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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Unfortunately, the orphans rot

by vampricone6783


*This story is underneath my folder “Snitches get stitches!” My character designs are underneath my forum “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*



Introduction

Jacqueline wished that she didn’t survive the fire. That she died along with her parents. Then, at least she would be happy.

But away she went to an orphanage, where a young boy named Carlson lingered.

Where a fate worse than the fire awaited her.

Chapter One

AT THE ORPHANAGE

Jacqueline walked down the worn-down halls of the orphanage, ignoring the laughter of the children. Everyone around her was a small child, and she was sixteen.

Who would take her? Was she destined to spend her entire life in the orphanage? In a prison-like place forever?

“Young lady!” A voice called out.

Chapter Two

Jacqueline turned around. She heard a boy calling her out, but that couldn’t be possible. Only adults ever called her a “young lady”.

But it was. Standing right behind was a boy with curly black hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in white, who looked to be about the same age as her.

“Are you new here?” The boy asked.

Jacqueline nodded slowly. Why was he talking to her? Was he even real? Was her mind all gone?

“Oh! I’ve been here for a while. It’s nice to have someone close to my age, you know.”

Jacqueline nodded again. He seemed sweet so far.

“I’m Carlson. What’s your name?” He asked.

“Jacqueline.” She said. She hadn’t spoken since she left the train to get to the orphanage, so she was surprised with how soft her voice sounded.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jacqueline. Care for a tour?” Carlson asked.

Jacqueline nodded joyfully. For the first time, someone who wasn’t her parent was being kind to her!

Oh please, let the kindness last. Jacqueline thought as she followed Carlson around the orphanage.

Chapter Three

“Most of these rooms are the same, as you can see.” Carlson said as they walked down the halls.

It was true. The kitchen was the only thing that was different and even that was drab. All of the rooms were raggedy and white, dried paint on old wood.

“But I thought that you should look anyway, just to get an idea.” Carlson said.

Jacqueline nodded. At least someone cared.

Chapter Four

FLASHBACK

The fire was enveloping the entire house. Jacqueline crawled on the ground, just as she was supposed to do.

She didn’t even stop for her screaming parents. They were screaming, but they were getting out. They had to get out. Jacqueline couldn’t be the only one.

They all had to get out.

Chapter Five

“Dinner!” A voice called out.

Jacqueline opened her eyes to the noise.

Where was she? Why was she in such a drab room? Who was the voice? What-

Oh right. She was in an orphanage. She fell asleep. It was dinner.

She couldn’t leave.

Chapter Six

Mr. Vash, the head of the orphanage, sat in the largest chair at the table. All the kids sat in chairs, eating soggy bowls of brown, tasteless broth.

Except for Jacqueline. She was just staring at the broth in disgust.

“Do you have anything else?” Jacqueline asked.

“No. That’s all we have. Eat it.” Mr. Vash said with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

She had a feeling that his words weren’t true, but she didn’t say anything else on the matter.

She’d rather go to bed hungry.

Chapter Seven

FLASHBACK

Carlson held the hands of his parents as they walked down the streets, the smell of candy wafting from the open windows of the bakeries. It was a bright, beautiful day. The biggest building in the town of Morrigansville was going to be finished that day.

There was also the lollipop clown giving out free lollipops on his unicycle.

Carlson just HAD to get those sweet, saccharine treats. He HAD to!

“Wait! I want one! Give it to ME!” Carlson yelled, letting go of his hands and running towards the clown.

“Carlson, wait!” Dad called out.

He left his parents behind, where the building was still being made…

Chapter Eight

Carlson woke up to the morning sun coming in through worn-down brown cotton curtains. Sweat beaded down his forehead from the nightmare, but then he remembered that Jacqueline was in the bed next to him.

“Jacqueline? Jacqueline, are you awake?” Carlson asked, sitting himself up.

Jacqueline was soundly asleep, dark, velvet brown hair splayed across her face. She may have been dreaming peacefully, but Carlson knew that nightmares came in many forms.

Chapter Nine

“Carlson? Was that you?” Jacqueline asked in a hushed voice. Her eyes had fluttered halfway open, she was partially awake.

But still, she was awake.

“Yes. I had a nightmare about my parents. I want to talk to you about it, but I’m not sure that you’ll listen. Do you have nightmares about your parents?” Carlson asked.

His question may have been too “upfront”, but it would be nice to know that he wasn’t the only one with nightmares of the past.

“Yes, I do.” Jacqueline replied.

She reached out to hold Carlson’s hand, a soft, kind touch.

Chapter Ten

After a breakfast of burnt potatoes and soggy eggs, Jacqueline and Carlson took a walk in the woods behind the orphanage, where the trees twisted and there were no younger children around.

“If I may ask, what was life like before the orphanage? Before coming to this place?” Jacqueline asked. She found a friend in Carlson, but it would be nice to know more about him, so that they could feel closer.

Carlson sighed, as if remembering a better time, but then he began.

Chapter Eleven

“It was simple, but wonderful. Just me and my parents, living our lives, existing peacefully.” Carlson said.

Jacqueline smiled sympathetically. She still dreamed of the night it all changed, the night…

No. She couldn’t think about it. Not then, not ever.

“Until it happened.” Carlson said, his eyes going foggy with sorrow and regret.

Chapter Twelve

“When me and my parents were taking a walk, there was this clown on a unicycle who was giving out candy and I ran right to him. I left my parents all alone, while they were still building this building in our neighborhood…” Carlson trailed off, choking back tears.

“You don’t have to continue if it bothers you.” Jacqueline said. She herself didn’t want to talk about the past, so Carlson didn’t have to.

“No. I want to. It has to get out, or it will haunt me forever.” Carlson said. He seemed to be dusting off the past.

Oh, how she wished that she could do the same.

Chapter Thirteen

“A piece of the building fell and crushed them. They were flattened like pancakes, as if they meant nothing at all. My own parents, gone in the blink of an eye all because I wanted some candy…”

Carlson didn’t finish his sentence. Tears stuck in the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t sob.

“It’s not your fault, okay? You had no way of knowing what would happen next. Don’t blame yourself.” Jacqueline said.

He smiled half-heartedly, as though he still carried sorrows with him.

Jacqueline, with her own demons trailing behind her, didn’t say any more. Sometimes, solemn silence was better than all of the “comforting” words combined.

Chapter Fourteen

Lunch with Mr. Vash and all of the other orphans was yet another soggy, tasteless soup.

Does Mr. Vash even like us? Jacqueline thought as she scooped up her lunch with a crooked spoon.

Maybe he did, somewhere in his heart…

Chapter Fifteen

Jacqueline watched as Mom heated up the gas stove, a bowl of pasta on the heater.

“It’s not going to burn us, right?” Jacqueline asked worriedly. The fire underneath looked like it might engulf everyone in flames in just mere seconds.

“Of course not! I’m just cooking.” Mom laughed.

Jacqueline nodded, trying her best to believe Mom’s words.

Chapter Sixteen

“Jack! Jack, wake up!” Carlson said, nudging Jacqueline gently on her bed.

Jacqueline wearily opened her eyes that were circled by dark blotches. Ah, so she dreamed about Mom heating up the stove. Not even one moment of peace she could obtain. Sometimes, she felt like the dreams were real, that her skin was still burning.

But that was behind her. She shouldn’t be thinking about it so much.

“What did you just call me?” She asked, her voice slightly haggard from deep sleep.

“Jack. I called you Jack. I just want to give you a nickname, that’s all.” Carlson said. Perhaps nicknames would make them feel more like real people.

“Don’t ever call me that again. Now, what is it?” Jacqueline asked.

“We’re going on a field trip!” Carlson said brightly. He felt just like a carefree child again, before he had to live in the orphanage.

Chapter Seventeen

Jacqueline followed Carlson down the rickety, darkened basement stairs. Supposedly, their field trip would begin there.

But how in the world would Mr. Vash organize a field trip? If he couldn’t afford the means to support them, then why do a field trip at all?

Why was Jacqueline following Carlson in the first place? Because she felt locked to him? Because she trusted him?

Because she believed him?

Chapter Eighteen

When they made it to the basement floor, the lights all turned on.

What surrounded the children was industrial equipment upon industrial equipment, wrenches and screws, steel mallets.

Strange, peculiar things…

Chapter Nineteen

“For years, I have to had watch over all of you and for years, I got nothing!” Mr. Vash shrieked.

Jacqueline and the others turned to look at Mr. Vash, whose eyes were an unusual pale white color, tinged by a blue milkiness.

“Now, I can finally end this! It’s my time now!” Mr. Vash cackled.

The basement door closed, keeping everyone from leaving.

Just what was going on?

Chapter Twenty

Mr. Vash, in the speed of light, ran up to Jacqueline and pushed her to the ground. Jacqueline screamed, clawing at his face and kicking her legs, but it was all to no avail. Carlson and the other children tried their best to help, but Mr. Vash held tight onto Jacqueline.

“And now, to shut your complaining mouth for good…” Mr. Vash sneered, brandishing a silver needle.

Wait…a silver needle?!

Chapter Twenty-One

“Snitches get stitches, you know.” Mr. Vash said.

Before Jacqueline could ask what he meant, Mr. Vash sewed the needle through her mouth, loop through loop, the point a prick to her tender skin, binding her lips like glue.

But she had no one to talk to but Carlson…what did Mr. Vash mean?

Chapter Twenty-Two

Before Jacqueline’s very eyes, she watched as the kids before her screamed and cried, Mr. Vash chasing them at a speed she could not comprehend, stitching all of their mouths shut, uttering the same phrase he had said to her.

It was just like the fire, when her parents had screamed as though they were four again.

But why? Why was he killing them? How could he move so fast? Wasn’t Mr. Vash only human, like the rest of them?

Wasn’t he?

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jacqueline closed her eyes, letting death overcome her. The screams were starting to fade away, Carlson was waiting for her at the other side.

It would all end after she closed her eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jacqueline was in the basement, but everything was foggy, like she was looking at the world from a mirror.

Mr. Vash stood at the middle of it all, but he wasn’t himself. He was a tall, hulking shadow of a demon with pale eyes and reaching claws.

She saw red strings tie him down to the building. He was bound, he was trapped.

All too fast, Jacqueline was taken back to her body.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jacqueline opened her eyes. She was in a pile of rubble. Screaming, screeching noises surrounded her.

She stood up from the ground. Oddly metallic vehicles zoomed on a solid black path, the sun burned her bloodied skin.

“I don’t think it’s our time  anymore.” Carlson said.

Chapter Twenty-Six

“What do you mean?” Jacqueline asked. She knew what he was saying, but she didn’t want it to be true.

“I mean what we all know, Jack. We’re dead.” Carlson said.

All that time, Mr. Vash was a demon, bound to the orphanage, trapped to take care of kids, stealing away their happiness.

Jacqueline didn’t say anything to Carlson about his nickname for her. She just let it sink in.

She let it all sink in.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Where are all of the other kids? Shouldn’t they be here too?” Jacqueline asked. They were all dead, why was it just the two of them?

“I think that they might have passed on, because I saw golden lights shooting up to the sky before I died.” Carlson said.

“So it’s just us?” She asked.

“Just us.” Carlson said, nodding.

Just the two of them.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Jacqueline felt for stitches on her mouth. There was nothing. She looked at Carlson, who also had no stitches in his mouth.

They were still dead, she could feel that, but for some reason, she felt as though they were given a second chance of being with each other, of living the adolescent innocence that they deserved before they left for the other side.

That, Jacqueline could “live” with.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

In the distance was a school, a place Jacqueline and Carlson didn’t have much time for.

Perhaps, in that lifetime, they could go and live the lives that they always wanted…

Chapter Thirty

Jacqueline and Carlson walked over to the new school. They’d introduce themselves, use their ghostly magic to influence the teachers, and then they’d live as best as they could.

Nothing, not a single thing, could ever come between them. Mr. Vash was gone. There was nothing to fear.

Epilogue

Jacqueline and Carlson, sent to live a second chance.

All was right with the world, until it wasn’t. Millie and Jason came along, becoming Jacqueline’s friends and bringing chaos.

Could a happy ending ever be attained?


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Mon Jun 24, 2024 9:49 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hello and good afternoon! Ellie here to review this masterpiece! Let's get right into the review!

Jacqueline wished that she didn’t survive the fire. That she died along with her parents. Then, at least she would be happy.

But away she went to an orphanage, where a young boy named Carlson lingered.

Where a fate worse than the fire awaited her.


OOOH! What an exciting introduction! You have an incredible hook sentence here. Someone wishing they had NOT survived a fire? Well, there must be a really good reason for this. Perhaps they are facing a lot of guilt... or something deeper... Your last sentence here also caught my attention. A fate worse than the fire.. what could that possibly be? Hmm... let's keep reading. Great work here!

Jacqueline nodded joyfully. For the first time, someone who wasn’t her parent was being kind to her!

Oh please, let the kindness last. Jacqueline thought as she followed Carlson around the orphanage.


Nice work using italics here to show her internal thoughts. I am so glad she is finally having someone be kind to her, but I have a feeling that it won't last... Let's see what happens next.

What surrounded the children was industrial equipment upon industrial equipment, wrenches and screws, steel mallets.

Strange, peculiar things…


This part really jumped at me. Have I mentioned that you write incredible hook sentences? But also, you write with a lot of foreshadowing and you have really mastered this mysterious and eerie tone that you write with. The 'strange, peculiar things..." part is great at being mysterious and leaving out enough that we are excited to read more and know what happens next.

Could a happy ending ever be attained?


Amazing last sentence!! Overall, I enjoyed this, as well as I enjoyed the amount of mystery you incorporated in the tone. Great work on this! Keep on writing, as always!

Your friend,
Ellie

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Fri May 31, 2024 4:05 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite the tale here. A tough beginning for our protagonist and then a small reprieve only for of course the classic horror moment but we navigated ourselves to an oddly wholesome moment there by the end of it all.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Jacqueline wished that she didn’t survive the fire. That she died along with her parents. Then, at least she would be happy.

But away she went to an orphanage, where a young boy named Carlson lingered.

Where a fate worse than the fire awaited her.


Well that's a properly ominous start to proceedings there. Looks like things are about to go down and go down hard from the looks of things. Let's see where we're going.

Jacqueline walked down the worn-down halls of the orphanage, ignoring the laughter of the children. Everyone around her was a small child, and she was sixteen.

Who would take her? Was she destined to spend her entire life in the orphanage? In a prison-like place forever?

“Young lady!” A voice called out.


Oooh well we're off to quite a start here, someone right away calling for our protagonist, definitely makes you think that. Let's see where exactly this is going for the moment.

Jacqueline turned around. She heard a boy calling her out, but that couldn’t be possible. Only adults ever called her a “young lady”.

But it was. Standing right behind was a boy with curly black hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in white, who looked to be about the same age as her.

“Are you new here?” The boy asked.

Jacqueline nodded slowly. Why was he talking to her? Was he even real? Was her mind all gone?

“Oh! I’ve been here for a while. It’s nice to have someone close to my age, you know.”

Jacqueline nodded again. He seemed sweet so far.

“I’m Carlson. What’s your name?” He asked.


Oooh well a wee bit suspicious but it seems that up to now we're mostly working with a fairly normal conversation. Let's see how this one's going to proceed here and if those suspicions were correct.

“Jacqueline.” She said. She hadn’t spoken since she left the train to get to the orphanage, so she was surprised with how soft her voice sounded.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jacqueline. Care for a tour?” Carlson asked.

Jacqueline nodded joyfully. For the first time, someone who wasn’t her parent was being kind to her!

Oh please, let the kindness last. Jacqueline thought as she followed Carlson around the orphanage.


Well it looks like things are proceeding along quite well on that one, just getting through the whole situation of this conversation only for it to be a genuine offer to help. It look like Jacqueline definitely isn't super used to people being genuinely nice here.

“Most of these rooms are the same, as you can see.” Carlson said as they walked down the halls.

It was true. The kitchen was the only thing that was different and even that was drab. All of the rooms were raggedy and white, dried paint on old wood.

“But I thought that you should look anyway, just to get an idea.” Carlson said.

Jacqueline nodded. At least someone cared.


Well this little exchange is plodding along quite nicely here so far. Looking forward to seeing how settling in here will go with how everything just seems to be really good up to now.

The fire was enveloping the entire house. Jacqueline crawled on the ground, just as she was supposed to do.

She didn’t even stop for her screaming parents. They were screaming, but they were getting out. They had to get out. Jacqueline couldn’t be the only one.

They all had to get out.

“Dinner!” A voice called out.

Jacqueline opened her eyes to the noise.

Where was she? Why was she in such a drab room? Who was the voice? What-

Oh right. She was in an orphanage. She fell asleep. It was dinner.

She couldn’t leave.


Well that's quite the flashback there. Looks like it was a very intense fire that caused this whole situation in the first place and its seared into memory. We'll see how this dinner is going to end up affecting things.

Mr. Vash, the head of the orphanage, sat in the largest chair at the table. All the kids sat in chairs, eating soggy bowls of brown, tasteless broth.

Except for Jacqueline. She was just staring at the broth in disgust.

“Do you have anything else?” Jacqueline asked.

“No. That’s all we have. Eat it.” Mr. Vash said with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

She had a feeling that his words weren’t true, but she didn’t say anything else on the matter.

She’d rather go to bed hungry.


That most definitely isn't the most appetizing thing out there, and well it looks like poor Jacqueline is starting to maybe notice that things aren't as amazing and caring as she first saw here.

Carlson held the hands of his parents as they walked down the streets, the smell of candy wafting from the open windows of the bakeries. It was a bright, beautiful day. The biggest building in the town of Morrigansville was going to be finished that day.

There was also the lollipop clown giving out free lollipops on his unicycle.

Carlson just HAD to get those sweet, saccharine treats. He HAD to!

“Wait! I want one! Give it to ME!” Carlson yelled, letting go of his hands and running towards the clown.

“Carlson, wait!” Dad called out.

He left his parents behind, where the building was still being made…

Carlson woke up to the morning sun coming in through worn-down brown cotton curtains. Sweat beaded down his forehead from the nightmare, but then he remembered that Jacqueline was in the bed next to him.

“Jacqueline? Jacqueline, are you awake?” Carlson asked, sitting himself up.

Jacqueline was soundly asleep, dark, velvet brown hair splayed across her face. She may have been dreaming peacefully, but Carlson knew that nightmares came in many forms.


Oooh well that's quite the moment there. Seeing another point of view and someone suffering through that again and it looks like we're starting to see more of the others here and they've suffered too from the looks of it.

“Carlson? Was that you?” Jacqueline asked in a hushed voice. Her eyes had fluttered halfway open, she was partially awake.

But still, she was awake.

“Yes. I had a nightmare about my parents. I want to talk to you about it, but I’m not sure that you’ll listen. Do you have nightmares about your parents?” Carlson asked.

His question may have been too “upfront”, but it would be nice to know that he wasn’t the only one with nightmares of the past.

“Yes, I do.” Jacqueline replied.

She reached out to hold Carlson’s hand, a soft, kind touch.


Well this is a nice little moment of solidarity here. I think it creates a beautiful little moment to show them slowly bonding just a little bit there. This is coming along quite neatly here.

After a breakfast of burnt potatoes and soggy eggs, Jacqueline and Carlson took a walk in the woods behind the orphanage, where the trees twisted and there were no younger children around.

“If I may ask, what was life like before the orphanage? Before coming to this place?” Jacqueline asked. She found a friend in Carlson, but it would be nice to know more about him, so that they could feel closer.

Carlson sighed, as if remembering a better time, but then he began.

“It was simple, but wonderful. Just me and my parents, living our lives, existing peacefully.” Carlson said.

Jacqueline smiled sympathetically. She still dreamed of the night it all changed, the night…

No. She couldn’t think about it. Not then, not ever.

“Until it happened.” Carlson said, his eyes going foggy with sorrow and regret.


Well that is definitely proving to be a pretty tough story there for poor Carlson to have gone through and Jacqueline's story doesn't appear to be too much better there either.

“When me and my parents were taking a walk, there was this clown on a unicycle who was giving out candy and I ran right to him. I left my parents all alone, while they were still building this building in our neighborhood…” Carlson trailed off, choking back tears.

“You don’t have to continue if it bothers you.” Jacqueline said. She herself didn’t want to talk about the past, so Carlson didn’t have to.

“No. I want to. It has to get out, or it will haunt me forever.” Carlson said. He seemed to be dusting off the past.

Oh, how she wished that she could do the same.


Welll that does raise a few troubling thoughts for just a little bit. We'll see if that' going to end up having a larger effect here as things pan out further on the two of them opening up.

“A piece of the building fell and crushed them. They were flattened like pancakes, as if they meant nothing at all. My own parents, gone in the blink of an eye all because I wanted some candy…”

Carlson didn’t finish his sentence. Tears stuck in the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t sob.

“It’s not your fault, okay? You had no way of knowing what would happen next. Don’t blame yourself.” Jacqueline said.

He smiled half-heartedly, as though he still carried sorrows with him.

Jacqueline, with her own demons trailing behind her, didn’t say any more. Sometimes, solemn silence was better than all of the “comforting” words combined.


Well it looks like they have reached quite a middle ground for the moment here and are able to use this shared trauma that they have to bond some more here. We'll see how far this goes.

Jacqueline watched as Mom heated up the gas stove, a bowl of pasta on the heater.

“It’s not going to burn us, right?” Jacqueline asked worriedly. The fire underneath looked like it might engulf everyone in flames in just mere seconds.

“Of course not! I’m just cooking.” Mom laughed.

Jacqueline nodded, trying her best to believe Mom’s words.

“Jack! Jack, wake up!” Carlson said, nudging Jacqueline gently on her bed.

Jacqueline wearily opened her eyes that were circled by dark blotches. Ah, so she dreamed about Mom heating up the stove. Not even one moment of peace she could obtain. Sometimes, she felt like the dreams were real, that her skin was still burning.

But that was behind her. She shouldn’t be thinking about it so much.

“What did you just call me?” She asked, her voice slightly haggard from deep sleep.

“Jack. I called you Jack. I just want to give you a nickname, that’s all.” Carlson said. Perhaps nicknames would make them feel more like real people.

“Don’t ever call me that again. Now, what is it?” Jacqueline asked.

“We’re going on a field trip!” Carlson said brightly. He felt just like a carefree child again, before he had to live in the orphanage.


Well looks like they're setting a few boundaries there but they are bonding even through all the horrible things that the two of them have to put up with here which do seem to be getting numerous.

[qoute]Jacqueline followed Carlson down the rickety, darkened basement stairs. Supposedly, their field trip would begin there.

But how in the world would Mr. Vash organize a field trip? If he couldn’t afford the means to support them, then why do a field trip at all?

Why was Jacqueline following Carlson in the first place? Because she felt locked to him? Because she trusted him?

Because she believed him?

When they made it to the basement floor, the lights all turned on.

What surrounded the children was industrial equipment upon industrial equipment, wrenches and screws, steel mallets.

Strange, peculiar things…[/quote]

Well that does not look like its going to be particularly pleasant there. That is a certified death room that they are walking into there, I can say that with certainty. Oh dear. Let's see what's going to come of this.

“For years, I have to had watch over all of you and for years, I got nothing!” Mr. Vash shrieked.

Jacqueline and the others turned to look at Mr. Vash, whose eyes were an unusual pale white color, tinged by a blue milkiness.

“Now, I can finally end this! It’s my time now!” Mr. Vash cackled.

The basement door closed, keeping everyone from leaving.

Just what was going on?


Yup that definitely does not bode well at all. This is about to get a little bit intense here from the look of thing. This is really starting to get into the dark parts of this orphanage now.

Mr. Vash, in the speed of light, ran up to Jacqueline and pushed her to the ground. Jacqueline screamed, clawing at his face and kicking her legs, but it was all to no avail. Carlson and the other children tried their best to help, but Mr. Vash held tight onto Jacqueline.

“And now, to shut your complaining mouth for good…” Mr. Vash sneered, brandishing a silver needle.

Wait…a silver needle?!

“Snitches get stitches, you know.” Mr. Vash said.

Before Jacqueline could ask what he meant, Mr. Vash sewed the needle through her mouth, loop through loop, the point a prick to her tender skin, binding her lips like glue.

But she had no one to talk to but Carlson…what did Mr. Vash mean?


Well that escalated very quickly there, although it is exactly what you expect given the leadup to this situation. We're really heading into the darker side of this orphanage now. Let's see where this goes.

Before Jacqueline’s very eyes, she watched as the kids before her screamed and cried, Mr. Vash chasing them at a speed she could not comprehend, stitching all of their mouths shut, uttering the same phrase he had said to her.

It was just like the fire, when her parents had screamed as though they were four again.

But why? Why was he killing them? How could he move so fast? Wasn’t Mr. Vash only human, like the rest of them?

Wasn’t he?

Jacqueline closed her eyes, letting death overcome her. The screams were starting to fade away, Carlson was waiting for her at the other side.

It would all end after she closed her eyes.


Well there we go, it seems poor Jacqueline is so traumatized by all of that, that she simply sits there and accepts it and just let's it all wash over her with how terrifying and powerful this killing is turning out to be.

Jacqueline was in the basement, but everything was foggy, like she was looking at the world from a mirror.

Mr. Vash stood at the middle of it all, but he wasn’t himself. He was a tall, hulking shadow of a demon with pale eyes and reaching claws.

She saw red strings tie him down to the building. He was bound, he was trapped.

All too fast, Jacqueline was taken back to her body.

Jacqueline opened her eyes. She was in a pile of rubble. Screaming, screeching noises surrounded her.

She stood up from the ground. Oddly metallic vehicles zoomed on a solid black path, the sun burned her bloodied skin.

“I don’t think it’s our time anymore.” Carlson said.


Well that's quite the reveal but then given all of the things that were going on around them, its not too terribly surprising that all of that was in fact performed by someone or rather something demonic.

“What do you mean?” Jacqueline asked. She knew what he was saying, but she didn’t want it to be true.

“I mean what we all know, Jack. We’re dead.” Carlson said.

All that time, Mr. Vash was a demon, bound to the orphanage, trapped to take care of kids, stealing away their happiness.

Jacqueline didn’t say anything to Carlson about his nickname for her. She just let it sink in.

She let it all sink in.

“Where are all of the other kids? Shouldn’t they be here too?” Jacqueline asked. They were all dead, why was it just the two of them?

“I think that they might have passed on, because I saw golden lights shooting up to the sky before I died.” Carlson said.

“So it’s just us?” She asked.

“Just us.” Carlson said, nodding.

Just the two of them.


Well looks like either they got a bit of a special treatment there or the bonding that they went through has gone and caused some effect cause they appear to be fully trapped after unlike quite literally everyone else.

Jacqueline felt for stitches on her mouth. There was nothing. She looked at Carlson, who also had no stitches in his mouth.

They were still dead, she could feel that, but for some reason, she felt as though they were given a second chance of being with each other, of living the adolescent innocence that they deserved before they left for the other side.

That, Jacqueline could “live” with.

In the distance was a school, a place Jacqueline and Carlson didn’t have much time for.

Perhaps, in that lifetime, they could go and live the lives that they always wanted…


Oooh now isn't that something to consider, them having gotten almost a bit of a second chance to overcome all the horrors they faced and the childhoods that were stolen away from them.

Jacqueline and Carlson walked over to the new school. They’d introduce themselves, use their ghostly magic to influence the teachers, and then they’d live as best as they could.

Nothing, not a single thing, could ever come between them. Mr. Vash was gone. There was nothing to fear.

Jacqueline and Carlson, sent to live a second chance.

All was right with the world, until it wasn’t. Millie and Jason came along, becoming Jacqueline’s friends and bringing chaos.

Could a happy ending ever be attained?


Ooooh well an interesting little wrap up that one, a wholesome cliffhanger of sorts but the promise of chaos to come there, well. A rare bit of a wholesome moment to one of these despite the mass murder that occurred.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've done an amazing job putting this together here. Loving the way you built this up and then the massive moment there followed by genuinely a little touch of wholesomeness which is rare and something I love to see personally.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak