Young Writers Society

Hey!

So first thing first, one is the number, on is the preposition like put the cup on the table. Death brings on a lot of change is probably what you were going for, not one. You have this typo twice. "Thoughts of the past provoke you at the turn of every corner, and so you decide that isn't home anymore and move one." and "Death brings one a lot of change"

Next thing next, I don't really think I like that it's centered, but because it's paragraph stanzas rather than lines, I think it's alright for this poem. I wouldn't suggest doing it for all poems though.

Onto the review. I really like how you go through this as a narrative that develops and grows through time and the idea of what death means changes as the family mourns and grows back towards something that might be whole again. I think you did a really good job with that and the refrains that you decided to use.

I think, for the most part, you don't have much poetic language in here, but a lot of it sounds more like an essay than a poem. This could be a problem if you were really going for a poetic language, instead of something that's very, external. I feel like there could be a lot of other layers to this poem for you to explore later as you develop more of a body of work. For that reason, I think my biggest suggestion is to write it again, and again, and again, and work on what you really want to say with the poem, narrow it down and try to really embed feeling into the poem through how you use your language and what words you choose to use.

As it stands, I like this poem and I think it doesn't need much editing aside from the misspelled words mentioned earlier.

Good Job!

very thought provoking. I really like your themes and your diction. You chose some very interesting words and phrace set up.

That being said I am nt sure but the first few lines are laking flow or distracting. I am not sure what it is. I love the imadrey you use. When you mention that family of four becoming a family of three. The daughters imagaining what life could have been its all very darkly poetic.

Over all great job keep up the great work!!!

FancyDragon

Wow. This is a masterpiece!

I loved this. It was sad at first, but it had a beautiful ending. It's interesting to read this because there's always that cliche about step parents being a terrible addition to a family etc. So I found this very refreshing, unique, and thoughtful.