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do you

by soundofmind

A/N: The first line links to a recording I did of the song! Please go listen while you read if you can!

Can you see the stars from here?
Would you be able to breathe if they disappeared?
Can you see yourself in years
Being moved by the sight?
Being moved to tears?

Can you believe?
Can you see me
In your future
With you?

Do you believe in happenstance?
Do you believe we met by chance?
Do you believe it’s meaningless?
‘Cause I believe
We’re meant for this

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92 Reviews

Points: 1533
Reviews: 92

Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:28 pm
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manilla wrote a review...

Hi! Manilla here for a review. (I listened to the song, and it's gorgeous!!) Let's get right into it, shall we?

I have zero nitpicks on the flow or word choice, partially because it's a lyrical piece and partially because it's just, well, well-written and good. One comment is that you placed rhymes in some places, but didn't in others, like the first two lines in the last stanza. I wonder why you did this. The middle stanza's lines are shorter compared to the others, and this could be personal thing, but would it fit better at the end?

I love the dreamy, ethereal vibe you produce, with words like "stars" and "happenstance". Please write more songs like this - The lyrics may be simple, but the music takes it to another level.

That's all from me!
-Manilla out

User avatar
268 Reviews

Points: 15159
Reviews: 268

Wed Feb 13, 2019 8:30 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello soundofmind, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day.

So let's get right to the review:

So everything in this song was just amazing. Everything just flowed so well together, it made me feel like is was in another world.
And the emotions that went through this song were really powerful, just giving it more meaning. So that's a job well done.
Over all I think your just an amazing writer. But I did see one thing, and If i'm wrong then I'm sorry.

We’re meant for this

With this line I think you just need a full stop at the end of the sentence.

Well that's it from me for today. I would love to be tagged when you post another song. I just love reading them. never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D

I used to be Shikora.

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
— Woodrow Wilson