Self-Purchased Roses

Cheers to all those girls alone on Valentine’s Day
The wine sloshes within
Crystal-clear glasses –
The final electric ray of light
Stabbing through the red prism design
The chocolates scattered –
Half-bitten, half-eaten
A half-fulfilled smile grins on them
Knowing all too well that they’d trade the taste
For a goodnight’s kiss

God knows you’re beautiful
But God can’t save you tonight
And the lack of gentlemen in
Your hometown
Dwindles the days to a weary end
Where tears find shelter
Only when the last dream has failed
Only when we realize the stars we wish on
Have long faded with the dawn

So cheers to those women who remember
That Saint Valentine was a martyr
And there are those to be mourned for
tonight

Cheers to all those girls alone on Valentine’s Day
The wine sloshes within
Crystal-clear glasses –

If I were you, I'd change "within" to "in". "Within" sounds so...cliche. I dont know why. It just does.

The final electric ray of light
Stabbing through the red prism design
The chocolates scattered –

Same with "design". No offense, but I find both of those words...lack originality. They arent up to the calibre of the rest of the poem. That being said, I dont know what else would fit either.

Half-bitten, half-eaten
A half-fulfilled smile grins on them
Knowing all too well that they’d trade the taste
For a goodnight’s kiss

I like the "half-fulfilled smile" concept. But "grins on them"? Eh? Maybe I'm being obtuse, but it seems like a weird thing to say. Last line of this stanza is brilliant.

God knows you’re beautiful
But God can’t save you tonight
And the lack of gentlemen in
Your hometown
Dwindles the days to a weary end
Where tears find shelter
Only when the last dream has failed
Only when we realize the stars we wish on
Have long faded with the dawn

Well. I kind of liked this stanza and I kind of didnt. I dont know why. It just...and then....Ooh. It's irritating. I think it was the third & fourth lines; they just seem...wrong. I like the last three lines though. The ones in between are....unusual. I cant make up my mind about them.

So cheers to those women who remember
That Saint Valentine was a martyr
And there are those to be mourned for
tonight

:lots_hearts: :hearts_eyes: :thumb: LOVE the ending. Seriously. Beauitufl, poignant, subtle, direct...(I know, contradiction, but...) Loved it. It absolutely makes the poem IMHO.

Overall, good, but could use a bit of work. Only dont change that last stanza. Not. One. Thing. [possessive] Hehe.

Awesome poem. I can relate, definitely. The ending was awesome, I must agree there with bubblewrapped. I like these lines because they are soooo true:

"And the lack of gentlemen in
Your hometown"

Ugh... there are NO decent guys in my town. Bleh. Good job.

Overall, I thought this was very good. I liked your newfound twist on the whole idea, and I found this a great read as well. Here is just one thing I saw that you might want to look at.

"A half-fulfilled smile grins on them"
This line just makes no sense to me. I don't know if there's some kind of message in here that I'm missing, but I am stuck.

I loved the ending as well, talk about ending with a last message to think about!

Overall, great job, I loved the topic fix. This is an alternative to the "Oh I love you, never leave me, hold me tight, baby" kind of poetry you see to often. Creative, and nicely done.

xanthan gum wrote:Knowing all too well that they’d trade the taste
For a goodnight’s kiss

How true. I love this poem. Especially the ending.