Oooh, I spy another amazing story!! This one is super short, but awesome! Let's get right into the review
Though they had all passed on, Cyfrin’s form was still that of a clown, and Marcellina was that of a bleeding, pale ghost girl.
WOW! That is a really great hook sentence. Starting by saying that they all dies is a great way to get the readers attention, right from the very start.
“Marcellina, you’ve been so kind and open-hearted to me. You never wanted to hurt a soul, you lived with a great, stabbing pain in your heart all throughout your life. All you ever did was want to escape and live a better life. I’m sorry that this never happened to you or any of us, but at least we’re here now.” Cyfrin said.
He handed the flowers to Marcellina, who accepted them graciously.
What an amazing job you do here. The name Marcellina is, once again, a beautiful name that you include in your story. You are very vivid with the stabbing heart words. I love how you use words to describe these physical sensations. You combine these sensory feelings with emotions very well. This allows me to more accurately experience what these characters are feeling. Great work! And also, this part if just so sweet. I love how she accepts the flowers from him.
And what a gorgeous ending!
She let go, only for a brief second, to say:
“Even in death, I still love you.”
And so nothing could break them apart.
Even. in death, I still love you, that is BEAUTIFUL T-T I love this. The love is so wonderful in this one. I like how you take these different horror like aspects and bring alive such a beautiful story. Overall, lovely work!! Keep on writing!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Points: 64593
Reviews: 648
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