Excessive Narration

I realized just a little bit a go that I use narrative in my stories/novels a LOT. Basically, at the beginning of a novel or whatever I'm writing, I start off by bluntly saying what is going on. I find it terribly fun to write because all of a sudden you're just in your characters head, and they're telling you everything, it's almost like a confession.

But, I think it will probably get old, and I'm not even sure if it really is a good idea to start off on narrative.

Here's some examples of what I mean:

Spoiler

There's something terribly wrong with dying in a hospital. It's a place of healing, supposedly... and yet, how many people die in hospitals every year? That's right. A lot. Of course, I had to die in a hospital. My life was like one of those moments where you're like: This can't get any worse... Oh yes, the dreaded phrase. But really, after awhile it became a joke more than anything.

Spoiler

I did it today. I wrote up an add for a boyfriend. See, I've never had one before~ I'm cursed, as they say. In my family, we have the whole 'sixth daughter of the sixth daughter' thing going on. I'm the sixth daughter of the sixth daughter, and, well, the curse is that said 'sixth daughter' is doomed to be an old maid. Naturally, at eighteen, I'm terrified that it's already true.

Spoiler

You know how people like to try and keep their loved ones here when they die? They have this system where you pound a cross into the place where they died. It is a memorial, supposedly. They decorate the crosses with fake flowers, cards, photographs of the deceased - sometimes they even put up little solar lights - so that they won t even be forgotten when it is dark.

My family didn't do that for me. They didn't bother trying to keep me on earth. No one can live forever. The theory that someone will always be alive if they are remembered has been misinterpreted throughout the years. The truth is; we are all going to die, the trick is to let us go. That was my families philosophy. If you love something, let it go. If it loves you... Well, you know how the saying goes.

Not all of my writing starts like these, but the vast majority does. The other thing that I seem to do is let you know in the first paragraph what the whole idea is... So I'm not sure what to say.

So where do you stand on narration? Do you think it's bad to use it too much ( I mean everything in moderation, but... )? Is it boring as hell to read?

I think I already have an idea how to write the narration in a way that's less narrate-y, but I'm still wondering.

The problem you're having is telling, not showing. Look at this to find out more about telling vs. showing. Luckily for you, it's easy to fix. All you have to do is work on it while you're writing. I did the same thing, a few years ago! I trained myself to show through description and dialogue.

I disagree with Spark that the core issue is showing, not telling. You do have some of that (telling us that the family didn't try to keep her there instead of showing us they left no mark to remember her), but it's not the main thing in here. For me the issue is more that nothing is happening.

You're spending a very long time in the character's head, and not having them actually do anything. You're going off on philosophical musings that don't progress the story and simply revel in the character's witty observations (which really aren't all that witty).

Take the opening of my writing:

Spoiler

I wondered if this is how souls felt, waiting for judgment after death.
Only, instead of Fate deciding, the results hinged on what I’d find out tonight, and my parents.
I’d already called for my two primary training partners to accompany me tonight. After months of evaluating every eligible man in the family, I had potentially found one who was clear. I’d have rejected every single one of them had it meant I could avoid a husband. However, that would have resulted in my parents choosing a husband for me, and I liked to have some semblance of choice over who I’d spend the rest of my life with.
I adjusted my leather vest and bicep guards, making sure they didn’t leave too much of my undershirt exposed. Over that went a dark red shirt cut exactly like guards for my family, and on top of everything went my scaled bracers, in metal this time.

It's a similar tone to yours, but the narrator is acting. Things are happening.

Narration where you're in your character's head have their places, but you can't really dive into it head first and stay there for pages. Keep it minimum, because narrators being purely philosophical for long periods of time is boring.

Have characters do things and remember they can't have a witty monologue for everything, and you'll be much better.

My prescription is this: if it's a sleepy beginning, start out with scene rather than contemplation.

It's not 'excessive narration' that's the key issue here; prose is, basically, a mesh-up of scene and narrative--and I say this in the most generalised sense ever. Your character /will/ narrate the story, so the concept that narration is excessive doesn't agree with me.

I'm going to agree with what Rosey said here, that things really need to happen. I'm going to add to this, though, by saying that narration and scene are both important; you need to set a balance between them so things don't get overly monotonous. Switch from thought to 'this is what's happening right now', then 'here's what I think about it.'

I'm going to pick at your third en-spoilered piece for a bit. I think you could have really cut to scene there, showing us the memorial instead of going on a tangent about what it is and what yo think about it. It's not a solid situation to us, rather, it's an imagining. and unless you've established a solid point for your readers to grip onto, they will not be interested in said imagining. Thoughts make more sense when you know the character better, and I personally believe that a situation and setting is what you need to ground that beginning.

Eh, I'm kind of drunk on lack of sleep here, so excuse me if none of that made sense. XD

Hi, there!

I don't really see an issue with it. Everyone has a different style of writing and starting out their stories. With starting it that way, if you have it go on for much longer than you did in your examples or begin to ramble, you might lose people. But if after those examples something really interesting happens, perhaps some kind of action, then I don't think there's anything wrong with it and you won't lose your readers. However, when you say that you may have come up with a way of making it less narration-y, I would be really curious what that is to compare. So, I think it's fine starting out that way as long as you keep them short. No longer than your examples, which I thought were fine. I've read your piece from the first example and I really quite enjoyed it.

I am a huge fan of character development so the idea of getting right into the characters head and finding out the way they see things and their voice is appealing to me.

Also, if you're afraid of losing people with those narrations, you could start out with an action to get their attention then jump into the narrative. For instance, assuming the last example was a ghost story, you could start it out with something like "I stand over my grave, mourning my own death as I watch my family drive away in our minivan, one seat left unfilled." Just to give a bit of a visual and a bit of action before jumping into their head.

Also, what you said that sometimes you put everything up front then you don't know what to write later... I don't see anything wrong with putting info up front if it's necessary for the story, but if it's so much that you don't know what to do later, try shortening it or cutting it all together. Does everything need to be upfront? How would it affect the story if you did cut the first paragraph? How would the story start and how would you be able to change the story, allowing you to know what to do later, if you did?

Just something to think about. I hope this helped!

-Lefty

Thank you everyone for the help!

I liked your beginnings, actually. It showed some feistiness. I would probably continue reading it if it were a book.

The trick is, you need to have a direction to lead that feistiness toward. An action if you will. And, as you continue your story, you need to continue your narration too, which can sometimes be a bother. But personal narration is fun to write and fun to read. If that's what you like to write, go for it.

Thanks as well, Snoink! I do find it fun to write, but I can see it becoming boring after awhile... and I can see where I can certainly improve, at the least.