Kartiel's Curse

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1. 
   

   Mageheart Creator
   Mageheart · Jan 25, 2019

   This more for me than anyone else, but I thought you'd like to see what I'm thinking of changing in case it's something you've frequently pointed out in your reviews.
2. 
   

   Mageheart Creator
   Mageheart · Jan 25, 2019

   Chapters 1-14

   
   

   • Let Cass directly interact with the dreams/memories. She wouldn't be able to control what happens, but she will be able to process what she's experiencing through the lens of Kartiel's experiences.
   • Explain early on that it's Cass experiencing the memories, and not solely through Kartiel's eyes. This can be done by using her name, or having something that only Cass would think be present in the initial paragraphs of the first dream. Different formatting for the first sentence or paragraph might also be a good way to draw attention
   • Explain early on why Kartiel and Orpheus are considered so evil. This will make the reader more wary of them, and have Cass's initial fear seem more justified.
   • Have the reasoning be related to religion and what previous kings have done. This will prevent Kart's and Orphy's morals from being questioned later on, especially if it relies more heavily on religion and what other fallen worshipers have done in the past.
   • Spend less time in Rey. The bulk of the novel is supposed to take place in Telorum, and Cass needs to get there sooner. This can be done by focusing on the first day in Rey, having the scene with Aldonius happen slightly later on (possibly that night), and using the timeskip.
   • Introduce more elements of Cass's life. She has angst and I need to use.
   • Make Aspen come off as more complex by doing the last one a bit better. She also has angst, which would solve most of her one-dimensional personality issues if I just remembered to reference it.
   • Give Lira a more distinct personality. She's important and I need to show it.
   • More worldbuilding. I've already touched on this a little, but I really need to do a better job of describing the logistics of the world the novel is set in. I don't even have a name I can remember for the kingdom Rey is the capital of, Partex and the Rexun Alliance are barely mentioned, and I don't even think the name of the world has come up.
   • Describe more of Seraphinity. Seraphinity and its regions are incredibly beautiful, but I haven't described enough of it to accurately get that point across.
   • Focus less on Cass's thoughts. If I do better at all of the above, the reader should be able to guess what she's thinking. It might also help to read novels with similar story lines (i.e. isekai-esque ones) and figure out how their protagonists process new information throughout the novel.

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