The Look of Tomorrow

I DONT KNOW WHAT CATEGORY THIS IS IN BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT:

The Look of Tomorrow
Part One- The First Day with HIM
By: Astrid

It's a beautiful Monday morning at St. Magick Academy of Witchcraft, in Washington, U.S. of A. Kids are preparing for their first class of the new class year, after a wonderful month off to play around on school grounds and visit folks. Storm and her best friends, Sunny and Falcon were all heading to Herbal Craft 201. They were said to have a new teacher named Mr. Shadow. Sunny was determined to make this new teacher the best teacher in all of S.M.A. That's how Sunny worked and opperated. She wanted everyone to get along. She was the most popular girl in school, because everyone knew her. That was the complete opposite for Falcon, everyone hated him because he was a Black Child (He had black magic in his family and he loved black himself). Storm was a ghost, someone everyone knew, just didn't talk to. Sunny's real name was Tiffany, but all the teachers said that she could light up a room, hinceforth, Sunny. Falcon's real name was Matt, but his eyes looked like falcon eyes. Storm's real name was Storm, end of story.
As they reached the room, Sunny pasted by all the other students to be first to greet this new teacher. Falcon tried everything to be last and Storm stuck with him. So Bury couldn't pick on him. Bury was your regular everyday bully, big, bald, and stupid.
"So, this new teacher, is he gonna be here all year?"
"That's what Professor Wilkinson said. Why?"
"I don't know; it's awesome and all, but..."
"Falcon, you worry too much, just relax, it's gonna be fine."
As they walked to the door, a straight, ivory face was there to greet them. "Names."
"Oh. yes, i'm Storm and this is Falcon, you'll have him as Matthew Kinney."
"Ah! there you two are, back far right. Class Remain Quiet!"
Sunny was freaking at her new projects behavior. Falcon led Storm down the isle of students and desks to their own. Bury, of course,had something ot say to light up the moment.
"Ahhh, look, it's geek girl and black boy." Of course, everyone laughed like the mindless zombies they were. Falcon was ready to throw a fire ball at Bury like he had done earlier that year, Bury still had the scar, guess he didn't know when to quit.
" BURY! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASSROOM! REPORT TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER?"
Bury was bright red, but replied in a cool tone," yeah, yeah, we understand eachother." As he strutted out of the room, Mr. Shadow looked at Storm and Falcon and asked mentally," Was that right?" Storm smiled and nodded back in reassurance. Sunny noticed, and asked," Soooo, how are we going to get to know eachother?"
[pre][/pre]

This seems good. You need to space out your paragraphs a bit more and they don't interlink with each other very well either, I kept losing track at certain points. You have far too much info in the first paragraph, although it might be needed to make sense of the rest of the story try to spread it out into different paragraphs so the reader doesn't have to take in too much info at once- remember you are writing for the reader.

You need to sort out your tenses, you strat in the present then move into the past as the story progresses. You also write the first paragraph as if from the point of view of one of the characters, I don't know f this was intentional so I pointed it out any way.

'They were said to have a new teacher'

- this line needs work, the term 'They were said' doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the line.

'That's how Sunny worked and opperated'

- You don't need to put 'worked' and 'operated' as they effectivly mean the same thing, you only need one of them.

'Falcon's real name was Matt, but his eyes looked like falcon eyes.'

- This line is fine but in my opinion if you rework this line it will be better.

'Storm stuck with him. So Bury couldn't pick on him.'

- I'm pretty sure there isn't meant to be a full stop between these two sentences. It needs a comma.

The speech is fine but you don't show who is speaking which is confusing.

'Sunny was freaking at her new projects behavior.'

This line doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph and I had to read it twice to make sense of it.

I don't understand when you say Falcon wanted to throw a Fire Ball at Bury but he had already done so that year and Bury had a scar - I thought it was the first day back?

'Each other' is two words by the way, I noticed that once or twice at the end you put them as one word.

Don't you think the teacher came down a bit hard on Bury, it was only the first thing he did wrong, why don't you add in the fact that the teacher had been watching Bury bullying some other students before the lesson or something.

I think all this needs is checking and a few thing reworking and it will be a really good start to your story, I'm looking forward to reading more.