i didn't know it was possible to end up this far south-
so far off the map i don't know where i am anymore.
i had a map, i didn't need it. it's wrinkled, yellowing paper was soft and worn after years spent in my back pocket, my fingertips constantly brushing the edges to make sure it hadn't fallen out.
(never mind that the pockets were safety-pinned shut.)
i suppose getting lost is an art - travelling far enough into the trees that no one will ever find you, burying your thoughts into the corners of your brain deep enough that no one will ever know that they ran through your head, ignoring the aching hurt you've seen and felt until it goes away.
(i need help, but i refuse to ask. i want love but i can't even love myself.)
there is no trail of breadcrumbs to lead me back home, no one to stop and ask for directions because no one is there to dictate which way to turn. (it'd only be confusing - it's all the same here, the only thing that ever changes is the time of day and which direction the wind blows the tree branches.)
wandering away from home doesn't deserve the glory it gets in storybooks and fairy tales, but if i got a redo i'd probably end up right back where i am right now.
(and haven't i walked off into the sunset enough times for a happy ending? or wished on enough dandelions for everything i ever wanted?)
when did it begin? when will it be over? (to be honest, i don't know when it started.)
all i know is that i want it to end. (but, please tell me- which way is north?)
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
method!
Smell The Flowers...
First impressions!
I see you made that line into a poem, and gosh am I glad you did! This is beautiful. I love the way you describe things, and yet it still feels fuzzy and unclear like the feeling of being lost. That feeling in itself is perfectly portrayed here as well, and the moment I started reading I got sucked in!
Thorns
Thorns can be prickly, but people still love roses. What might be improved?
Throughout the poem, you use this little symbol here: - In my opinion, it doesn't quite belong there. For "safety-pinned" it makes sense, but for other things I think it gives the opposite affect of what you're going for. For example:
This feels like "art" and "travelling" are coming together to form a single word, and I think you meant it to be more of a pause there. I'm not sure if YWS lets you add a longer dash, but if it doesn't you can just add spaces between the - to get that effect.
Although all that is just my opinion on formatting. You do you!
And that's the only thing I could find that I thought could be different. Otherwise, I think the whole poem is absolutely beautiful!
Colors!
Everyone loves colors. What was amazing about the piece?I loved your use of parenthesis! I thought that was incredibly clever, and it adds another really cool layer to the whole thing. I particularly liked this line:
This is particularly relatable to me, (as is the whole poem), but I don't know. This line hits different for some reason, and I think it's absolutely beautiful.
I find it interesting that the only thing you capitalized is the word "I". Sometimes I feel like only capitalizing I can distract the reader from the actual words and meaning of the poem, but I think it fits perfectly here! I think it makes the periods a little less full-stop then they usually are, and it makes the poem more flowy and readable.
The title itself is beautiful, and if you hadn't informed me of this, I would have wanted to from the title alone. (Although the actual body of the work is even better than the title!) I love how in the middle of the poem, you reference the title (or the title references the middle!) which makes it even more meaningful.
And can we just talk about the amazing last line? Because it's amazing. The "begin," "over," and the "end" fit so well with each other than it's satisfying to read and leaves the reader content, even after you leave. And that very last sentence brings it back to the first like a loop. It's also a bit comedic - most of the poem has been about getting lost, and the way it ends is just like "Alright, I'm done now, can you tell me how to get unlost?"
Basket of Flowers
Closing thoughts
This has been an absolutely amazing read, and thank you so much for sharing this with me! This is a new favorite of mine!
Please keep writing! Your poetry is breath-taking. (And maybe let me know if you write another?)
Have an amazing day/night/afternoon!
thank you so much for the wonderful review! great feedback, i'll definitely go and fix those
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Just to begin:
I love how you started this piece with a bold statement like that. It really caught my attention. I am sure that there are a lot of us who are thinking similar questions. How have I wandered so far from safety and warmth? There are a lot of people wondering how to get back to what they had before, times when they knew who they were.
I adore the ending of this, so much! You start by telling us that you have wandered far south. And end with:
Here is one thought I had: I noticed that this piece does not use a lot of capitalization, but it does at some times. All of the i's are capitals until the sixth section. Maybe you could make this more constant throughout the whole thing. Maybe all of our external dialogue uses capitalization. It shows that this is real. It is being said. It is public. It can be noticed. And then maybe the internal dialogue in brackets could continue to the no-capitalization theme. This shows it is hidden and unseen. It is what is really felt with the hard. The secrets we hide and the ways we make ourselves hidden.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
Maybe consider a simple rephrasing of this line:
Art and travelling may benefit from an extra space between them
art- travelling instead of art-travelling. The latter makes it look like it is one word. You could do something like this instead:
And maybe this line too:
Could be something like this:
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I praise you for your formatting of this piece! I love how we see a lot of external and internal dialogue. I loved this line:
That second sentence hits really hard. How can we even know love if we can't find it in who we are?
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Overall, I greatly enjoyed this
Your friend,
Ellie <33
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
thanks for pointing out the thing with the i's! I typed this on my phone and it autocorrected them haha, I'll go and fix those. Thanks so much for the feedback, it was super helpful!!!
Hello!
Ley here to review this piece for you!
First impressions...
Wow! I was absolutely blown away. I love lyrical poetry, especially because it usually leads to some type of storytelling. And not only did you tell a story, but you also gave us some background, which I appreciate!When I was reading this I felt...
Sad, for some reason? I'm not sure if that was your intention, but if it was, great job! This piece made me feel like I was with the narrator. I'm not sure if you were using 'being-lost' as a metaphor for life, but that also crossed my mind at the end of the poem.My favorite line/quote is...
I chose this line because it was the perfect ending to the poem. I didn't expect it, but it truly encapsulated the idea of the narrator being lost and alone; not knowing which direction is the right way.Some things I would change are...
I wouldn't change anything about this poem. I can tell that the formatting is intentional for the dramatic and personal nature of this poem, and I couldn't find any grammar mistakes. The content is awesome too, so I couldn't critique on that.Overall...
This was a wonderful read! I had to give this a 'like'. I can't wait to read more of your writing soon! <3With Love,
Leya
thanks so much for the review!!!