This is something I had to write for English. What we had to do is write an alternate ending to The Outcasts of Poker Flats. Could you guys please please critque it. I have not written a story in a while and I really need help with the grammer.
“Hello,” Piney paused, “I’m hungry how ‘bout you?” Piney waited for an answer. “You aren’t!” Piney was flabbergasted, “You must be nuts! My stomach is eating itself right now!”
“Who are you talking to?” questioned Tom Simson.
“Why I am talking to Mother Shipton.” Tom gave her that you are crazy look and started slowly step away from her. “What can’t you see her?” Piney questioned Tom with a perplexed look on her face.
“Piney, Mother Shipton just died!” screamed Tom. Piney quickly looked over to where Mother Shipton had been lying. She then slowly walked over to Mother Shipton’s cold, lifeless body. Piney stared at Mother Shipton’s chest to make sure it was true. When she saw it was true she began to cry, but it was so cold out that her tears froze.
The Duchess walked over but struggled because of the wind that would have carried her away had she had an umbrella and the snow that was knee deep. The Duchess hugged Piney and slowly stroked here cheek. “Here, here it will be alright,” The Duchess, said while she cried herself. The group decided to honor her memory by having a little memorial service.
“What’s that sound? Does anyone else hear it,” asked Piney.
“I hear it to,” yelled Tom Simson and John Oakhurst in synchronization. “It sounds like a mule,” said John Oakhurst. That is when two mules ran past followed by the man they least expected to see.
“Gosh darnit! Them stupid animals!” yelled Uncle Billy. Fortunately, for Uncle Billy Tom Simson grabbed the mule’s rains. While that was going on John Oakhurst slowly moved his hand towards his gun and was ready to use it just in case Uncle Billy panicked.
“Where have you been? The whole reason were all up here is you! You stole our mules!” screamed John Oakhurst while he was shaking his gun in Uncle Billy’s face.
“Well uh uh,” Uncle Billy stuttered, “The mules came undone from the tree that they were tied to and I went after them.” He said so sure of himself.
“I don’t believe you!” screamed John, “Once a thief, always a thief.” John saw Uncle Billy reaching for his gun, but John already had his gun out. He quickly aimed and shot Uncle Billy right square in the chest. Uncle Billy feel into the beautiful, pure white snowdrift that became stained with the blood of one of the outcasts. “I am sorry Uncle Billy, but you deserved it. You stole our mules and left all of us to die on this godforsaken mountain,” John thought to himself. “Well y’all it looks like our luck is beginning to change,” he said to the group. The snow began to let up so now instead of it being a white out, the snow flakes slowly danced as they feel from the clouds. The Duchess and Piney Woods mounted the mules and John Oakhurst and Tom Simson walked along the sides of the mules. As they slowly descended the Mountain, the snow was getting lighter and lighter.
They finally reached the edge of Poker Flats. “Well I hope I see you again Piney and Tom. You know you really make a cute couple. Good luck. I can’t go any farther,” The Duchess said as she kissed Piney on the check and gave Tom a hug.
“Why can’t you go any farther?” questioned Piney with a perplexed look on her face.
“Well we were up on the mountain, because we had been kicked out of Poker Flats. And they said that if we came back they would kill us,” explained The Duchess.
“I think you should go anyway. Can’t they see the icicles on your dress?” encouraged Piney. The Duchess and John Oakhurst decided that they would try to go back into town. They explained to the Sheriff about what happened up on top of the mountain. The Sheriff decided that he would let them back into town. He told John Oakhurst that he missed him because there was not any other good poker players.
“Duchess, I really missed you,” the Sheriff said while he wrapped his arm around hers while they slowly walked off towards the inn.
