Right now I am collaborating on a novel with a Christian user (and a good friend). I won't name him but either he or I may have mentioned it so you might know who he is. I want to make this clear: I think he is awesome. He is one of my favourite people including some of my real life friends and I am not criticising him in any way.
I was on his FB page and noticed that he had 'liked' a lot of Conservative pages. Now, in my country, the Conservatives are just a load of annoying greedy politicians who want second homes while they take away second bedrooms from working class families.
But these pages were full of views I've grown to despise, such as the 'pro-life' anti-abortionists. I can understand this point of view and I certainly don't care that the user believes in this.
It just terrified me because I began to wonder what other views he might have.
What if he tries to convert me?
What if he's opposed to gay rights?
What if he believes in the phrase 'living in sin'?
I am not saying that he has ever even hinted towards any of these issues and to be honest it is probably ignorant of me to assume that he has them. I am just terrified that he does believe in this stuff because I don't know if I can be friends with someone so old-fashioned.
Disagreement between friends
5 posts in this topic.
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The fear you have--that the person you know at the moment may have these additional layers--is the same brand of closed-mindedness that you fear may come from your friend.
If he believes those things, then he believes them. They are his beliefs and--make note of this--not yours. No two individuals have perfectly-matched beliefs (on a non-dichotomous spectrum), and as such we have to learn to accept the people with whom we surround ourselves for who they are and what they believe.
It makes life interesting. Just remember that, as you hope he doesn't try to convert you, you should not try to convert him.
I hope that makes sense. -
It's strange, we've actually had a conversation before where we promised not to try to change each other, which itself had nothing to do with religion. I would never try to convert him. If he did turn out to for example, be a homophobe, I would be more likely to just run away, which would be rather counterproductive, since we're writing a novel together.
If he does believe these things, I will do my best not to try to show him how wrong I think he is and I hope, once I reveal my views, that he does the same. I may rely on people here to help me do that, to remind me that his beliefs to not define his personality.
Thank you, I suppose. I must sound like I'm saying that everything is fixed. I'm not. I'm saying thanks for showing me (once again, because it happens a lot) that I have been ignorant.
How do you cope with conflicting views though? Do you never talk about them and just let your imagination run wild? Or do you let every conversation wind up into an argument about it? -
One of my strongest past relationships was with a Christian woman who was pro-life, anti-marriage equality, and anti-alcohol. We both knew where the other stood on the matters, and if they came up, then there'd be a discussion about the pros and cons in that particular situation. The issue I think most people run headlong into is that they take the circumstantial incident and try to apply its outcome to all of their personal history.
What I mean is that one instance of _________ being a sound judgment does not mean that all __________ judgments are made soundly. Each instance made in the context of touchy subjects affects both sides of the fence. When a young woman is saved because of an abortion, those around her who are pro-life may grieve extensively for the loss of what they see as a human being who could have been an amazing person and done amazing things. It's all about angle of vision and the context of not just your own eyes, but the eyes of all involved.
Even though the general atheistic agreements (i.e. pro-choice, pro-marriage equality, etc.) are sound and founded on rationality, those who disagree have very real emotions that need to be acknowledged in a real way. And I think often we don't keep that in mind because of our worship of logic and reason.
Basically, to answer your question, I cope with conflicting views by analyzing the situation from the other person's perspective. And it doesn't stop there. Both parties need to look at the incident from perspectives outside their own, and outside that of the other party. It's about acknowledging logic, reason, and emotions at once. -
Wow. You know, I don't think human beings give ourselves enough credit. That we are capable of doing so many things at once - although I acknowledge it must be incredibly difficult - is actually more impressive that people tend to see because the subject at hand is taking up so much attention.
If those subjects ever come up, I promise I will do my best to wrap my head around as many perspectives as I can. All I have left to do - besides actually trying to get into the mind of another human being - is hope he does the same.
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