Blue hair and pronouns! lol, sorry... I'm not good at this.
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SEE THROUGH CLOSET
(a poem about the desire to come out.)
I know you see the desire for me to come out my skin and shed the pain that's been hiding the true flesh under this horrid flesh of this body. The tape I stick to my chest isn't enough to block out your cruel words. “A girl” is what they call me. It's what they see me as. I beg and try to make them understand but their societal views are too consuming for themselves. “Wear pink and pearls and dress like a girl” is this what being a girl is like? It's so confusing. It's overwhelming. I hate this. I envy those who can bloom without the thorns piercing them everytime they speak. I wish to bloom and thrive just as much as the flowers around me do. But when a blade hits more than just my flesh you will realize what I've been dying to become.
- ZK
Blue hair and pronouns! lol, sorry... I'm not good at this.
Hello! This is Aku and I am here to write you an opinion/ comment or a review for your writing. It seems more like a short story than a poem to me. If it is a poem, may I know what format you are using. Unless, you just categorize it as 'poetry' because the words and descriptions you have used in the writing is poetic. I love the formatting though, and the way you have put your initials at the end.
I know you see the desire for me to come out my skin and shed the pain that's been hiding the true flesh under this horrid flesh of this body. The tape I stick to my chest isn't enough to block out your cruel words. “A girl” is what they call me. It's what they see me as.
I beg and try to make them understand but their societal views are too consuming for themselves. “Wear pink and pearls and dress like a girl” is this what being a girl is like? It's so confusing. It's overwhelming. I hate this. I envy those who can bloom without the thorns piercing them everytime they speak. I wish to bloom and thrive just as much as the flowers around me do. But when a blade hits more than just my flesh you will realize what I've been dying to become.
This was a beautiful piece. I cannot relate to being transgender, but I am a lesbian, and it took me a long while before I started to accept that. When I did, I was mortified. I couldn't tell anybody, I couldn't say it out loud. So I hid it from everybody around me. That didn't go well for me.
As well as relating to coming out and the hardships in it, I really loved the line "but when the blade hits more than my flesh..." because that one I can relate to a lot. That line really got to me.
Overall though, this piece is beautiful. I agree with what taost said though, If you can find a way to come up with words to replace flesh, it would make it sound more smooth. Aside from that, I can't find any flaws.
- Brooklyn
This is one of the best "coming out" poems I've read. It's a hard topic to cover and I think you covered it well.
My favorite line and what I think it means:
I think this means that you wish to grow as other do in the way you think you should. You spend days on end longing to be happy; to be yourself and you aren't being accepted while others are carefree because they are who they want to be. (idk what i'm yapping about)thegayestwriterever wrote: I wish to bloom and thrive just as much as the flowers around me do.
This is harsh. I mean, the topic itself is. Kudos to you for having the courage to put this out there.
The only real comment I have to make about this, besides it being an AMAZING piece and the relatable feeling it has, is that the beginning, "...hiding the true flesh under this horrid flesh..." it says "flesh" twice in this stanza, and it's a tad hard to read through. It's a little bumpy, not a hard fix. But over all, this is an amazing piece.
Keep it up, please. We need more writers like you.
~Taost
I love this but you used the word flesh two many times and tried to rhyme flesh with flesh anyways as a fellow trans person I respect your writing a lottt. but back on topic you can replace the first flesh with something like muscle or something more general like "hiding the true body" and cross out the end of that sentance to make it more organised and legible. with the last sentance I assume it could be referring to a more personal aspect so I wont analyze it. other than that great work friend
Points: 208
Reviews: 16
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