...what it's like to be on the other end of things? Like how your friends and family feel about the problem you face/faced?
I know my Mom feels bad for me and she understands and I know my Dad still feels like I can get over it by myself, which I can't. My friends tend to write off the times I freak out. I'll panic when I go up the stairs in the morning or when I'm just sitting down and feeling like everyone's staring at me and they either don't say anything or they tell me to just breathe. I've had a few yell at me and another one with the same mindset as my Dad. I know they think I want pitty when all I really just want is to be able to rant and have someone understand what I'm going through.
I wonder how they really feel about all of this, though. I think I hide it well enough in some cases, as I've done for years, but how does one feel after finding out that their friend who seemed perfectly normal for the most part has been dealing with anxiety issues most or all of their life?
With my Mom's PST and SA, I just sit there and listen, but I do get sick of hearing about it. I know I've yelled at her a few times and told her that she wasn't the only one dealing with issues. I know it was harsh, mean, and uncalled for and I regret it now but I apologized and she forgave me.
Does you guys ever wonder what it feels like to be on your friends/family's end of things?
Ever Wondered...
5 posts in this topic.
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All the time. My parents, for instance. My mom never wants to hear that something is wrong with her daughter, so she often tells me it's not as drastic as it sounds. For example, when I was depressed she just believed I was looking for something to be wrong with me. That angered me even more and then after she realized I had unbalanced hormone levels. She then helped me out, but she often breaks down as if she has the problem, not me.
My dad is my favorite person to go to because when he hears I have a problem, he doesn't just comfort me but he gives me the reality of the basis and I think that on his end he feels that he just needs to get me through this. For my eating disorder, he talked to me for like an hour about how he used to and what not. I asked him not to tell Mom, but of course he did and she came to me crying asking what she did wrong. I just feel that maybe my Mom hurts too much when I go to her for things like depression and food disorders.
My friends? Well, I'm not a very open person but when I do, I tend to tell just about... four people. Which are my best friends and usually they've gone through it. Most of the time I feel that they don't understand or that they don't want to worry about me mainly because I don't like people worrying about me so that idea just makes me shut up at least. I can't really decide what they must feel but I just try to keep to myself. -
My entire world probably gets sick of me at times. well, I'd imagine so. I seem angry to them, short tempered and stony. I have Asperger's, so my social inclination is not so pronounced-I don't say anything until I'm about to explode, and then it comes out very abruptly, all ecstatic or extremely POd. Having sensory issues, I am constantly subjected to 'normal' noises, like sniffs, snorts, yawns, somebody shaking a drink with ice in it--all of which are painful to me. My brain is hardwired strangely, and for some reason, these noises trigger instant rage/stress reactions in me. I literally cannot stand them. So sometimes I just snap and yell at somebody. I know my parents have to put up with a lot from me. As for my friends, well, I have a few strong, loyal as all get out ones, then some who sort of drift around, then I have enemies. The two or three people other than family that truly understand me, well, I owe a lot to them. They've stood by me through thick and thin. Then I have some people who are nice to talk to about certain things but not the true-blue type. They tend to zone out and freak when I have 'episodes', and some of them have played double agent when it comes to my enemies. The people I call enemies are those who don't understand my conditions. Those who find it funny to publicly humiliate me about my tics, those who smirk at each other as they snort and sniff giggling as my tics become worse and worse. That is the sort of thing that makes me want to hurt somebody.
My best friends have actually stood up for me in some circumstances where the enemies wanted to get another laugh. Those friends--it makes me feel incredible to know that they care about me so much that, in one instance, one friend of mine has gotten in trouble doing that for me. I don't know how to thank her for that. I have a lot of trouble socially--stuff like sarcasm, jokes, even the relevance of basic social circumstances, like going out with a guy...don't make sense to me. It's my asperger's side that is responsible for my absolutely literal view of the world. And I tend to think people don't like me because of how quiet I am. Nobody talks to me, and I sit in my desk during talk times, writing fervently, not wanting to say something for fear that it will come out wrong or at the wrong time. Neurotypicals, or people who don't have these sorts of problems, just seem to be natural masters at chit-chat. As for me, I'd sooner discuss nuclear reactions than talk about somebody's boyfriend. So everybody I run into puts up with a very unusual fourteen year old girl.
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I think it's the same with a lot of us. Our parents just don't want the problem to exist. Mine just ignore it and my mom even calls my medication (which I've stopped taking), my "vitamins".
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My mother completely ignores my gender issues. Completely. It's just not something she can accept/empathise/sympathise with at all. My friends say they're okay with it, but it's hard for them to get used to new pronouns. They've been fantastic good sports though! Even going so far as to try and 'name' me. xD
With my depression, my mother ignores that too. I told her I was depressed when my problems first started and she just told me to stop being so stupid. She loves me, I know she does. I don't think she said it to be cruel. I don't think she ignores it to be cruel. However, she has sever bipolar disorder and have terrible bouts of depression and I think she just doesn't want to think of me going through a similar thing. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe she doesn't care. *shrugs* My friends don't quite know how to deal with it, so I've stopped telling them about it and for the most part I'm fairly good at hiding it.
Only one person knows about my self-harm and that's my ex girlfriend. I'm sure she would have empathised, because she was a self-harmer and had borderline personality disorder but by the time she found out she'd already betrayed me too much for us to be friends in any respect.
My mother ignores my anxiety as well, saying that I'm being ridiculous and I should just deal with it. Rich coming from a bipolar kleptomaniac who thinks heroin is a valid coping method. Gotta' love her though. My friends just see it as one of my many 'quirks'.
Roll all that together and well, I must seem very odd to the world. o.O
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