Torn Miracle (reposted)

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Gender Male
Points 6517
Reviews 798
Sweet sisters’ mine,
here now forever more.
after a lifetime of separation—
of ignorant incompletion—
I am fulfilled.

Heart, is alternately light and heavy.
I am torn—
twixt two families,
one to whom my life is owed;
the other to whom a life is due.

Mother’s unshakeable will
grips me tightly.
Unwilling to let go;
unready to forgive for
past transgressions.

Father’s pleading gaze—
how to forgive a lifetime of neglect?—
His begging of forgiveness
tears through me.

Born of two mistakes: a correction.
Sweet god forbear,
my heart is heavy.

************sister's response**********

Some people in life,
appear to have it all,
the smiles, the laughter, their life is such a ball,
others, like you, their life starts with pain,
so much to cry for, their tears fall like rain,
Sorry for the way it happened,
and sorry we weren't there,
it was the way Allah wanted
and it seems so unfair,
but through that "depression",
A MIRACLE was born, that miracle is you
and I know you feel torn,
You are perfect, my baby brother,
you are strong and clever and you DO have a father,
sisters, brothers we are all here for you,
we will be there for you and we will see you through
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Points 1068
Reviews 164
Nice. The Capital MIRACLE was...odd.

I kinda thought rain in here was a little 'cheesy'.

others, like you, their life starts with pain,
so much to cry for, their tears fall like rain,

Thats about it, I liked the end of the first stanza, and the theme of the poems. So good work Jiggity.




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Gender Female
Points 1144
Reviews 381
I second MH on the "rain" thing, but really, this was quite good. I prefer the brother's part for some reason I couldn't even quite explain; it just feels more genuine and original.

Sweet sisters' mine

- Doublecheck the punctuation/pluralization on 'sisters'' - it doesn't look quite right.

Heart, is alternately light and heavy

- I don't think you need the comma. It flows perfectly well without it.

On the whole - bravo, Jiggity!
Bitter Charlie :: Shady Grove, CA :: FreeRice (162,000/1,000,000)



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— Nelson Mandela