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Guest · 2006-03-20T19:14:22Z

I had nothing much to do in my free period at school today, so I started writing this, just to see where it goes. I just wrote the opening for now. There is a feild overlooking the ocean where I live. It is a green feild, flat and flawless, endless miles of perfectly green grass, a home to countless wild flowers of colourful perfection, and the foot prints of wild things where they wander. In the winter, this feild is covered by a sheet of silver snow, so deep you would fall to your knees in any attempt to cross it. In april this feild is a small sliver of browns and purples, newly born blades of grass and flowers from the graves of their predeasesors. This feild, so flawless, sloaps down a steep ravine into the agile, angry, flowing waters of the pacific ocean. If you dare follow that ravine, you would get swollowed into the ocean within a matter of moments. Often, if you stand on the edge of the feild, far enough away but close enough for veiwing, you can seeing the rocks tumbling from their hangings, like a black rain. Even in the winter, the rocks keep tumbling.

Jerikas

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Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:35 pm

Jerikas says... · Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:35 pm

This has really good imagery but there are loads of spelling mistakes, the most obvious being 'feild' which should be 'field'.

Check for spelling mistakes before you post!

Other than that I like it, again your imagery is good and I would like to see if you can continue this because I don't see how it could be continued myself..

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

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Rei

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Mon Mar 20, 2006 8:28 pm

Rei says... · Mon Mar 20, 2006 8:28 pm

Definitely has protential. However, I think it would be better to switch to past-tense.

Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

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Surround yourself with people who are serious about being writers, and who will tell you, ‘Hey—you can do better than this.’ Who will be critical of your work, but also supportive. And who will not be competitive in a negative way.
— Isabel Quintero

Random Opening...

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