blade sinking deeper in my skin?

Should this be Is it a blade sinking deeper in my skin?
The way you have it worded doesn't really seem like a question, to me. But perhaps you meant to do that?

Anywho, I REALLY liked this poem. Especially the line, as Misty said, "And close my eyes and let my scissors do the talking?"

Great work!

Hey Miss Murder,

Can I offer up a critique? Enjoy some inline comments with hot chocolate:

Let me (try to) understand[:]
There’s (this )[a] feeling in my hand
(It is a blade )sinking deeper in my skin(?)[.]
Did I rip(,) with my right hand?
(And )watch th(is)[e] seeping wound expand
And close my eyes and let the scissors do the talking?

My eyes( are)[,] open and I think,
Now that (you've made me) [I] feel this way,
What else waits amidst these (so called) doings?

*This last question left me thinking, WTF? Find a better word than "doings". It ruins the poem, entirely. Not only that, but as such, it sounds like the troglodyte plea for sympathy.

I raise (the blade) [my hand] to(wards) my neck[,]
Close my eyes, in due respect
And the let the scissors finish [the] teasing(, finish) [and the] taunting.


I think too much of poetry today is consumed with suicide. After reading, I feel inclined to read something with less adolescent, self-indulgent navel-gazing like Oliver Twist. This can be better, and I look forward to future revisions.

All the best,
Brad

Awwww, brad is so sweeeet. that wasn't helpful. I should say something helpful. Let me think...AH YES! I've discovered your rhyme scheme in the first stanza! Excellent!

uh...thanks for the comments guys

as i said, it isnt one of my best

I liked it alot